Feeling a little sorry for myself
Question:
I don’t know if I even have a brother anymore. I haven’t seen him since last Thanksgiving, he never calls, he forgets my birthday and Christmas and he’s divorcing. We live in different countries but it wasn’t any different when we lived in the same state. My dad and I had to find him and he made no effort to do anything to bring us together. He’s an adult, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to be the one trying to carry on the relationship. Some people go through selfish periods. My brothers selfish period has been going on for the past twenty-eight years. I never see my niece and nephew from his first marriage because they live with their mother. The sad thing is, I see him more then Jason does. My youngest nephew turned two a few months ago. I haven’t seen him in a year and I fear that I’ll never see him again. We dont know where my brother is and his wife is probably going to take the baby and run. I’m worried my brother wont fight for him. He’s a good father but all three of his kids live in seperate places. They must feel much more abandoned then I do. Rachel
Response:
Hi Rachel, Sorry you’re feeling depressed. I’ve got a brother and a sister who rarely talk to each other. It’s very hard for me to understand but they just don’t seem to find it easy to communicate. I’ve encouraged them to chat on the ‘phone occasionally but they tried it once and then just gave up. They do live 80 miles apart but my brother has never once travelled to her home for a visit. I’ve visited my sister twice (and will again in about 3 weeks time) although my OCD makes travelling difficult. She comes to Cambridge several times a year to stay with me for a couple of days. Your situation is even worse than my brother/sister not communicating. Do you ever talk to your parents about this? It must be painful for a number of reasons, one of which is that you’re powerless to change the situation. It’s possible that things will change when your brother’s divorce is over with. Maybe he’ll visit you and your parents. For now, there’s very little that you can do except wait and hope for the best. I agree that he’s being very selfish by not even letting you know where he is. Perhaps he’s so stressed-out by this second divorce that he can’t cope with contacting you and your family. All I can really suggest is talking about all this with your parents. Maybe nothing can be done for the time being but at least they would understand how depressed and worried you’re feeling. Very kind regards, Steve
