Humor – One Liners
Question:
: : OK for all of you out there searching for the perfect tag line, here’s : : a whole bunch from Steven Wright (a comic). Enjoy! : : Just got the following in e-mail… : : To my ASAP friends, I thought you all might enjoy this. : I would have posed it but didn’t feel like starting : something accidentally. : : (indentity not disclosed to protect the innocent) : : : 670 approximate number of the Beast : 0.666 number of the Millibeast : 666.00000 number of the High Precision Beast : 665.9999997 number of the Beast divided by 1 on a Pentium processor : 666^(-1) number of the Imaginary Beast : : Correction, that’s 666 * sqr(-1) : : 1-666 area code of the Beast : 00666 zip code of the Beast : $665.95 suggested retail price of the Beast : Route 666 way of the Beast : Phillips 666 gasoline of the Beast : 666k retirement plan of the Beast : Lotus 6-6-6 spreadsheet of the Beast : Word 6.66 word processor of the Beast : i8068666 CPU of the Beast — "Beastium Inside" : 666i BMW of the Beast : DSM-666 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast (revised) : 668 next door neighbor of the Beast : 6666 PIN of the Beast : 66.6kbps modem speed of the Beast : 666×666 monitor resolution of the Beast : System 6.66 Mac OS of the Beast : 666.jpg graphic of the Beast : error 666 known software bug of the Beast : 666.java source code of the Beast : http://www.666.com/welcome.html web page of the Beast : : Some additions of my own… : : 666 mph – Speed Limit on Beast Hiway : Explorer Post 666 – A group I mountaineered with (honest!) : English Lit. 666 - A class no one has ever passed : Inspected by 666 - Found in Beast’s underwear : 66.6 FM – The Beast’s radio station : 6.66 - Sheets on Beast’s toilet paper roll : 6/6/6 – Beast’s birthday : 666 – Evidence of Beast’s OCD : $666 - Cost of Beast’s therapy session : 666 Ways to Peace – A very unpopular self-help book : 999 – Upside-down Beast : Batman 666 - Sequel Film produced by the Beast : 666 – Number of buttons on Beast’s VCR : 6.66 hours - The wait for Beast’s pharmacist : $66.60 - Pharmacy price for Paxil (US Dollars) : : Um… there must be more… 
: : Beast Wishes, : Arthur At least 666 more. <grin — |Laura Varney |Du Bois Library |University of MA |(413) 545-1688
Response:
OK for all of you out there searching for the perfect tag line, here’s a whole bunch from Steven Wright (a comic). Enjoy! Lori from SF Madness takes its toll. Please have change. I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I intend to live forever – so far, so good I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff are made of Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Response:
SF) writes: If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Oh yes… Wonderful lines and thanks Lori… Jody My Karma hit your Dogma
Response:
: OK for all of you out there searching for the perfect tag line, here’s : a whole bunch from Steven Wright (a comic). Enjoy! Just got the following in e-mail… To my ASAP friends, I thought you all might enjoy this. I would have posed it but didn’t feel like starting something accidentally.
(indentity not disclosed to protect the innocent) 670 approximate number of the Beast 0.666 number of the Millibeast 666.00000 number of the High Precision Beast 665.9999997 number of the Beast divided by 1 on a Pentium processor 666^(-1) number of the Imaginary Beast
Correction, that’s 666 * sqr(-1) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – 1-666 area code of the Beast 00666 zip code of the Beast $665.95 suggested retail price of the Beast Route 666 way of the Beast Phillips 666 gasoline of the Beast 666k retirement plan of the Beast Lotus 6-6-6 spreadsheet of the Beast Word 6.66 word processor of the Beast i8068666 CPU of the Beast — "Beastium Inside" 666i BMW of the Beast DSM-666 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast (revised) 668 next door neighbor of the Beast 6666 PIN of the Beast 66.6kbps modem speed of the Beast 666×666 monitor resolution of the Beast System 6.66 Mac OS of the Beast 666.jpg graphic of the Beast error 666 known software bug of the Beast 666.java source code of the Beast http://www.666.com/welcome.html web page of the Beast
Some additions of my own… 666 mph – Speed Limit on Beast Hiway Explorer Post 666 – A group I mountaineered with (honest!) English Lit. 666 - A class no one has ever passed Inspected by 666 - Found in Beast’s underwear 66.6 FM – The Beast’s radio station 6.66 - Sheets on Beast’s toilet paper roll 6/6/6 – Beast’s birthday 666 – Evidence of Beast’s OCD $666 - Cost of Beast’s therapy session 666 Ways to Peace – A very unpopular self-help book 999 – Upside-down Beast Batman 666 - Sequel Film produced by the Beast 666 – Number of buttons on Beast’s VCR 6.66 hours - The wait for Beast’s pharmacist $66.60 - Pharmacy price for Paxil (US Dollars) Um… there must be more… Beast Wishes, Arthur
