Obsessed Boyfriend
Question:
Hello, My BF and I are doing pretty well together these days. He seems to be feeling pretty depressed right now. And he is obsessing about getting his dog back from a woman who ended up with the dog some time ago when he lost his job and hit hard times. I know that many of us obsess about something as a way of avoiding strong feelings about something else. I believe this is what he is doing. He is spending a lot of time hatching plans to find this woman (she has since moved) and abduct his dog. I have done my best to steer him away from this thinking. But I feel pretty helpless. And I feel so sad that he is going through this. I love him dearly and it is so painful to see someone I love suffer. I don’t know what to do. I wish I could just grab him and hold him and tell him that it is alright and make it all okay for him. Of course, I know I cannot do this. I am struggling. Trying to mind my own business and still be loving and supportive. I would like some feedback, support and suggestions, please. Thank you. Jill
Response:
Hi Jill, I am a major extreme dog lover. We live with our dogs. Our home is designed to be comfortable to dogs first and people second. When my favorite dog in this lifetime died a few years back, I had to take time off work I was so grieved. But what pulled me out of it was a new puppy. New puppies are soft warm, eager to please, little, innocent, trusting, bundles of delight. I’ve never forgotten The Best Dog I Ever Had, But pining after him exited with the new face licker. If I were you, I would consider getting him a poochie for christmas. A young one just old enough to be weaned 6 to 8 weeks so that it is majorly dependent on your boyfriend. And if you get one, I am jealous! Peas, Kip On Mon, 20 Dec 1999 20:22:36 GMT, "Sweet Baby Jill" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<jil….@mciworld.com> wrote: >Hello, >My BF and I are doing pretty well together these days. >He seems to be feeling pretty depressed right now. And he is obsessing >about getting his dog back from a woman who ended up with the dog some time >ago when he lost his job and hit hard times. >I know that many of us obsess about something as a way of avoiding strong >feelings about something else. I believe this is what he is doing. >He is spending a lot of time hatching plans to find this woman (she has >since moved) and abduct his dog. I have done my best to steer him away from >this thinking. But I feel pretty helpless. >And I feel so sad that he is going through this. I love him dearly and it >is so painful to see someone I love suffer. I don’t know what to do. >I wish I could just grab him and hold him and tell him that it is alright >and make it all okay for him. Of course, I know I cannot do this. I am >struggling. Trying to mind my own business and still be loving and >supportive. >I would like some feedback, support and suggestions, please. >Thank you. >Jill
Response:
Oh, another thing, Jill, If it were me, I would not be obsessing to "strong feelings about something else" There are some folks that are just nutz (in a happy way) about pets. Give him a dog and even if he objects, the puppy will know how to work it’s puppy magic on him. Peas, Kip On Mon, 20 Dec 1999 20:22:36 GMT, "Sweet Baby Jill" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<jil….@mciworld.com> wrote: >Hello, >My BF and I are doing pretty well together these days. >He seems to be feeling pretty depressed right now. And he is obsessing >about getting his dog back from a woman who ended up with the dog some time >ago when he lost his job and hit hard times. >I know that many of us obsess about something as a way of avoiding strong >feelings about something else. I believe this is what he is doing. >He is spending a lot of time hatching plans to find this woman (she has >since moved) and abduct his dog. I have done my best to steer him away from >this thinking. But I feel pretty helpless. >And I feel so sad that he is going through this. I love him dearly and it >is so painful to see someone I love suffer. I don’t know what to do. >I wish I could just grab him and hold him and tell him that it is alright >and make it all okay for him. Of course, I know I cannot do this. I am >struggling. Trying to mind my own business and still be loving and >supportive. >I would like some feedback, support and suggestions, please. >Thank you. >Jill
Response:
Jill, I know you just can not wait to hear my $.02 cents on this one. the very short version: dump him imediately and work on your own mental health and happiness. I really do not think you are helthy enough to be dating anyone……yet. the longer version: You start your post off with saying you and your Bf are doing well and then precede to tell us about ow torn you and he are over this lost pooch. That doesnt sound too self-effacing. Jill, it is my opinion that you do have a good OCD heart. That is right, your ‘good heart" is part of your OCD. You must recognize that. It seems you also love to play the martyr, the good loving and neglected GF. "Oh, poor Jill, she is so good and her BF is so bad". "She gives and he takes". "what a good erson she is". Where does that BS get you. You just go round and round in your sickness. Who knows, maybe you are afraid of being alone? I hate all the new buzz words, but you and your fucked upBF, are CO-DEPENDENT!!! You get tom playthe martyr who is so good and never recieves love in return for all your giving and your BF gets to recieve the love he never got at ome. he takes and you give. but you get something out of that. you can stay in your fearful and sick world because your love must come from some saga and have an lelement of guilt to it because you do not believe you are worthy of love. It is my belief, that you will NEVER break up with this guy and therefore, you will NEVER improve. Your only chance at recovery, is to be alone for a while to really get to know yourself without other emotions being dredged up by another ill person that drains on you and further exsasserbates (sp?) your mental disorder. Just my real opinion. TL
