Claiming ownership

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders » OCD Help » Claiming ownership

Question:

Well, I know that it’s not a new idea (but I’ve never read "Brainlock" … must have heard it somewhere else too, I guess) I was just trying to explore it more fully … because it is something that has always bothered me, but I didn’t think about it too much until I read Choroid’s post … and I don’t think that Choroid is necessarily a troll, just someone who is trying to make himself heard. He actually has interesting ideas, just very bad delivery. Medication and doctors will not "fix" us, they can only help us become more able to fix ourselves. Change is not an easy thing, even something that you desperately want to change, but the change comes from within, not from without … and I have also worried that I was medicating away my individuality, but there was a time when I couldn’t even contemplate my individuality without it, so it served its purpose. Of course insulting people and calling them weak is not the way to communicate this information, but that doesn’t make the information wrong. Also, ignoring Choroid is not a particularly good idea, especially if he (or anyone else) is offering advice that is non-supportive. I can’t believe that I am defending someone who I mostly disagree with … maybe newsgroups are not a place where I belong and I was right to stay away so long … besides I may offer an idea that is unpalatable (like defending Choroid) and start being insulted (not that I have, but that I could) myself … Take care … Lachryma

Response:

Lachryma wrote: > When I read the phrase "my OCD …" > it makes me cringe … why? I don’t know if I can verbalize what I mean, > but I’ll try — because ocd is like an alien invasion (no, I don’t believe > in actual aliens) that takes up residence inside our brains and when I hear > that phrase, it is like we are claiming ownership of it, as though it now > belongs there.

Hi Lachryma, I can understand what you mean though I think when people use the phrase ‘my OCD …’ there are likely as many different reasons why people write that as there are people. I say ‘my OCD’ quite often but I don’t think of OCD as a part of myself nor do I think of OCD as an alien that has moved into my brain. What I would rather say is, ‘my experience in dealing with the effects of a combination of personality traits, thinking styles and low tolerance to stress’ than ‘my OCD’ but … I’m lazy! I’m sure that there are people though that, like you suggest, ‘claim ownership’ of it and think it belongs there. > I wonder, frequently, how much OCD has intertwined itself into my > personality, especially in this phase of recovery … is it me or is it OCD? > But, is this because of basic personality traits that I > was born with or because of OCD?

I find it very interesting to read how others interpret their experiences with OCD. I feel, ‘my OCD’ (stop cringing! lol!) is just the result of the way I think, my beliefs about the world, my personality, my environment etc … all this on top of a being perhaps more genetically prone to feel anxiety, stress, stimulus etc … an overly ’sensitive’ person, biologically I mean. I don’t really see my OCD as an illness, a brain abnormality or a disease etc … as much as many other people do. I feel OCD is the result of the way I think, my enviroment, me genes etc … I feel my thinking created a change in my brain not that OCD caused a change that makes me think a certain way. I do think that there might be different types of OCD though – some more biologically based others not so much, etc … I dunno! — monkey .sdrawkcab dootsrednu tub sdrawrof devil si efiL

Response:

Monkey: Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I didn’t think of it as being a verbal shortcut — that is why I put my thoughts out there — to get help understanding not only myself, but others as well. And maybe none of this even makes sense if someone is continuously compelled to do senseless rituals — I have never had that experience — I have only experienced "pure obsessional" symptoms, and they are, for the most part, under control now. Except, of course, wondering if people like me, and are offended by what I write, though why I should care is beyond me — no one else has to live with me or pay for my mistakes, do you know what I mean? But, I think, like you said, that /’my experience in dealing with /the effects of a combination of personality traits, thinking /styles and low tolerance to stress’ than ‘my OCD’ but … I’m /lazy! /I don’t really see my OCD as an illness, a brain abnormality or a /disease etc … as much as many other people do. I feel OCD is /the result of the way I think, my enviroment, me genes etc … I /feel my thinking created a change in my brain not that OCD caused /a change that makes me think a certain way. I do think that there /might be different types of OCD though – some more biologically /based others not so much, etc … I dunno! I didn’t cringe too much — smile! Thanks again. Lachryma

Response:

Hi … I’ve been thinking about what Choroid said (yes, I think about this a lot – you are stuck in my head for the time being, Choroid, enjoying it in there? What out for the bogeyman!) about "you are you — not OCD" and he has a point. Before I get lynched, let me explain. Although ocd is part of our self-definition, it isn’t WHO we are. When I read the phrase "my OCD …" it makes me cringe … why? I don’t know if I can verbalize what I mean, but I’ll try — because ocd is like an alien invasion (no, I don’t believe in actual aliens) that takes up residence inside our brains and when I hear that phrase, it is like we are claiming ownership of it, as though it now belongs there. OCD affects our brain, and therefore our thought processes, and because the brain is the mechanism through wihich we interact with our environment, it becomes part of our self-definition. But, it isn’t who we are. We ARE much MORE than that. But until we can free ourselves (by means of medications, CBT, and other therapies) we can’t interact with our environment, or even ourselves, thoroughly enough to realize that. I wonder, frequently, how much OCD has intertwined itself into my personality, especially in this phase of recovery … is it me or is it OCD? I define myself as intelligent, conscientious, over-achieving, curious, thoughtful, obsessive (but in a good sense, single-minded, maybe), kind, goal-oriented, etc. When I was in the depths of depression and obsessing, I was still all of those things, but you couldn’t convince me of that. People; parents, friends, co-workers, teachers, have always told me that I think too much and worry too much. And I probably do, because I am terrified of emotions (especially in front of other people), I analyze things to death. But, is this because of basic personality traits that I was born with or because of OCD? I guess I’m really questioning whether we should claim ownership or responsibility (not for having OCD, but for overcoming it as best we can) … responsibility, definately, and unless the OCD is severely limiting, there are more difficult things to overcome (I think of Stephen Hawking or Christopher Reeves — I would much rather battle the problems that I have (anxiety mostly now), rather than what they have to deal with — although they are apparently in perfect mental health). My thought train has jumped the track … nap time, I think. Any help to clarify my thoughts would be greatly appreciated (and more power to anyone who can read through my ramblings to what I was trying to communicate — lol). Lachryma