DREAD Mondays
Question:
this is anne. i had a terrible year last year , i do feel i am making progress. i just dont understand. is it me or part of panic anxiety disorder/ agoraphobic illness?,
Hi anne, I’m glad you feel you are making progress. That’s really good. As for whether it’s "you or the disorder"…honey, the disorder IS you. It’s part of you, just like all the rest of you. You can’t make it a separate entity; like something that’s attacking you. It’s like people who have canecer….those cells are still theirs. They are just all out of kilter. Same thing with the PD. Your neurochemistry is simply out of kilter and needs some help to set it right. Mostly, for a lot of us, that means medication. <shrug It’s one of those things though, that when you "own" the disorder, it doesn’t have near as much power anymore. It just becomes part of you and you learn to integrate it into you and your life. It can be done. i am afraid to be alone phisically and emotionally. i dont feel at gut level that i can take care of myself. who has been doing it for 54 years? , it has been mostly me with a supportive team therapist etc. ,why cant i believe that. why do we need a safe person , why cant i be my safe person.
Because a "safe person" is by definition someone outside of ourselves that we turn to when the going gets rough. They are there to hold our hand and help us through those long dark nights of the soul, as it were. Personally, I think EVERYONE should have a "safe person". Even people without PD. We really aren’t that much different than other people you know. We just focus on our differences a bit too much sometimes, I think. And yes, YOU have been taking care of yourself all these years. Along with those folks who have helped you along the way. Don’t sell yourself short. This isn’t an easy disorder to live with…look how long you’ve been doing it! Pat yourself on the back for that much. Finally, we ALL have times when we feel we "can’t go on" or "that it’s just too much". But guess what….so do "normal" people. Yeah, maybe we have more reason to feel this way, but there are a lot of people out there who don’t have PD who have really rough lives too. So, look at your victories, treasure them like precious jewels and forget the "failures". In the scheme of things, it’s the victories that really count! Hugs, Jen anne in sf
Response:
this is anne. i had a terrible year last year , i do feel i am making progress. i just dont understand. is it me or part of panic anxiety disorder/ agoraphobic illness?, i am afraid to be alone phisically and emotionally. i dont feel at gut level that i can take care of myself. who has been doing it for 54 years? , it has been mostly me with a supportive team therapist etc. ,why cant i believe that. why do we need a safe person , why cant i be my safe person. anne in sf
Anne, I’m not sure about the rest of the population, but when I feel as you do, (have tried too many times to take care of it myself) I have almost either taken my own life, or done something stupid. I have had to learn the hard way that I need a support network, and I have to use it! There are different types of people in this network, they serve different functions; some I see or talk to on a regular basis: they see and help me avert a crisis before it happens. Some are just there to listen so I can get something off my chest. Some are there to prompt me through the steps of putting off a crisis until a safer time. And last but not least, people who are available at odd times: these are the ones that are for me the most important. One or more can be reached at 3:30 in the morning, or any other time when I need REALLY NEED someone to talk to. Roy in NC "Been there, done that. Got the scars to prove it. Should have gotten the Tee shirt instead!"
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My next goal is to have lunch with my brother-in-law some day. I’ve been thinking about it for over a month and still haven’t arranged it.
Hi Mike, I hope you arrange and enjoy the lunch with your brother in law soon! :) Take care, Laurie
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Anne, I’m not sure about the rest of the population, but when I feel as you do, (have tried too many times to take care of it myself) I have almost either taken my own life, or done something stupid. I have had to learn the hard way that I need a support network, and I have to use it! There are different types of people in this network, they serve different functions; some I see or talk to on a regular basis: they see and help me avert a crisis before it happens. Some are just there to listen so I can get something off my chest. Some are there to prompt me through the steps of putting off a crisis until a safer time. And last but not least, people who are available at odd times: these are the ones that are for me the most important. One or more can be reached at 3:30 in the morning, or any other time when I need REALLY NEED someone to talk to. Roy in NC
very well said, Roy. thanks. I too find that when I try to go without support, I end up contemplating "eating my gun" and it doesn’t work. It took a lot for me to ask people to drive me places and be my safe people, but it’s the only thing that works for now. Even people who are "normal" need love and support, annie. I"m sorry you’re having such a rough time. You know I know what that is like. WRITER/CATCH MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT "You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?" (Steven Wright)
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As some of you know from earlier postings I’ve been trying to help my mate through a rough time with his PD over the last year, so I thought I’d tell you my feelings as an outsider (so to speak) … If you have a friend or loved one who suffers from PD it’s very difficult to understand what they are going through. You can read, talk about & research the thing, but it’s very difficult to help someone through something you have not experienced yourself. OK, you can be there, listen, try to explain and to a certain extent sympathise, but then we all need to do that, with or without PD This is why I have followed this ’safe person’ thread with interest. Looking back over the last couple of months I think this is what I have become – and I am actually doing something *practical* to help. Steve has gone through hell, and sometimes it feels he has dragged me along for the ride. He has clung to my side (sometimes literally) for the last few weeks, and yes, it has been difficult for me. However, I can honestly say that it’s not been half as difficult as the months of talking round in circles and feeling that there’s nothing at all you can do to help. Am I making any sense? I suppose what I want to say is this: All you good people out there who need a ’safe person’ – don’t think you are being a burden – people *want* to help, in any way they can. Believe me, it’s far more rewarding when you feel you are doing something practical, and far more frustrating when you feel you cannot Just my thoughts PS: Steve is much better now, back at home, back at work and back with his girlfriend. Seems to be coping OK
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writes: Sorry, I thought it said dead monkeys! LOL!!…That’s ok. I thought it said ‘dread monkeys’..
You know…THAT really makes good common sense…and the other…wayelllll….is a thought, but sounds kinda permanent…would miss da monkey… 
Gwen
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I suppose what I want to say is this: All you good people out there who need a ’safe person’ – don’t think you are being a burden – people *want* to help, in any way they can. Believe me, it’s far more rewarding when you feel you are doing something practical, and far more frustrating when you feel you cannot Just my thoughts P
what a lovely post. And what a good person you are. I do feel like a burden to my friends. ANd it hurts. But I do believe that when I get back to a city that I love and whose people I love that I will find people who are "safe" and with whom I don’t feel like a burden. Besides, with the new meds now kicking in, I may be out and about very soon anyway. And not need as many safe people. Again, thanks for the very helpful post. feedback like this is so valuable. I’m feeling anxious about dating (aside from the usual anxiety) because I don’t want these guys to know I have PD or to feel burdened by me. Well, Agoraphobia. I can leave the house with a safe person so they don’t know off the bat that I have this disorder. take good care, Veronica of Veronica et al WRITER/CATCH MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT "You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?" (Steven Wright)
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Veronica: I think it’s that "inner programming" about Mondays. I work part-time from home as a fundraiser; used to be an Administrative Assistant; the anxiety is there on Mondays, no matter what I am doing or where I am. - – – janie.
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| why do we need a safe person , why cant i be | my safe person. anne in sf How interesting…I am my safe person…whenever I get real bad I retreat. Best for me is a walk in the woods, but usually I just curl up in bed. I’ve even (subconciously) arranged things so I hardly ever see anyone (I work for a large company from home, we live a little ways out in the country so I go for days without seeing anyone but my family). I have no friends other than relatives, and actually think I was starting to get a little agoraphobic but my recent decision to seek treatment aggressively will hopefully stop that. My next goal is to have lunch with my brother-in-law some day. I’ve been thinking about it for over a month and still haven’t arranged it. So yes, some of us can be our safe person, but I don’t think we have any choice about it. -Mike
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Sorry, I thought it said dead monkeys!
LOL!!…That’s ok. I thought it said ‘dread monkeys’.. Lee don’t let the bed bugs bite…. unless you plan on biting back 
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(Casamiro) writes: I dread Mondays; for some reason my anxiety is always bad and I get really agoraphobic. janie.
have a similar thing, janie. I definitely have different patterns of all kinds on the weekends which make Mondays hard to adjust to. And there’s a real "back to the world" feeling which makes the Agoraphobia harder. Just practically speaking, do you like your job or wherever you go on Mondays? Do you have Anxiety connected to wherever you go on Mondays? For me it means back to working on my book and I like that. But there is still that inner programming of Mondays meaning school, etc. Veronica of Veronica et al WRITER/CATCH MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT "You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?" (Steven Wright)
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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I dread Mondays; for some reason my anxiety is always bad and I get really agoraphobic. janie. Hi, Janie; Do you happen to sleep in on Sat or Sun? I’ve noticed that many (most?) people do, so, come Monday, their internal clocks are somewhat "off". Just my thought…. — Scott Armstrong CHAOS Software I filter ALL my mail — ASAP members are automagically added. Known folk can get through, junk mail can’t. 2 of 7
Sorry, I thought it said dead monkeys! John
Response:
this is anne. i had a terrible year last year , i do feel i am making progress. i just dont understand. is it me or part of panic anxiety disorder/ agoraphobic illness?, i am afraid to be alone phisically and emotionally. i dont feel at gut level that i can take care of myself. who has been doing it for 54 years? , it has been mostly me with a supportive team therapist etc. ,why cant i believe that. why do we need a safe person , why cant i be my safe person. anne in sf
Response:
why do we need a safe person , why cant i be my safe person. anne in sf
Hi Anne, I asked myself the same question recently. I realized who all of my safe people have been over the years. And felt I might be starting to use my daughter as the next safe person. So I went for a few walks without her after my husband came home. The first one, I was anxious. But it got easier on the next two. I will have to have her with me alot since she is little. But I will plan to do things alone also. Take care, Laurie
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I dread Mondays; for some reason my anxiety is always bad and I get really agoraphobic. janie.
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I dread Mondays; for some reason my anxiety is always bad and I get really agoraphobic. janie.
I really need that AOL "me too" button for this post! The best thing that can be said about Monday is that it is no longer than any other day and when it’s over, you are that much closer to Friday. Iris — Why is it that, wherever I go, the world’s worst drivers have followed me there?
Response:
yes, I do sleep in on weekends, and yes, that probably does have something to do with it. thanks for reminding me. janie.
