happy saturday
Question:
Hey Shell Glad to hear that you are having a good saturday. i am somewhat agoraphobic, and usuallly for me to be away from my apt , it scares me. i fear not being able to get home fast enough if i panic. and the idea of being stuck at work for several hours a day.
I’m struggling with the opposite at the moment. During weeks 12-15 of the semester, things tend to go very quiet. Everyone holes up in their room, revising for exams, there are no lectures, personal contact is minimal and I find it even more lonely than normal. I am spending so much time in my room, and sitting down studying and I’m going insane. I’m going through so much diet pepsi. I keep getting up for a drink just because I’m bored and it’s something to do. Plus I am such a restless person, and sitting down so much makes me feel very guilty. Not burning the calories etc. I was supposed to be going babysitting this evening but the family have just moved house and they are taking longer than expected to unpack. So she cancelled again. It’s not the money – I just really needed a change of scene. I am spending a fortune because I keep nipping to the store (just to get out for a bit) to buy one thing and of course, ending buying other things whilst I am there. It’s making me want to exercise more and by the time it gets to the evening, I am just feeling so low and pissed off and isolated and FAT that I am struggling like hell to eat my evening snack. Thinking about going to the library tomorrow afternoon to study, just to get out for a bit. Anyway, sorry Shell, this wasn’t meant to be about me. I am truly glad that the job is helping. It’s another step towards the light of day…. Love and hugs Beth
Response:
Shell – what a LONG way you’ve come! :) just hate being asksed questions i dont have the answers to ! so i am tryign to love myself through my imperfections and focusing on accepting myself with my faults.
Just to make sure I understand, are you saying it’s an imperfection or a fault to not have all the answers on a new job? Because everyone has a learning curve, it’s to be expected. There’s nothing imperfect about that. my depression has eased a little since i now have a schedule to follow. i have newe people in my life. and work provides and escape to my ed.
Isn’t that great the way that works? Plus having money come in helps with depression, too. i admit i put on my :face" when i go into work. smiling and cheerful even if i have been sobbing at home prior. but faking it sometimes makes me feel better anyway.
Well, I think it’s appropriate to put on our faces in order to meet our basic obligations, like earning a living. Not everyone needs to know about our struggles. The important thing is that we’re not denying them to ourselves. As long as we have our therapists and other support people to be honest with, it’s okay to "fake it ’til we make it" sometimes. And like you say, it can actually make us feel better to put on a smile even if it’s not 100% genuine at the moment. Wow, I’m just comparing where you are now to where you were last spring. You’ve made such great strides forward! I hope you give yourself tons of credit and appreciate your own strength and courage to have gotten this job and to be approaching it with such a can-do attitude. If we move forward in spite of our fears and doubts, miracles can occur. Betsy
Response:
Shell, You continue to impress me with each new hurdler you conquer. Love, Ellen
Response:
Hi Shell, Glad to hear things are looking up for you! Glad also to hear that you like your job at the YMCA….liking a job makes a BIG difference!! Also glad to hear that you’re taking nourishment, despite what the ED may tell you otherwise! Keep up the good work!! signman
Response:
hey shell i can relate to you just getting a new job too. it’s like i’m a totally different person there. but i dont look at it as being a fake smile or whatnot. we have different roles in life and of course we are different in those roles. you know? it’s not abnormal at all. i’m not going to interact with my parents after work like i interact with my clients during the day. of course not! so i dont think you being fake by putting on a smile that may not feel like it belongs there. sometimes we just do what we have to do. i’ve found the structure of work to help me out alot. my own ocd there. shell…i’m so proud of you…your going to make it. Love, smurfette ps..where are you..i have been calling 
