To Unlisted aka AA Guy
Question:
Hi AA Guy; I have been lurking on this newsgroup for about 6 months and this is my first post. I went through a divorce quite a few years back (20 years ago) and don’t feel I should post here because that is long past. However, I truly feel for you and just wanted to say hang on!!! I’ve been through a similar situation. When I stopped drinking, all kinds of emotions came rushing to the surface. I felt like I was going crazy. What the booze did was cover all of that up. Finally I went to see a clinical psychologist and was diagnosed with OCD. She told me that I was self-medicating and put me on an anti-depressant. I’ll tell you what, after that, the urge to drink for me went away and I became so much better. As a result, there was a big improvement in my 2nd marriage (been married 16 years this time) … which was on the rocks. It took awhile but there was an improvement. Now I am a happily married girl with my head on straight. It was a miracle and a true gift. I don’t know if you have the same problem but it might do you some good to go talk to a professional because it is impossible to do it alone. Also, keep going to AA meetings. I wish you the best. Stay on the wagon. You’ll eventually begin to like it and yourself and then others will like you too. Take care and keep posting.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks all for the support. The wife and I are not doing so well. But I am sober and will stay that way. We are going on a cruise in the Carribean on Saturday with family. I don’t really want to go now, but she says we need to. The wife says there’s a chance that some magic will happen and she’ll fall inlove with me again and our mariage become something that it should have been all the time. I think she’s is denial. I will go, but I think it will be a disaster. After the cruise I really think she will divorce after she finds a new job and a place to live. Thanks God there’s Friends of Bill on the cruise so I have some support. Everyone have a Happy Y2K! Bye for this year, AA Guy
Hi AA 
Know what? I think maybe you guys are trying TOO HARD! You can’t MAKE love happen and you can’t MAKE trust reappear. It really does take time. You seem very impatient (and pessimistic) at the moment. Stop and smell the roses – and listen to the birdsong – if you see my point. As for not wanting to go and expecting the holiday to be a bummer. It probably will be if that is your launch-pad. How about changing to "we’ll see how it goes" and "will be nice to get away from the dull everyday for a while" – or just "at least I can sleep, I will be on holiday" 
Also – if you are expecting your wife to leave you – she might feel that you are pushing her away. I know this sounds very simple and is really very hard – but try to relax about it all! As long as you are staying sober, that is the important thing. I personally would be much more patient with a husband that was sober than one who wasn’t. I wish you a very nice holiday and some good, quiet, close times with your wife! Happy Y2K! Bubbles
Response:
My life is gettng worse. I am trying to focus on myself and sobriety, but can not do it. My wife is everything I ever wanted in life and I am losing it. Yet, i still will not drink no matter how hard it gets and, yes, I am going to my meetings. My heart is dead and can not write right now. I’ll post once my mind is clear and my heart can beat again. Thanks for the support AA GUY aka Unlisted
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – How are things going for you? I haven’t seen any posts from you lately and was wondering if things are still well. I sure hope everything is going well and you "stay on the wagon" so to speak during the holiday season! Keep your guard up on New Years and avoid those all-too tempting parties! I wish you the best….keep us all posted!
Response:
You may want to move out for a couple of weeks, live with a guy from the program, and get your emotions together. Even though I have been sober a long time, my husband claimed that he couldn’t concentrate on sobriety living in the same house as me, so he moved out… On a bad note, he couldn’t concentrate on sobriety living away from me either, and has been out for almost 20 months, and is looking at prison time for yet another DUI…
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My life is gettng worse. I am trying to focus on myself and sobriety, but can not do it. My wife is everything I ever wanted in life and I am losing it. Yet, i still will not drink no matter how hard it gets and, yes, I am going to my meetings. My heart is dead and can not write right now. I’ll post once my mind is clear and my heart can beat again. Thanks for the support AA GUY aka Unlisted How are things going for you? I haven’t seen any posts from you lately and was wondering if things are still well. I sure hope everything is going well and you "stay on the wagon" so to speak during the holiday season! Keep your guard up on New Years and avoid those all-too tempting parties! I wish you the best….keep us all posted!
Response:
My life is gettng worse. I am trying to focus on myself and sobriety, but can not do it. My wife is everything I ever wanted in life and I am losing it. Yet, i still will not drink no matter how hard it gets and, yes, I am going to my meetings. My heart is dead and can not write right now. I’ll post once my mind is clear and my heart can beat again. Thanks for the support AA GUY aka Unlisted
Hi AA Looks like you are battling your way through a rough patch at the moment. So very glad to see your "I will not drink, no matter how hard it gets." That’s GREAT! That will help you get THROUGH the rough patch and into "calmer waters". If its any consolation – without the rough patches, we really wouldn’t appreciate the good bits by far as much! Your wife needs time, just like you do. Don’t expect things to change overnight. Keep going to your meetings and keep up your resolve. I think that will help her to relax more as time goes on – and I don’t mean hours or days – I mean weeks and months – but one step at a time – for both of you. Best wishes! Bubbles
Response:
AA Guy, Each morning I receive via email a Daily Thought for alcoholics in recovery. Today’s was totally appropriate, I think, for what you’re going through. I find it amazing that these Daily Thoughts most always address something that’s going on in my life–at just the time I’m going through them! And remember, if the going gets too tough, try reciting the Serenity Prayer. If even that’s too hard for you, try my shortened version: FUCK IT! FUCK IT! FUCK IT! :-) P.S. If you (or anybody else!) are interested in receiving this Daily Thought through email each day, feel free to email me at ******* AA Thought for the Day December 29, 1999 Hope "Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening, through the practice of AA’s Twelve Steps." (Bill W., AA Grapevine, Dec. 1957, As Bill Sees It, p. 
Thought to Ponder… "Life will mean something at last." (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 152) * * * . * ( —- /) . * . ( (_)/ ) . * (_ / < _) * . /____ . H O P E = Honest Open Positive Environment. . A Member Shares: When I first came to AA, I brought all kinds of baggage. A bad marriage, the death of my love and my first child, and the list goes on. But AA gave me a hope and strength I never knew was possible. I live free and happy today, no matter what my problems. AA gives me solutions to even the harshest problems I face. I have lost two men that I loved heart and soul, one to this disease, the other to cancer, just a few weeks ago. I also lost my grandfathers, my first sponsor, and father in law in this last year. I could be angry, or stay sad and grieve forever. But the program teaches me to be grateful for what I have instead of wishing for what I DON’T have. I choose to be grateful. It hurts, all this loss, yes it does. But King Alcohol doesn’t get to make things worse today. I have learned that I don’t have to drink again, no matter what. I cling to my people in AA, my other family, and I stay alive and my faith and sanity is restored at the times when I feel sick or crazy with grief. I came to AA with the loss of my first child when she was barely three years old. The loss of my first love, and my religious upbringing started the horrible process and progression on alcoholism that nearly killed me right away. Alcohol, in spite of my older age when I began my drinking career, almost killed me immediately. The pain of my life was so great then that I attempted suicide, and nearly succeeded. I am grateful that a loving Power greater than myself did not allow this. Today, my life is better and I am more grateful than words can express. Thank you, AA, for the joy and love of my life, and even for the pain of it. For it is through pain that I grow as well as learn how to become the person I think God intended me to be. — Alix M. (All shares are reproduced with the kind permission of the person sharing.) *******
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My life is gettng worse. I am trying to focus on myself and sobriety, but can not do it. My wife is everything I ever wanted in life and I am losing it. Yet, i still will not drink no matter how hard it gets and, yes, I am going to my meetings. My heart is dead and can not write right now. I’ll post once my mind is clear and my heart can beat again. Thanks for the support AA GUY aka Unlisted How are things going for you? I haven’t seen any posts from you lately and was wondering if things are still well. I sure hope everything is going well and you "stay on the wagon" so to speak during the holiday season! Keep your guard up on New Years and avoid those all-too tempting parties! I wish you the best….keep us all posted!
Response:
Unlisted, I am really sorry to hear about the turmoil going on again. It sure was looking up for you for a while there. But keep optimistic. I know it is very hard, I am a very pessimistic person myself, but sometimes I just stop and tell myself, okay…today is going to be better! I really hope you can do that with your cruise. You could be right about your wife being in denial, but this is much better than her telling you that she doesn’t even want to try anymore. I think she may really want to work things out with you, but has tried so many times before to no avail that it is just harder for her now to keep her hopes up and keep trying, know what I mean?? Anyway, I am really glad to hear you are staying on track with your meetings and staying sober, CONGRATS!!!! Wishing you the best of luck, Brenda
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks all for the support. The wife and I are not doing so well. But I am sober and will stay that way. We are going on a cruise in the Carribean on Saturday with family. I don’t really want to go now, but she says we need to. The wife says there’s a chance that some magic will happen and she’ll fall inlove with me again and our mariage become something that it should have been all the time. I think she’s is denial. I will go, but I think it will be a disaster. After the cruise I really think she will divorce after she finds a new job and a place to live. Thanks God there’s Friends of Bill on the cruise so I have some support. Everyone have a Happy Y2K! Bye for this year, AA Guy
Response:
Thanks all for the support. The wife and I are not doing so well. But I am sober and will stay that way. We are going on a cruise in the Carribean on Saturday with family. I don’t really want to go now, but she says we need to. The wife says there’s a chance that some magic will happen and she’ll fall inlove with me again and our mariage become something that it should have been all the time. I think she’s is denial. I will go, but I think it will be a disaster. After the cruise I really think she will divorce after she finds a new job and a place to live. Thanks God there’s Friends of Bill on the cruise so I have some support. Everyone have a Happy Y2K! Bye for this year, AA Guy
Response:
Try to go with a positive attitude…it seems to help enjoy yourself.. relax..and have some fun.. try to rekindle what you once had.. its worth a shot anyway
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks all for the support. The wife and I are not doing so well. But I am sober and will stay that way. We are going on a cruise in the Carribean on Saturday with family. I don’t really want to go now, but she says we need to. The wife says there’s a chance that some magic will happen and she’ll fall inlove with me again and our mariage become something that it should have been all the time. I think she’s is denial. I will go, but I think it will be a disaster. After the cruise I really think she will divorce after she finds a new job and a place to live. Thanks God there’s Friends of Bill on the cruise so I have some support. Everyone have a Happy Y2K! Bye for this year, AA Guy
