OCD and relationships
Question:
karen, I understood your points completely and agree with so much of what you wrote. I even understood your point about the "inner" brain telling you the sane thing to do and the "outer brain" telling you the OCD or anxious thng to do. Of course, you would agree, that is easier said then done. I just went thru a similiar experience as this gal and drove someone special away with my neediness, vulnerbility, need for love, and desperation to be reassured. Luckily for me, it was only a two month deal and i had some great support from Jan (guystie) who really pointed out some realities about my personal experience. I also had soe support from another OCDer who never posts herebut writes to me freqently. So, i feel much better and ready to move on thanks to allthe support i got. Thank you for your post and support. Tom Luby
Response:
Greetings everyone, I’ve posted here infrequently, although I visit quite often. I find the words of fellow ocd’ers comforting when my life is in a tail spin because of this tiresome disease. Right now, I’m in a tail spin. I’ve had ocd for about 14 years now. Have been trying to deal w/it on my own most of those years. Although, I did see a specialist in NYC years ago and got on Anafranil. Stopped taking it when I began feeling better. Of course, this was a recipie for disaster. I’m now seeking help again because my ocd is now making my life a living hell. I’m currently in a relationship w/a man that I love dearly. Unfortunately, my ocd has been putting a severe strain on us. Basically, I’m driving him crazy. And it appears that I’m about to lose him because of my illness. Whenever things begin getting stressful between us, my ocd is triggered. I begin obsessing and ruminating. I compare my situation to that of an artist who continually touches up a painting on a canvas, never knowing quite when it’s "finished." And eventually of course, he ends up ruining the work because he couldn’t leave it alone. This is me. Whenever things are on the downside w/us, my ocd kicks in full force. I freak out completely. To get reassurance, I begin phoning too often, I ask, "Do you love me?" I begin speaking in very grandiose terms like "I really want us to have a baby someday soon." It always ends up making him distance himself from me emotionally for a while. When this happens, I begin drinking too much, go on continuous crying jags, phone him up after I’ve been drinking, etc. You get the picture. He knows about my ocd, but I have to say he hasn’t been quite as understanding as he could be. I want him to know that when I get like this, it’s not really me, it’s due to my illness. I hate myself when I’m ocding. Loathe myself completely. Later, I’m consumed w/shame. Which I obsess about as well. We just had another crisis. I went for an HIV test because we’ve decided to be monogamous. I tested negative and phoned him to share the news. He knows that hiv is one of my greatest phobias. It was so difficult for me to go down there and go through w/the test. And I won’t even go into how hellish my night was while waiting for the results. My ocd had almost convinced me that the results weren’t going to be good. Suppose it’s not called the "doubting disease" for nothing right? Anyway, he freaked out after I told him that I had been tested. Got very nervous, which of course triggered my ocd. He didn’t even phone me back to say "nice to hear the news hon…glad you got tested" after I left the result on his answering machine. In other words, he wasn’t supportive of me like he should have been. I was so angry…yet couldn’t tell him so for fear of losing him. Monday he phoned to say that we should cool things out for awhile. Of course, I’ve done nothing but obsess since that time. My ocd has been leading me to phone him, plead w/him, etc. We’re supposed to have another talk about our future together tomorrow and I have a feeling that it’s not going to be good news. I just know that this will be so hard on me emotionally. And that I’m going to be obsessing continuously…driving myself and my family crazy. I’ve already stopped eating because of the stress of all this. I’ve gone four days now on a snickers bar. I’m weak, tired of this disease, angry that it’s going to be the cause of losing someone that I truly love, and have fleeting thoughts of ending it all. I want so much to be strong if indeed he says that it’s all over. So much. Thanks for letting me share…God bless.
Response:
hi, i have had the same problems with reletionships. and i always wondered how it related to my ocd. i now actually shy away from reletionships because i am afraid of it happening again. it is the worse feeling in the world when you realie you have become the kind of person you hate, but you can not stop it. you should definitly get away from him if he cannot be supportive about your ocd. espicesically smaller symptoms, that do not require as much understanding as the reletionship daming ones. i always had things in a reletionship under control, to the point that i realized i could possilbly be hurt, i felt very vulnerable, and a lose of control. then i would start going crazy. i would ignore all of the red flags that i shouldnt and didnt want to be with this person . it was almost a fear of being alone. which i think alot of came from feeling very isolated because i never spoke about ocd to anyone including a shrink. so i always thought i was half way to the looney bin. i never know if that was the cause or just the ocd. my advice to you, which i realize may be impossible to follow is to always listen to you inner brain. the part that is sane but hard to act on. for example…… you are at his house, he is giving you signs that he wants to be alone. your outer brian tells you not to leave, but your more wise inner brain picks up his signs and knows you should go. does this make any sense? i am not very good at explaining things clearly. but act on what you know is the right thing to do. not what your obsessive over active mind is telling you. and just remeber (assuming you want to be truly in love with someone) to be truly in love with someone they have to love you back. and part of love is understanding. if he cant understand you. it is not true love, so it is not what you want or need anyway. on the eating part. i suggest friut and crackers. whenevr i cannot eat because of anxiety and worry those are the best things. and not eating tends to make ocd worse. so try to eat before your meeting with him. i wish you luck. i hope this was at all helpful. karen
Response:
I lost my second husband of ONE YEAR because of my OCD. He knew I had it when we got married, and then couldn’t handle it. If this guy is already showing you signs of non-support…. skip it+ACEAIQAh- Believe me, being in a relationship that’s not working is harder than being alone+ACE- Don’t put yourself thru hell on earth if he’s not prince charming. — dolphinz+AEA-teleport.com Allegra640 wrote in message
+ADw-19990324234755.00974.00001147+AEA-ng-fd1.aol.com+AD4-… +AD4-Greetings everyone, +AD4- +AD4-I’ve posted here infrequently, although I visit quite often. I find the words +AD4-of fellow ocd’ers comforting when my life is in a tail spin because of this +AD4-tiresome disease. Right now, I’m in a tail spin. I’ve had ocd for about 14 +AD4-years now. Have been trying to deal w/it on my own most of those years. +AD4-Although, I did see a specialist in NYC years ago and got on Anafranil. +AD4-Stopped taking it when I began feeling better. Of course, this was a recipie +AD4-for disaster. I’m now seeking help again because my ocd is now making my life +AD4-a living hell. +AD4- +AD4-I’m currently in a relationship w/a man that I love dearly. Unfortunately, my +AD4-ocd has been putting a severe strain on us. Basically, I’m driving him crazy. +AD4-And it appears that I’m about to lose him because of my illness. Whenever +AD4-things begin getting stressful between us, my ocd is triggered. I begin +AD4-obsessing and ruminating. I compare my situation to that of an artist who +AD4-continually touches up a painting on a canvas, never knowing quite when it’s +AD4AIg-finished.+ACI- And eventually of course, he ends up ruining the work because he +AD4-couldn’t leave it alone. This is me. Whenever things are on the downside +AD4-w/us, my ocd kicks in full force. I freak out completely. To get reassurance, +AD4-I begin phoning too often, I ask, +ACI-Do you love me?+ACI- I begin speaking in very +AD4-grandiose terms like +ACI-I really want us to have a baby someday soon.+ACI- It always +AD4-ends up making him distance himself from me emotionally for a while. When this +AD4-happens, I begin drinking too much, go on continuous crying jags, phone him up +AD4-after I’ve been drinking, etc. You get the picture. He knows about my ocd, +AD4-but I have to say he hasn’t been quite as understanding as he could be. I want +AD4-him to know that when I get like this, it’s not really me, it’s due to my +AD4-illness. I hate myself when I’m ocding. Loathe myself completely. Later, I’m +AD4-consumed w/shame. Which I obsess about as well. +AD4- +AD4-We just had another crisis. I went for an HIV test because we’ve decided to be +AD4-monogamous. I tested negative and phoned him to share the news. He knows that +AD4-hiv is one of my greatest phobias. It was so difficult for me to go down there +AD4-and go through w/the test. And I won’t even go into how hellish my night was +AD4-while waiting for the results. My ocd had almost convinced me that the results +AD4-weren’t going to be good. Suppose it’s not called the +ACI-doubting disease+ACI- for +AD4-nothing right? Anyway, he freaked out after I told him that I had been tested. +AD4- Got very nervous, which of course triggered my ocd. He didn’t even phone me +AD4-back to say +ACI-nice to hear the news hon…glad you got tested+ACI- after I left the +AD4-result on his answering machine. In other words, he wasn’t supportive of me +AD4-like he should have been. I was so angry…yet couldn’t tell him so for fear +AD4-of losing him. +AD4-Monday he phoned to say that we should cool things out for awhile. Of course, +AD4-I’ve done nothing but obsess since that time. My ocd has been leading me to +AD4-phone him, plead w/him, etc. We’re supposed to have another talk about our +AD4-future together tomorrow and I have a feeling that it’s not going to be good +AD4-news. I just know that this will be so hard on me emotionally. And that I’m +AD4-going to be obsessing continuously…driving myself and my family crazy. I’ve +AD4-already stopped eating because of the stress of all this. I’ve gone four days +AD4-now on a snickers bar. I’m weak, tired of this disease, angry that it’s going +AD4-to be the cause of losing someone that I truly love, and have fleeting thoughts +AD4-of ending it all. I want so much to be strong if indeed he says that it’s all +AD4-over. So much. +AD4- +AD4-Thanks for letting me share…God bless.
