Anyone familiar w/my type of neurosis?

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders » Obsessive Compulsive » Anyone familiar w/my type of neurosis?

Question:

<snipped Again, I don’t know if it’s a symptom of depression, compulsivity, or who knows what. All I know is that I just can’t do this anymore. If anyone out there can help me put this in perspective and figure out how to quiet all of this craziness, I’d really appreciate it. I need to get my life back.

Hi Welcome to ASAP!~ are dealing with more than just anxiety. It is imperative that you seek help from a psychiatrist for diagnosis and treatment. There is no reason to suffer and live your life like this when there are effective treatments available. I wish I could say more to help you….but you need the help of a professional to help you figure out what is going on. Take care and good luck! Jackie

Response:

Hi: This does sound like obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is often accompanied by anxiety and depression. Have you sought treatment from a psychiatrist? There are medications that can give you your life back, if you work with a qualified and sensitive physician. I’m sorry you are having all this anxiety. We all know how that feels. Hope you can get some help soon. Best, Anne

Response:

I do make lots of lists/plans to change my life, lose the list, procrastinate etc… and remember my plans weeks or months later. I also get quite disappointed with myself for not achieving more in my life: I didn’t finish school, even though I tried several times at various ages and I’m not stupid or anything. I just have trouble staying motivated and tend to give up or just not finish stuff. I’m very bad at keeping track of time as well. Does any of that sound at all familiar? Vashti

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, folks – I’ve been struggling with a debilitating problem for several years now, and I’m not sure if it’s obsessive compulsion, anxiety, depression, or a weird combination of lots of these. Or maybe it’s more common than I fear, and perhaps someone else out there can help me shed some light. I’m utterly obsessed with my daily schedule. I balance two part time jobs with a desire to be a writer. For some reason, within the last decade or so (I’m in my thirties), I’ve slowly slipped into a constant low-grade depression over my inability to accomplish very many of the ideals and goals I had as a young adult. It seems to have created this neurotic obsession of mine between two lifestyle choices, and I’ll try to explain them: Phase One: I sit and organize my weekly schedule, meticulously assigning time frames for the things I believe will bring balance and success to my life(fitness, work, my writing, enough sleep, learn that spanish), etc. Then I "snap" my fingers and say that from that moment I will dutifully follow the schedule til the rewards are reaped. Moments later (and I literally mean within an hour – this happens daily) – I get distracted by something – a phone call, reading the mail, turning on the TV, etc. A friend needs a favor, or I forgot to run a certain errand – Something that throws a wrench in the schedule I just designed. So I spend the next several hours in a daze, pacing my apartment, napping or sitting on the floor staring, realizing I’m too tired/undisciplined/untalented/unlucky to follow through on the schedule. That maybe I designed it wrong, or that maybe I picked the wrong goals, or I haven’t disected the steps of one goal as much as I should another, etc. Then comes Phase Two: I decide that I shouldn’t have a schedule at all, that it is going to kill my spontaneity. That spending all day checking tasks off a list like a machine will prevent me from participating fully in the natural flow of life. That because none of us ever really can do all the things we’d like to, there is no perfect schedule that will accomplish just that. So the answer is to shelve the alarm clock and daily organizer, and just follow your gut 24 hrs a day, handling what you feel is important and assuming that the universe will sort of provide little coincidental windows of time for all the things I need to do in a day. So I snap my fingers – again. From this moment on I’ll try to focus on the moment and maintain a flexible, intuitive schedule coupled with the faith that what needs to happen will happen, and my goals will sort of slide into being in due course. Then the phone rings. Or I turn the TV on. And I’m reminded that I’m a loser. That I’ve never accomplished anything. That just pretending all these opportunities are going to present themselves naturally is silly, because they never have. That phase two just means you’re reacting to situations, rather than forging goals. That I’ll never be who I want to be unless I get off my butt and get rigorous, focused, on schedule… And it happens all over again. Every day. Mulling over these 2 choices, or how to combine them, or how to find the missing magic third choice, etc. Talking to myself in the car. Sitting on the floor for hours… until the day is gone and it’s time to start over. And this has lasted about 5 or 6 years. I’m utterly exhausted. I can’t have this compulsive conversation with myself anymore. It has driven me into the ground, and I don’t know how to turn it off. I have no significant relationships with family or friends because I’m so distracted by this inner debate in my head. It’s affected my ability to get to work every day, and, needless to say, none of the things that either "choice" is supposed to enable ever happen. No writing, not in great shape, no money, etc. Nothing ever happens. I’m stuck hating myself for an empty life, wondering what would kickstart it – and the conversation starts all over again. Imagine reading this post over and over again for hours every day. Got a headache yet? That’s how I feel. Is this a common anxiety? I’m starting to realize that it’s not even about picking between schedule and spontaneity anymore. Either style is better than sitting around for hours doing nothing. Neither style can ever be mastered 100%, and don’t we all sort of do both all the time without thinking? But for some reason I am stuck "thinking", and I can’t stop. It’s my addiction to that inner conversation that is so disturbing. Like wondering one morning whether you should wear your jeans or your slacks… and then sitting on your bed for weeks and then years in a daze because the choice is so fascinating. Again, I don’t know if it’s a symptom of depression, compulsivity, or who knows what. All I know is that I just can’t do this anymore. If anyone out there can help me put this in perspective and figure out how to quiet all of this craziness, I’d really appreciate it. I need to get my life back. Thanks, MPS

Hi MPS, It sounds like you have obsessive thinking and depression (they often go together). I’d see a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis. He can suggest treatment based on your diagnosis, which may include behavioral therapy and/or meds. Your best approach to your daily schedule is to combine your two approaches: have a schedule, but one that is flexible enough to accomodate to situations as they emerge during the course of the day. Chip

Response:

Hi, folks – I’ve been struggling with a debilitating problem for several years now, and I’m not sure if it’s obsessive compulsion, anxiety, depression, or a weird combination of lots of these. Or maybe it’s more common than I fear, and perhaps someone else out there can help me shed some light. I’m utterly obsessed with my daily schedule. I balance two part time jobs with a desire to be a writer. For some reason, within the last decade or so (I’m in my thirties), I’ve slowly slipped into a constant low-grade depression over my inability to accomplish very many of the ideals and goals I had as a young adult. It seems to have created this neurotic obsession of mine between two lifestyle choices, and I’ll try to explain them: Phase One: I sit and organize my weekly schedule, meticulously assigning time frames for the things I believe will bring balance and success to my life(fitness, work, my writing, enough sleep, learn that spanish), etc. Then I "snap" my fingers and say that from that moment I will dutifully follow the schedule til the rewards are reaped. Moments later (and I literally mean within an hour – this happens daily) – I get distracted by something – a phone call, reading the mail, turning on the TV, etc. A friend needs a favor, or I forgot to run a certain errand – Something that throws a wrench in the schedule I just designed. So I spend the next several hours in a daze, pacing my apartment, napping or sitting on the floor staring, realizing I’m too tired/undisciplined/untalented/unlucky to follow through on the schedule. That maybe I designed it wrong, or that maybe I picked the wrong goals, or I haven’t disected the steps of one goal as much as I should another, etc. Then comes Phase Two: I decide that I shouldn’t have a schedule at all, that it is going to kill my spontaneity. That spending all day checking tasks off a list like a machine will prevent me from participating fully in the natural flow of life. That because none of us ever really can do all the things we’d like to, there is no perfect schedule that will accomplish just that. So the answer is to shelve the alarm clock and daily organizer, and just follow your gut 24 hrs a day, handling what you feel is important and assuming that the universe will sort of provide little coincidental windows of time for all the things I need to do in a day. So I snap my fingers – again. From this moment on I’ll try to focus on the moment and maintain a flexible, intuitive schedule coupled with the faith that what needs to happen will happen, and my goals will sort of slide into being in due course. Then the phone rings. Or I turn the TV on. And I’m reminded that I’m a loser. That I’ve never accomplished anything. That just pretending all these opportunities are going to present themselves naturally is silly, because they never have. That phase two just means you’re reacting to situations, rather than forging goals. That I’ll never be who I want to be unless I get off my butt and get rigorous, focused, on schedule… And it happens all over again. Every day. Mulling over these 2 choices, or how to combine them, or how to find the missing magic third choice, etc. Talking to myself in the car. Sitting on the floor for hours… until the day is gone and it’s time to start over. And this has lasted about 5 or 6 years. I’m utterly exhausted. I can’t have this compulsive conversation with myself anymore. It has driven me into the ground, and I don’t know how to turn it off. I have no significant relationships with family or friends because I’m so distracted by this inner debate in my head. It’s affected my ability to get to work every day, and, needless to say, none of the things that either "choice" is supposed to enable ever happen. No writing, not in great shape, no money, etc. Nothing ever happens. I’m stuck hating myself for an empty life, wondering what would kickstart it – and the conversation starts all over again. Imagine reading this post over and over again for hours every day. Got a headache yet? That’s how I feel. Is this a common anxiety? I’m starting to realize that it’s not even about picking between schedule and spontaneity anymore. Either style is better than sitting around for hours doing nothing. Neither style can ever be mastered 100%, and don’t we all sort of do both all the time without thinking? But for some reason I am stuck "thinking", and I can’t stop. It’s my addiction to that inner conversation that is so disturbing. Like wondering one morning whether you should wear your jeans or your slacks… and then sitting on your bed for weeks and then years in a daze because the choice is so fascinating. Again, I don’t know if it’s a symptom of depression, compulsivity, or who knows what. All I know is that I just can’t do this anymore. If anyone out there can help me put this in perspective and figure out how to quiet all of this craziness, I’d really appreciate it. I need to get my life back. Thanks, MPS

Response:

Hi MPS, I’m Al, aka *Weasel* I’m not a clinical Mental Health worker, just a another member of ASAP, but from the sounds of it, it may be an *Obsessive Compulsive Condition.* Check with a local mental health worker, or go to your GP and be referred to a psychiatrist, please. There’s no need for you to be controled by this any longer. If you are diagnosed as an Obsessive Complusive, or even something else, there are medications and therapies that can let you get back in control. Like I said, I’m no Health Worker, but there is help available. So, please, take the time for yourself to seek some help. Ever since I asked for help, and got it, my life has happier and better. Take care, Al aka:

Response:

If you are diagnosed as an Obsessive Complusive, or even something else, there are medications and therapies that can let you get back in control.

Thanks so much for everyone’s insight and advice – the main theme is of course for me to go see a doctor, which I’ll be doing next month (I’m uninsured and have to go to a non-profit clinic, so all of this is probably gonna take a while). In the meantime I have a curious question about OCD meds. If my doctor realizes that’s the problem and prescribes them, in most cases, what exactly does the effect of the meds FEEL like? I’m not talking about the potential side effects – Rather, that very moment that I would start obsessing, after they kick in how will that moment feel differently? Will the specific thing (like my schedule, as posted earlier), just seem less important for some reason? Or is it more like just a calming effect or energizing effect that allows me to make the decision more quickly and succinctly – how will the change the meds induce FEEL? Thanks! MPS

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – If you are diagnosed as an Obsessive Complusive, or even something else, there are medications and therapies that can let you get back in control. Thanks so much for everyone’s insight and advice – the main theme is of course for me to go see a doctor, which I’ll be doing next month (I’m uninsured and have to go to a non-profit clinic, so all of this is probably gonna take a while). In the meantime I have a curious question about OCD meds. If my doctor realizes that’s the problem and prescribes them, in most cases, what exactly does the effect of the meds FEEL like? I’m not talking about the potential side effects – Rather, that very moment that I would start obsessing, after they kick in how will that moment feel differently? Will the specific thing (like my schedule, as posted earlier), just seem less important for some reason? Or is it more like just a calming effect or energizing effect that allows me to make the decision more quickly and succinctly – how will the change the meds induce FEEL? Thanks! MPS

clarity of thought and less inclination towards perfectionistic tendencies and overreactions to ones imperfections-your tolerance or threshold for discomfort increases. From what you have posted you may have ocd tendencies, depression or anxiety as a stand alone disorder-or you just may be very neurotic about your sense of how you should be perfect-this will be clearly defined as you seek professional help. LM

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – If you are diagnosed as an Obsessive Complusive, or even something else, there are medications and therapies that can let you get back in control. Thanks so much for everyone’s insight and advice – the main theme is of course for me to go see a doctor, which I’ll be doing next month (I’m uninsured and have to go to a non-profit clinic, so all of this is probably gonna take a while). In the meantime I have a curious question about OCD meds. If my doctor realizes that’s the problem and prescribes them, in most cases, what exactly does the effect of the meds FEEL like? I’m not talking about the potential side effects – Rather, that very moment that I would start obsessing, after they kick in how will that moment feel differently? Will the specific thing (like my schedule, as posted earlier), just seem less important for some reason? Or is it more like just a calming effect or energizing effect that allows me to make the decision more quickly and succinctly – how will the change the meds induce FEEL? Thanks! MPS

If you get on a med for OCD, I think one day you will suddenly realize that you seem to have stopped obsessing as much in recent days. It won’t be a feeling, but a realization: you have stopped obsessing as much as before, and feel more freed up. Chip

Response:

Dear MPS, Thanks so much for everyone’s insight and advice – the main theme is of course for me to go see a doctor, which I’ll be doing next month (I’m uninsured and have to go to a non-profit clinic, so all of this is probably gonna take a while).

That’s great! Im really happy to hear that your’re going to see an MD and will be getting some help. In the meantime I have a curious question about OCD meds. If my doctor realizes that’s the problem and prescribes them, in most cases, what exactly does the effect of the meds FEEL like? I’m not talking about the potential side effects – Rather, that very moment that I would start obsessing, after they kick in how will that moment feel differently? Will the specific thing (like my schedule, as posted earlier), just seem less important for some reason? Or is it more like just a calming effect or energizing effect that allows me to make the decision more quickly and succinctly – how will the change the meds induce FEEL?

This is a question for other members of ASAP to respond to. I have no experience with the meds, because I’m on Anxiety and Anti-Depressants. I just felt that I had to respond because I want you to know that I’m so glad to hear that you’re going to an MD. Bravo!! Al

Response:

I have this combination. Or maybe it’s – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – more common than I fear, and perhaps someone else out there can help me shed some light. I’m utterly obsessed with my daily schedule. I balance two part time jobs with a desire to be a writer. For some reason, within the last decade or so (I’m in my thirties), I’ve slowly slipped into a constant low-grade depression over my inability to accomplish very many of the ideals and goals I had as a young adult. It seems to have created this neurotic obsession of mine between two lifestyle choices, and I’ll try to explain them: Phase One: I sit and organize my weekly schedule, meticulously assigning time frames for the things I believe will bring balance and success to my life(fitness, work, my writing, enough sleep, learn that spanish), etc. Then I "snap" my fingers and say that from that moment I will dutifully follow the schedule til the rewards are reaped. Moments later (and I literally mean within an hour – this happens daily) – I get distracted by something – a phone call, reading the mail, turning on the TV, etc. A friend needs a favor, or I forgot to run a certain errand – Something that throws a wrench in the schedule I just designed. So I spend the next several hours in a daze, pacing my apartment, napping or sitting on the floor staring, realizing I’m too tired/undisciplined/untalented/unlucky to follow through on the schedule. That maybe I designed it wrong, or that maybe I picked the wrong goals, or I haven’t disected the steps of one goal as much as I should another, etc. Then comes Phase Two: I decide that I shouldn’t have a schedule at all, that it is going to kill my spontaneity. That spending all day checking tasks off a list like a machine will prevent me from participating fully in the natural flow of life. That because none of us ever really can do all the things we’d like to, there is no perfect schedule that will accomplish just that. So the answer is to shelve the alarm clock and daily organizer, and just follow your gut 24 hrs a day, handling what you feel is important and assuming that the universe will sort of provide little coincidental windows of time for all the things I need to do in a day. So I snap my fingers – again. From this moment on I’ll try to focus on the moment and maintain a flexible, intuitive schedule coupled with the faith that what needs to happen will happen, and my goals will sort of slide into being in due course. Then the phone rings. Or I turn the TV on. And I’m reminded that I’m a loser. That I’ve never accomplished anything. That just pretending all these opportunities are going to present themselves naturally is silly, because they never have. That phase two just means you’re reacting to situations, rather than forging goals. That I’ll never be who I want to be unless I get off my butt and get rigorous, focused, on schedule… And it happens all over again. Every day. Mulling over these 2 choices, or how to combine them, or how to find the missing magic third choice, etc. Talking to myself in the car. Sitting on the floor for hours… until the day is gone and it’s time to start over. And this has lasted about 5 or 6 years. I’m utterly exhausted. I can’t have this compulsive conversation with myself anymore. It has driven me into the ground, and I don’t know how to turn it off. I have no significant relationships with family or friends because I’m so distracted by this inner debate in my head. It’s affected my ability to get to work every day, and, needless to say, none of the things that either "choice" is supposed to enable ever happen. No writing, not in great shape, no money, etc. Nothing ever happens. I’m stuck hating myself for an empty life, wondering what would kickstart it – and the conversation starts all over again. Imagine reading this post over and over again for hours every day. Got a headache yet? That’s how I feel. Is this a common anxiety? I’m starting to realize that it’s not even about picking between schedule and spontaneity anymore. Either style is better than sitting around for hours doing nothing. Neither style can ever be mastered 100%, and don’t we all sort of do both all the time without thinking? But for some reason I am stuck "thinking", and I can’t stop. It’s my addiction to that inner conversation that is so disturbing. Like wondering one morning whether you should wear your jeans or your slacks… and then sitting on your bed for weeks and then years in a daze because the choice is so fascinating. Again, I don’t know if it’s a symptom of depression, compulsivity, or who knows what. All I know is that I just can’t do this anymore. If anyone out there can help me put this in perspective and figure out how to quiet all of this craziness, I’d really appreciate it. I need to get my life back. Thanks, MPS

My ocd has partly to do with adhering to a strict daily and weekly schedule. If anything alters this schedule I become agitated, but I go on with the schedule after I calm down. The fact that you don’t have to adhere to the schedule at all costs makes me think that it might not be ocd, but you need to ask a doctor what he thinks. The part about sitting on the floor for hours with the internal conversation, well I’ve had this too. I hope this doesn’t scare you too much but I think you need to know and go see a psychiatrist right away before it gets any worse. That is what happened to me before I had a full blown psychotic episode. Stuck on the floor for hours having conversations with myself in my head. Go see a psych doc right away and let him diagnose you. Sasha