Germ/Death Phobia
Question:
Hi Rosemary, : Is it possible that your thoughts may be about appreciation; or how much : you value your family? I’m not sure if it’s about appreciation, so much as I NEED them there. I need them to ALWAYS be there. Yet other times I wish they would leave me alone. But for the most part, I am often heard saying (I think I’ve mentioned this before) "I hope I die before my parents do, I couldn’t bear living without them, I couldn’t even FATHOM how awful that would be." And I think about this prospect–a LOT. When my mom is laughing, or I’m doing something fun with my family I almost feel like crying when it’s happening cause I know there will come a time when it WON’T happen. Does that make sense?? Sort of like I enjoy being with them, but I feel this intense sadness when I’m there, I feel like crying cause I know a point in time will come when I won’t be able to do it anymore. It’s VERY difficult to live feeling this way all the time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me!! : Is it possible that you somehow feel prevented from fully engaging with : them in day-to-day life? This is also a possibility. I don’t feel like I can ever make my mom or sister or ANYONE as happy as they deserve to feel, cause my lifestyle really hurts them. I’m not the daughter, friend, sister, I wish I could be for them. So I feel sort of bad for my mother for not being able to have an easy life, a better daughter, a happier time with her children. So really, I think I fear that my parents will die, or leave, or SOMETHING without having a happy life with their children…. Sigh. I am so frustrated and turmoil-ed over this… Thanks for the input though..it was very helpful… 
Love, Laurie : Either of these possibilities might also account for the emotional pain and : the nightmares associated with your experience. : Although therapy would be a good place to examine this; would you also : consider sharing this with your mum, the next time this thought arises? : You may both have an opportunity to express your love for one another: and : talk about a difficult, but very meaningful subject. : I _do_ know how tough and painful this type of thinking is. There are : many ways to assuage these fears. I am certain that you will : discover your own; finding reassurance and personal enlightenment in the : process. : Take care, : Rosemary : — : "We each have cause to follow our own brightly shining star." Shakespeare
Response:
Good points Amy! I have always had many phobias. Most of them started in childhood and thank god several I have outgrown out of necessity. For example, I wa scared to death of elevators, but I am ok with that now. I was inpatient treatment on the sixth floor of a hospital . Could not climb stairs due to exercise restriction. Needless to say, I got over that fear. I am afraid of flying. Everytime I take 2 valium to calm myself down. All I could think of as a child was the movie Airplane! After watching the movie Mt. St. Helen’s I became afraid of volcanoes My parents went on vacation to Hawaii and I cried for days. Afraid they would either die in a plane crash or in a volcano. I worried about tornadoes, people breaking into our house, being raped, murdered, robbed, in a fire. You get the picture. I do take Luvox for the bulimia and obsessional thoughts. So many people with ed’s have compulsive tendecies and I guess it all goes togethere somehow. Just my cents worth.
Response:
Hi Laurie, Is it possible that your thoughts may be about appreciation; or how much you value your family? Is it possible that you somehow feel prevented from fully engaging with them in day-to-day life? Either of these possibilities might also account for the emotional pain and the nightmares associated with your experience. Although therapy would be a good place to examine this; would you also consider sharing this with your mum, the next time this thought arises? You may both have an opportunity to express your love for one another: and talk about a difficult, but very meaningful subject. I _do_ know how tough and painful this type of thinking is. There are many ways to assuage these fears. I am certain that you will discover your own; finding reassurance and personal enlightenment in the process. Take care, Rosemary — "We each have cause to follow our own brightly shining star." Shakespeare
Response:
Hi Laurie, Yeah I have some thoughts (as usual!!). I do think that you could resove some of these things in therapy, but not with your basic kind of talk-about-it therapy. IMHO, the most effective ways of dealing with phobias (and I truly believe that your fears are phobias, not just your basic fears)is using a cognitive/behavioral method. A method that works in the present, changing your thoughts and reactions and actions. I don’t think that re-hashing your past and childhood will help, at least not if that’s all that’s done. Because I work with kids, I’ve had the opportunity to see this kind of thing when it begins. I would imagine that you were a very bright and sensitive child. Somehow, some of these kids get a jolt of "reality" before they can handle it. One child at my school just happened to watch "Scream" and this escalated into constant fears of someone getting into the house, then a fear to sleep alone, a fear of sleeping at all. The Oklahoma City bombing caused another child to develop a phobia about going out in public. But then some kids can watch ANYTHING, hear ANYTHING and it doesn’t bother them. It’s like some kids realize too soon that bed things DO happen and there’s not much you can do. (It IS scary) And being a child is such a powerless position anyway, that must make it worse. I sometimes think about all the things I CAN’T think about (does that make sense?) LIke how you could get in a car accident that isn’t your fault and be killed. Or hit by a car on my bike (I guess mine all focus around cars, huh. But a man got hit right in front of my house the summer before last. And of course I was the first one there) It just seems that there’s so many things we learn to block from our conscious mind in order to function. And some people can’t for some reason. Perhaps it’s a chemical thing. Are there other people in your family with anxiety disorders or obsessive/compulsive problems? ANYWAY….have you ever read some info. on Rational Emotive Threapy, or cognitive techniques. Maybe there’s somethings you could try. I can’t think of a book off the top of my head but if I remember one I’ll mail you. But I’m sure there are many in the bookstore or library. David Burns has a workbook called "The Feeling Good Handbook" that teaches basic cognitive techniques. That one’s pretty good. Well, I’m rambling on. Please take care, Amy
