Acceptance?
Question:
Hallo Ingrid, When I first started reading this ng, I was relieved to read that I was not the only one, I was not alone.. I posted a message expressing this relief.. I got response. 
That did a load of good. I tried to get involved in some conversations but, all of a sudden, I got no response at all. 
I didn’t get involved in any of the flame wars and I kept wondering why.. And why am I so afraid that no one accepts me?
You know I’ve had this feeling too, beeing affraid not to be accepted. In my case it has be come clear now that this feeeling finds its origin in the years that it was treeted as a scape goat at school. This resulted in the fact the I didn’t accept myself. But now that I have learned to accept myself, with the help of a therapist, it seems like other people accept me too. Maybe my case is not as severe as yours. Maybe I can manage without medication but that doesn’t mean that it’s not hard for me. I’m afraid to sleep, afraid I will not wake up the next morning. Afraid to hear my heart pounding, afraid it might suddenly stop. I’m afraid to meet people, afraid I’m not accepted.. I’m afraid you don’t accept me..
Well I do accept you as you are Ingrid. And I take you just as serious as all of the other reader of ASAP do. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Right now I’m four months pregnant. I’m scared I might pass on my anxiety to my child, like my mother did to me.. When it’s born I can hide it from the baby but now I can’t. I’m afraid it feels my anxiety. I’ve heard an unborn baby still picks up impressions and can suffer from traumas the mother goes through.. The subject was brought up a little while ago, about wether or not anxiety was inheritable but there was little response. It’s on my mind every moment of the day and I don’t know where to turn to so, please, don’t turn me away.. Grtz.. Ingrid
Response:
So many things are inherited, that the world would end if everyone who had something decided not to have children. Don’t worry. Chances are, I hope, that by the time our children "get" these problems, if they even do, there will be a definative and positive answer medically or psychologically. Don’t worry and just enjoy your pregnancy and your child. Best of luck! Jody (Mother of three daughters without P/A) SO FAR
Response:
GS I’m sure you’ll get responses, we don’t like to see anyone out there GS in pain:) Hi Gretchen, yes, I’ve now had an overwhelming response. Too much to reply them all without repeating myself. It does a load of good that everyone says the same. About my fear of inheritary <sp?? anxiety: Is there any information about it, that you know of, I could look up? (err no homepages or anything, I don’t have a direct account, but maybe articles, books or magazines) Thank you. Grtz.. Ingrid
Response:
There is some evidence that panic attack syndrome is inherited. (or the tendency). But, I wouldn’t worry about that now. The best thing you can do is to love your child and be the best mother you can. Thats the best any Mom can do and in my opinion panic attacks are not the worst thing a Mom can have.
*From my own personal experience* the worst thing to do - regarding GAD/PD – is raise a child by making "concern" and "worrying about…" the same as love and nurture (or at least, showing more worry than love). My mother raised me, I believe, most of time showing concern and worry for me (because I was the youngest, and was awfully shy), and probably didn’t realize at the time that that wasn’t the whole part about showing love and affection. And when I did "good," she would praise me, to make me feel better (for certain), but in the end, *to let herself worry less about me*. I learned not to accept or believe compliments, since *I* saw that my mother’s weren’t actually for me and were in fact, in a way, selfish. Therefore, all I learned was to worry about myself and my future, and not love myself or believe anything I did was good enough. I’m not sure if my mother’s difficulty with my pregnancy (and worrying about it) affected me; I think the environment in which a child is raised is more important in the long run. And, as long as the child is still living at home, I doubt it is ever too late to change patterns and set things on a better path. However, I have two sisters, and one of them has GAD and mild PD. My mother’s parents are both very anxious people (my grandmother has PD I believe), and my father’s mother was a bit O/C (I’ve heard). So, there may either be a genetic factor, and/or it may be the passing down of manners of care-giving through the generations. There are probably many factors that contribute to PD – as most here in the group know by now – but this is my story (short story!) for the record. -ShyPuppy <aka Rich
Response:
GK I’m afraid you don’t accept me.. GK I do Hey! I know you do! GK Glad to have you back here:-) Mind you, you have some credit for that too. Grtz.. Ingrid
Response:
I’m afraid you don’t accept me..
No no no… we love ya to bitz Ingrid! Have all of your posts been getting through? I remember you posted a lot in the summer then in the last few weeks I’ve only seen two prior to this thread. Please don’t worry about your baby. It’ll be fine and as the child grows it will benefit from the knowledge you have learned about this. Keep us informed on how things are going will you? Good luck — ROB… "high mileage but reliable!"
Response:
SP *From my own personal experience* the worst thing to do – regarding SP GAD/PD – is raise a child by making "concern" and "worrying about…" SP the same as love and nurture (or at least, showing more worry than SP love). Wise words.. But I have absolutely no experiance with children, other that from a distance so I really wouldn’t know I how would act.. My biggest concern is that, if can be inherited and my child notices what’s going on, the chances will only be bigger that s/he will develop the same disorder. SP My mother raised me, I believe, most of time showing concern and worry SP for me (because I was the youngest, and was awfully shy), and probably SP didn’t realize at the time that that wasn’t the whole part about showing SP love and affection. And when I did "good," she would praise me, to make SP me feel better (for certain), but in the end, *to let herself worry less SP about me*. My mother allways worried about numerous things.. Money, family, people’s opinions.. She allways took great pride in the fact that she was able to let us do things, like sports and joining clubs, dispite the fact there was so little money.. So, I guess that’s allmost the same. Did she do that for us or to give herself the satisfaction of succeeding? Maybe that’s why my brother can’t find any appreciation for that.. SP There are probably many factors that contribute to PD – as most here in SP the group know by now – but this is my story (short story!) for the SP record. Well, I find it hard to believe that it comes only from experiance, hard childhood or suffered traumas. Anybody should be having PD if that’s the case ’cause nobody goes through life without hard times. And that’s what scares me.. It turned out that, in my father’s family, there’s also a history of anxiety so it comes from both sides.. (I’m raised without knowing my father so I couldn’t have ‘copied’ his behaviour) Grtz.. Ingrid
Response:
Dear Ingrid, Maybe my case is not as severe as yours. Maybe I can manage without medication but that doesn’t mean that it’s not hard for me. I’m afraid to sleep, afraid I will not wake up the next morning. Afraid to hear my heart pounding, afraid it might suddenly stop. I’m afraid to meet people, afraid I’m not accepted.. I’m afraid you don’t accept me..
I feel bad that you feel that way. Of course you are accepted. And I know how you feel, really. I wish I could right now give you a hug and tell you it is gonna be allright. So consider this a *big, warm* hug and mail me when ever you like to do so. The subject was brought up a little while ago, about wether or not anxiety was inheritable but there was little response. It’s on my mind every moment of the day and I don’t know where to turn to so, please, don’t turn me away..
Anxiety is not always inheritable. And even if it is, you are the person that knows what it is like, so you can help your child *if* (mind the word *if* ) it ever comes to that. You will become a great mom. I know for sure. If you ever feel like talking,mail me. I will give you my phonenumber and feel free to call me when ever you want to talk or need support. Love Hilde
Response:
GC <snipped again for brevity Boy, you really like those siccors, don’t you.. 
GC I’m *really* sorry you felt ignored, Ingrid – and I’m racking my brains GC to see if I can remember the original question you asked. Well, not just one specific question or something.. I posted some messages, replied a few times.. GC I’m sorry you didn’t get a response and can assure you that it’s "just GC one of those things". Well, I know there are a lot of messages in here. It’s just that I always have to try so hard to get accepted anywhere, sometimes I loose courage.. I lost it, found it back again and posted my message. GC As for your fear about not being accepted, that, I’m afraid, seems to GC go with the territory… it’s so often a part of GAD and PD And no matter how many times people try to convice me that there’s nothing wrong with me, it doesn’t help.. GC There *is* some evidence that anxiety problems *can* be hereditary, yes. GC But it is only *some* evidence and it is only *can* be hereditary. I just know so little about it. Then you hear something and start worrying.. GC because s/he will be brought-up by a mother who knows about these things GC and will provide a lot of the psychological infrastructure that we all GC could have benefitted from, but so few of us received. Well, at least I’ll know what’s going on. Allthough I find it hard to understand myself, sometimes.. I can only hope that I’ll be able to deal with it.. GC You’ll be a wonderful mother – whether your child has an anxiety GC problem or not, because anxiety sufferers have to be very understanding GC and sensitive. Well, I can only hope for that. It’s true that I’m much more sensitive than people I know. Maybe that’s why everybody comes to me with problems and hardly any ever listens to me.. Apart from my boyfriend, that is.. Grtz.. Ingrid
Response:
There is some evidence that panic attack syndrome is inherited. (or the tendency). But, I wouldn’t worry about that now. The best thing you can do is to love your child and be the best mother you can. Thats the best any Mom can do and in my opinion panic attacks are not the worst thing a Mom can have. Hey you are supported here. My posts don’t generate a lot of response either, hee, hee. My last one apparently floored so many people there was dead silence on the thread. Oh well. But, seriously, this group is great and has been a wonderful help to me and your posting not only benefits you but also me. Keep up. — Marcia The Soprano’s Page http://members.tripod.com/~Amarilla/index.html
Response:
Hi everyone, Spoiler for Kate!! Please, I don’t want to pass on any extra anxiety to you in your condition. I have fears about my own pregnancy. If you feel you can’t take it, please, don’t read!.. The subject was brought up a little while ago, about wether or not anxiety was inheritable but there was little response. It’s on my mind every moment of the day and I don’t know where to turn to so, please, don’t turn me away.. Grtz.. Ingrid
Hi Ingrid– I know how you feel about being ignored. IMO though if no one responed to you from this group I have to believe that no one felt they had the answer–not that they just ignored you. I’ve found them to be very helpful and kind on this newsgroup, but just as important most will not respond unless they feel they have something to say based on fact or experience–not just opinion or rumor. I think this is very important and helps keep the advice knowledgable and true. As far as your baby–I do believe that we pass on genetics, but IMO PD and anxiety disorders can be brought about just as much by environment. If you love that child and raise him/her in a way that inspires love, acceptance and self esteem things will be fine. In my case I think something is medically out of wack, but just as you deepen a wound if you keep hitting something in the same spot I think PD/anxiety can be deepened by a bad environment. In my case I grew up in an extremely mentally abusive environment–so even if the genetics were there I’m positive this exacerbated things. You are clued into this, so I have no doubt that you will do everything possible to raise your child in a good environment. With that, things will be fine. Good Luck– Judy
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Ingrid writes: When I first started reading this ng, I was relieved to read that I was not the only one, I was not alone.. I posted a message expressing this relief.. I got response. That did a load of good. I tried to get involved in some conversations but, all of a sudden, I got no response at all. I didn’t get involved in any of the flame wars and I kept wondering why.. And why am I so afraid that no one accepts me? Maybe my case is not as severe as yours. Maybe I can manage without medication but that doesn’t mean that it’s not hard for me. I’m afraid to sleep, afraid I will not wake up the next morning. Afraid to hear my heart pounding, afraid it might suddenly stop. I’m afraid to meet people, afraid I’m not accepted..
<snipped The subject was brought up a little while ago, about wether or not anxiety was inheritable but there was little response. It’s on my mind every moment of the day and I don’t know where to turn to so, please, don’t turn me away..
Hi Ingrid, We all get ignored from time to time. It is discouraging to say something and not get a response. If other ASAPers are like me, sometimes someone asks something that I don’t know anything about. So I leave responding to someone who knows more. Not responding is never a slight, though sometimes the responses are Anxiety can be heritable, but that doesn’t mean it always happens. My mother had PA’s, but I was the only one of 4 kids who ended up having them. I don’t know if anyone has done a probability study, but I have a feeling that more kids don’t inherit than do. If any of your children do inherit anxiety, you’ll be one step ahead: you know what to do to help. Good luck to you. I don’t know that anyone has shown that anxiety is inherited trans-placentally (is that a word?). Is there anyone out there with more information? Anita
Response:
<snipped to save space When I first started reading this ng, I was relieved to read that I was not the only one, I was not alone.. I posted a message expressing this relief.. I got response. That did a load of good. I tried to get involved in some conversations but, all of a sudden, I got no response at all. I didn’t get involved in any of the flame wars and I kept wondering why.. And why am I so afraid that no one accepts me?
<snipped again for brevity I’m *really* sorry you felt ignored, Ingrid – and I’m racking my brains to see if I can remember the original question you asked. I’m sorry you didn’t get a response and can assure you that it’s "just one of those things". It happens and it *is* upsetting, I realise. Nobody means to ignore you, I’m sure: we just answer what we feel we can, when we can, and sometimes someone gets left out. As for your fear about not being accepted, that, I’m afraid, seems to go with the territory… it’s so often a part of GAD and PD I can understand your worries about your baby as well as a man and a non-parent can and I don’t want to try to fool you with bland assurances. There *is* some evidence that anxiety problems *can* be hereditary, yes. But it is only *some* evidence and it is only *can* be hereditary. The chances are that your child won’t be any more anxious than any other and very possibly a good deal less, because s/he will be brought-up by a mother who knows about these things and will provide a lot of the psychological infrastructure that we all could have benefitted from, but so few of us received. You’ll be a wonderful mother – whether your child has an anxiety problem or not, because anxiety sufferers have to be very understanding and sensitive. Again, I can only apologise if you felt neglected. I suppose it’s inevitable that it will happen now that the group is so busy (I can barely keep up some days) but I can promise you that you *are* accepted and that you’ll get all the support and encouragement we can give Hope that helps. — Gary Cooper
Response:
Hi everyone, Spoiler for Kate!! Please, I don’t want to pass on any extra anxiety to you in your condition. I have fears about my own pregnancy. If you feel you can’t take it, please, don’t read!.. When I first started reading this ng, I was relieved to read that I was not the only one, I was not alone.. I posted a message expressing this relief.. I got response. That did a load of good. I tried to get involved in some conversations but, all of a sudden, I got no response at all. I didn’t get involved in any of the flame wars and I kept wondering why.. And why am I so afraid that no one accepts me?
** Ingred, it’s good to stay out of flame wars, and it seems that sometimes that becomes the focus of some, and you may get less responses to your posts. I, personally, haven’t seen any of your posts (maybe I’m too new or have a bad news service) or if I did, I didn’t have information to pass along that would help. I don’t think that anyone here is *not accepted* and it seems that all inquires that someone can shed light on are always responded to. Perhaps you asked questions that no one could answer? I don’t know, but don’t feel alone, because you aren’t !! Maybe my case is not as severe as yours. Maybe I can manage without medication but that doesn’t mean that it’s not hard for me. I’m afraid to sleep, afraid I will not wake up the next morning. Afraid to hear my heart pounding, afraid it might suddenly stop. I’m afraid to meet people, afraid I’m not accepted.. I’m afraid you don’t accept me..
** If you say you can manage without medication, may I ask why it is that you are *afraid* to sleeep, *afraid* you won’t wake up, *afraid* of your heart? It sounds to me like you *need* to be on some type of medication to help with all of these anxieties. Right now I’m four months pregnant. I’m scared I might pass on my anxiety to my child, like my mother did to me.. When it’s born I can hide it from the baby but now I can’t. I’m afraid it feels my anxiety. I’ve heard an unborn baby still picks up impressions and can suffer from traumas the mother goes through..
** As I advised before, perhaps your OBGYN and therapist can get together to advise anti-anxiety medication for you that will be safe during your pregnancy. Do you think that a good deal of your anxiety at this time has to do with the fact that you’re pregnant, and the unknown feelings of life changes ahead? It seems you’re obsessing too much, and need some help during a time which should be one of joy (although hormones, life changes, fears, make so called *normal* people anxious during pregnancy). I for one, can’t give you the kind of help you need, the possible medication that might help you, or the therapy. **All** I can do is be in your corner, which I’m sure we all are. The subject was brought up a little while ago, about wether or not anxiety was inheritable but there was little response. It’s on my mind every moment of the day and I don’t know where to turn to so, please, don’t turn me away..
** Yes, there are genetic factors, in my case as well, and I feel that my PD did have it’s roots there. BUT, I have two brothers with no problems at all, and my dad, who has had the problems, has a sister with none. The big *IF* isn’t that you may be passing some weird gene along, but that the *odds* are that you are not! Why not look at the positive side, that you are bringing a new life into the world, and that it will be beautiful ! BE GOOD TO YOURSELF, EJK — The food here is terrible, and the portions are so small.
Response:
: …I’m afraid you don’t accept me.. : : Right now I’m four months pregnant. I’m scared I might pass on my anxiety to : my child, like my mother did to me.. When it’s born I can hide it from the : baby but now I can’t. I’m afraid it feels my anxiety. I’ve heard an unborn : baby still picks up impressions and can suffer from traumas the mother goes : through.. : : The subject was brought up a little while ago, about wether or not anxiety was : inheritable but there was little response. It’s on my mind every moment of the : day and I don’t know where to turn to so, please, don’t turn me away.. : : Grtz.. : Ingrid Dear Ingrid, I just want to support what Gretchen wrote you. You are much accepted here and very welcome. A loving parent is the best medicine for any baby and you certainly are a loving mother. Best Wishes, Arthur : Welcome. I can guarantee you, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are : very much accepted here. As long as you don’t abuse us (and in no way have : you!) we accept everyone. We’ve all been there to some extent or another. : : Reading your letter almost makes me want to cry. I don’t have as severe an : anxiety problem as many here, but (nearly) everyone has be helpful and very : giving. I have general anxiety which can manifest itself as physical : illness, but that’s something I don’t have to get into here and now. : : Don’t worry about "creating" a worrying baby. Just remember how much you : love the little one, if it knows how much you love it, that will be enough. : My mother was an alcoholic, but I have never had a drink. Just because : something is heriditary doesn’t mean they’ll get it. On the other hand, : obsessive/compulsiveness obviously runs in my family, and I have those : tendancies. But the knowledge of the background, and self-awareness makes : you strong enough to handle it. : : I’m sure you’ll get responses, we don’t like to see anyone out there in : pain:) : : Stay with us, and love your baby! : : Gretchen
Response:
…I’m afraid you don’t accept me.. Right now I’m four months pregnant. I’m scared I might pass on my anxiety to my child, like my mother did to me.. When it’s born I can hide it from the baby but now I can’t. I’m afraid it feels my anxiety. I’ve heard an unborn baby still picks up impressions and can suffer from traumas the mother goes through.. The subject was brought up a little while ago, about wether or not anxiety was inheritable but there was little response. It’s on my mind every moment of the day and I don’t know where to turn to so, please, don’t turn me away.. Grtz.. Ingrid
Dear Ingrid, Welcome. I can guarantee you, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are very much accepted here. As long as you don’t abuse us (and in no way have you!) we accept everyone. We’ve all been there to some extent or another. Reading your letter almost makes me want to cry. I don’t have as severe an anxiety problem as many here, but (nearly) everyone has be helpful and very giving. I have general anxiety which can manifest itself as physical illness, but that’s something I don’t have to get into here and now. Don’t worry about "creating" a worrying baby. Just remember how much you love the little one, if it knows how much you love it, that will be enough. My mother was an alcoholic, but I have never had a drink. Just because something is heriditary doesn’t mean they’ll get it. On the other hand, obsessive/compulsiveness obviously runs in my family, and I have those tendancies. But the knowledge of the background, and self-awareness makes you strong enough to handle it. I’m sure you’ll get responses, we don’t like to see anyone out there in pain:) Stay with us, and love your baby! Gretchen
Response:
Hi everyone, Spoiler for Kate!! Please, I don’t want to pass on any extra anxiety to you in your condition. I have fears about my own pregnancy. If you feel you can’t take it, please, don’t read!.. When I first started reading this ng, I was relieved to read that I was not the only one, I was not alone.. I posted a message expressing this relief.. I got response. That did a load of good. I tried to get involved in some conversations but, all of a sudden, I got no response at all. I didn’t get involved in any of the flame wars and I kept wondering why.. And why am I so afraid that no one accepts me? Maybe my case is not as severe as yours. Maybe I can manage without medication but that doesn’t mean that it’s not hard for me. I’m afraid to sleep, afraid I will not wake up the next morning. Afraid to hear my heart pounding, afraid it might suddenly stop. I’m afraid to meet people, afraid I’m not accepted.. I’m afraid you don’t accept me.. Right now I’m four months pregnant. I’m scared I might pass on my anxiety to my child, like my mother did to me.. When it’s born I can hide it from the baby but now I can’t. I’m afraid it feels my anxiety. I’ve heard an unborn baby still picks up impressions and can suffer from traumas the mother goes through.. The subject was brought up a little while ago, about wether or not anxiety was inheritable but there was little response. It’s on my mind every moment of the day and I don’t know where to turn to so, please, don’t turn me away.. Grtz.. Ingrid
