Food in my stomach
Question:
random note: btw, gluten takes about 72 hours to completely digest. it’s nasty shit and i try to eat as little as possible. at least hard-core gluten such as donuts and pizza pies.
i have a really hard time processing gluten. it used to cause me to swell up with air, and i am not kidding! i stopped eating it for a year or so, and now i only eat it if i am dying for real pretzels, or whatever. everyone’s body is different, but my ole’ eating disordered one just cain’t handle the gluten thing. -starfisher
Response:
I have this weird ritual of "starting over"
it’s possible that you go through the "starting over" thing because failing is easier than continued success; continued success is a lot of hard work. then there is the perspective on newly successful behavior compared to the recent failure — see how well im doing? am i going to say this after each relapse? well, to a degree, yes…to another degree, how well im doing is that the disease is killing me softly. if i were bouncing back and forth and back and forth, "see how well im doing" is some delusion the disease would have convinced me of… progress, not perfection and progress is not "static" if you want to stay sick, stay sick. if you want to recover, get to work. the disease is vigilant. recovery is not. recovery requires vigilance. and it’s very fucking tiresome sometimes. when it’s most tiresome, difficult, and/or painful it is quite often our greatest period of growth. then we have to face the fear of success and freedom. with each comes responsibility. bummer, huh? 
im gonna get flamed for this. i care. btw, gluten takes about 72 hours to completely digest. it’s nasty shit and i try to eat as little as possible. at least hard-core gluten such as donuts and pizza pies. ahhhhhhhhh….fweenke, shadduppa you face!! and stickidda nose.
Response:
Hey Sarah! You know, I think that you have some realistic goals that you can work on! Good for you. I know it’s hard to actually put these in place, though. But hey, the first step is to be honest with yourself and where you are at, and to look at what you can possible change. And you’ve done that! Yay for you! finished my apron in grade 8, so you are a step ahead of me with the boxers! LOL. BUT (and this from a becca who has 2 left thumbs when it comes to crafts!!!) I have just started beading. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist for this one! It’s easy and it’s fun! In fact in a little while I am going to plop myself in front of a movie ("Truly, Madly, Deeply"–have you seen it? supposed to be like Ghost) and bead away. love to you, becca – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, guys, I’m going to put in a spoiler for talk of bingeing and purging. I’ll probably mention a few specific foods, too, so if any of this sort of thing triggers you, just skip on ahead to the next post. Okay? Here we go. * * * * * * * * * * * I’ve been "bad" lately, bingeing and purging and raiding the kitchen. At one point I had stopped raiding the kitchen for months, but now I’m doing it again. I have this weird ritual of "starting over" when I want to stop the b/p cycle, and I completed that ritual again today. It’s really stupid because it doesn’t work. You’d think I would have gotten a wake-up call by now and stopped, but as well as the ED I have OCD pretty badly, and I think the OCD is playing a major role in the "starting over" process. Right now, as part of the "starting over," I have a very small pizza and some cappuccino in my stomach. I really don’t like the way food feels in my stomach–any food. Pizza is the safest thing for me to eat, though. I think I’m going to be okay with this pizza. In fact, I finished eating it hours ago. Most of it is probably already digested except for a little bit of cheese, which seems to take the longest out of all the components of a pizza to actually be digested. Anyway, I still feel like there’s food in my stomach because of the salt in the pizza, I suppose. It makes me swell up a bit and feel full long after I’ve eaten. A key point in the "starting over" is to not throw up the pizza, nor eat anything else tonight. I think I can handle that. It’s very late (early, actually) and soon I’m going to be settling down with a movie. That should help distract me. I am also determined to stop this outrageous bingeing and purging and raiding the kitchen before it gets completely out of hand. I still feel like I am not all the way in the hole yet, so there’s a chance of my getting out before I end up on the very bottom. I’ve made a few decisions, small ones but I hope they’ll work. The first decision was to make a goal, which I have so far not kept since I made it a few days ago. That goal was to not raid the kitchen anymore. I’ll just have to try harder. I used to enjoy raiding the kitchen about a year ago, when my bulimia was at its worst, but I don’t enjoy it anymore. Secondly, I am going to pray more and read my Bible. I need to focus on something besides myself all the time, and what better thing for a Christian to focus upon than God? (I’m hoping He’ll help me out here a little, too!) I have also decided that I would like to take up some sort of, well, I don’t want to call it a hobby or a project. My OCD rebels against hobbies and projects. So I guess I’ll call it an interest. I’d like to try sewing some clothing for myself. It would be a challenge because I’m not a seamstress; my experience with sewing something to wear amounts to having made a pair of boxer shorts in the eleventh grade. But my mother knows a little about sewing and we have a sewing machine, so I think that one day this week I’ll go out and see if I can find a simple pattern to start out with. Wish me luck! This could be a lot of fun. I hope I don’t get really frustrated and give up on it. I mean, if I got really good at it I could even do some sewing for other people and get paid for it, like my grandmother did. She was quite the seamstress in her day. I hope that this week, I can follow my "safe" food guidelines so I don’t have to start over again. I’m going to try really hard and implement these new ideas into my schedule. Good night! Love, Butterflies
Response:
Hi Butterflies! I found your post very inspiring tonight. You seem to be doing a lot of soul searching, and you are coming up with answers! Keep it up, it really does work. I hope you like sewing! I love it. WAlmart is the best place to find patterns, they have all sorts, and the best part is they have thee best prices! Go nuts! God is with you, God is in you. We are all one in this world together and deebee let us know how you are hangin’ in there okay? its tough sometimes.
Response:
What an encouraging post. Keep those words close to your heart. You’ll be in my prayers throughout this endeavor. Baby steps, and eventually, moment by moment, you’ll get there. Adagio
Response:
Hi, guys, I’m going to put in a spoiler for talk of bingeing and purging. I’ll probably mention a few specific foods, too, so if any of this sort of thing triggers you, just skip on ahead to the next post. Okay? Here we go. * * * * * * * * * * * I’ve been "bad" lately, bingeing and purging and raiding the kitchen. At one point I had stopped raiding the kitchen for months, but now I’m doing it again. I have this weird ritual of "starting over" when I want to stop the b/p cycle, and I completed that ritual again today. It’s really stupid because it doesn’t work. You’d think I would have gotten a wake-up call by now and stopped, but as well as the ED I have OCD pretty badly, and I think the OCD is playing a major role in the "starting over" process. Right now, as part of the "starting over," I have a very small pizza and some cappuccino in my stomach. I really don’t like the way food feels in my stomach–any food. Pizza is the safest thing for me to eat, though. I think I’m going to be okay with this pizza. In fact, I finished eating it hours ago. Most of it is probably already digested except for a little bit of cheese, which seems to take the longest out of all the components of a pizza to actually be digested. Anyway, I still feel like there’s food in my stomach because of the salt in the pizza, I suppose. It makes me swell up a bit and feel full long after I’ve eaten. A key point in the "starting over" is to not throw up the pizza, nor eat anything else tonight. I think I can handle that. It’s very late (early, actually) and soon I’m going to be settling down with a movie. That should help distract me. I am also determined to stop this outrageous bingeing and purging and raiding the kitchen before it gets completely out of hand. I still feel like I am not all the way in the hole yet, so there’s a chance of my getting out before I end up on the very bottom. I’ve made a few decisions, small ones but I hope they’ll work. The first decision was to make a goal, which I have so far not kept since I made it a few days ago. That goal was to not raid the kitchen anymore. I’ll just have to try harder. I used to enjoy raiding the kitchen about a year ago, when my bulimia was at its worst, but I don’t enjoy it anymore. Secondly, I am going to pray more and read my Bible. I need to focus on something besides myself all the time, and what better thing for a Christian to focus upon than God? (I’m hoping He’ll help me out here a little, too!) I have also decided that I would like to take up some sort of, well, I don’t want to call it a hobby or a project. My OCD rebels against hobbies and projects. So I guess I’ll call it an interest. I’d like to try sewing some clothing for myself. It would be a challenge because I’m not a seamstress; my experience with sewing something to wear amounts to having made a pair of boxer shorts in the eleventh grade. But my mother knows a little about sewing and we have a sewing machine, so I think that one day this week I’ll go out and see if I can find a simple pattern to start out with. Wish me luck! This could be a lot of fun. I hope I don’t get really frustrated and give up on it. I mean, if I got really good at it I could even do some sewing for other people and get paid for it, like my grandmother did. She was quite the seamstress in her day. I hope that this week, I can follow my "safe" food guidelines so I don’t have to start over again. I’m going to try really hard and implement these new ideas into my schedule. Good night! Love, Butterflies
Response:
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