Another lurker steps out of the shadows
Question:
Hi, This is my first posting in this newsgroup, and I hope to find some people to communicate with with as it comes to PA and Anxiety. I have known about this group for quite some time, but I started reading it Monday this week. My history: I have suffered from Panic attacks and general Anxiety since my late teens (I am now closer to 35 than 30). I have only been on meds once in those long years. Most of the time I have been doing pretty good. I went through a divorce last summer, I chose to divorce my lovely wife and to leave my three lovely children. Why? I couldn’t take the pain in my mind of not being able to be a "normal" daddy to my sweethearts. But this Sunday night I had the worst panic attack in years. The trigger: A letter from my car insurance company. This sounds silly, I know. But seeing the envelope in my mailbox got my heart racing, pulse pounding and my stomach turned upside down. Not to mention the feeling of being seconds away from a heart attack. I have no reason to expect anything bad from my insurance Co.., but it it possible that someone made a mistake 
. The problem is that I am still shaking from that incident. The mornings are not a problem, it’s the coming home to an empty apartment that causes the anguish. I guess missing my children after the divorce is part of the Anxiety. What I don’t understand is why I don’t feel this anxiety when something work related happens to me. I only get PA’s (with the following week totally destroyed by the residual anxiety.) from private financial issues. Why? I have a good job, good pay, just moved to the US, no problems. Anybody else out there who panics because of similar issues? I read a post a few days ago by a woman who was getting anxious when her boyfriend didn’t call on a regular basis. I recognize that too. Right now I sedated by tequila, so I am doing well enough to type in controlled fashion (readable at least). /panicman
Response:
Hi, This is my first posting in this newsgroup, and I hope to find some people to communicate with with as it comes to PA and Anxiety.
Hi, Nicolaus – welcome on board <words snipped to save space I’m afraid I haven’t any answers as to why your anxiety is triggered by the things that it is, but I was shocked to read about your divorce and the reasons behind it. Had you not considered getting treatment? Even if you have, I still think it would be worth trying again as there is very effective treatment available and to lose ones family over it, seems tragic. Good luck. — Gary Cooper
Response:
But this Sunday night I had the worst panic attack in years. The trigger: A letter from my car insurance company. This sounds silly, I know. But seeing the envelope in my mailbox got my heart racing, pulse pounding and my stomach turned upside down.
I know _precisely_ what you mean. My husband actually screens mail and e-mail for me whenever possible. I just got an e-mail from a client I have been avoiding: "We got this Email address from a friend so I hope it’s right. We haven’t heard from you since June so we wondered what was going on." That was it. Didn’t matter, though, just seeing his name in the header started a PA and seeing the innocuous text didn’t take the PA away. Not to mention the feeling of being seconds away from a heart attack. I have no reason to expect anything bad from my insurance Co.., but it it possible that someone made a mistake .
This isn’t an _answer_, but it’s what I try to do: I spend a FEW MINUTES (ONLY – otherwise I get carried away…I’m GOOD at this!) figuring out the worst thing that could happen if "X" happened. It’s a colossal waste of time, because X usually won’t happen, but if I cover all of my bases, then nothing can sneak up on me unawares (like that e-mail I mentioned did). I’m sure there’s a better solution, but I am an EXPERT at dreaming up disaster scenarios for every occasion 
and if I can cope with what I dream up the reality is _usually_ not as bad. What I don’t understand is why I don’t feel this anxiety when something work related happens to me. I only get PA’s (with the following week totally destroyed by the residual anxiety.) from private financial issues.
Hey, I can get up in front of a group of several hundred people (provided I can get out of the house, that is lol) and make a fool out of myself with the guitar. I also write, which means you’re subjecting yourself to all sorts of weird stresses, because your critical editor and 50% of your readership always assume they know your subject better than you do. On the other hand, I can’t: Stay in a moving car if a bee is one of the occupants Stay in a room with fluorescent lighting Stay in a restaurant if they get the order wrong (or go back to the restaurant afterward) Take a shower unless someone else is in the house Talk/write my clients and family anymore And then there are the PAs that sneak up on you unawares – I’ve had them in mid-sentence, with people I’m comfortable with in the middle of a great day. Hey, if PD were _logical_ I wouldn’t have a problem…I could logic my way right out of it. If the worse thing that could happen was that the insurance company got you mixed up with a guy who was guilty of vehicular manslaughter, and cancelled you, as long as you have their number, your SSN and a copy of your driving record with you, you _know_ you can clear up any problem. Won’t necessarily _stop_ the PA, but it reduces the intensity for me. Right now I sedated by tequila, so I am doing well enough to type in controlled fashion (readable at least).
Ignore this next preachy paragraph if you wanna: Take this with a grain of salt from someone who _often_ self medicates with whiskey: careful, there, pardner. I have to work my rear off to keep handle on it. If I don’t, it ends up interferring with my ability to anticipate my triggers (as described above) which means that, instead of keeping me level, I end up with twice as many PAs. My two cents. JCL
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, This is my first posting in this newsgroup, and I hope to find some people to communicate with with as it comes to PA and Anxiety. Hi, Nicolaus – welcome on board <words snipped to save space I’m afraid I haven’t any answers as to why your anxiety is triggered by the things that it is, but I was shocked to read about your divorce and the reasons behind it. Had you not considered getting treatment? Even if you have, I still think it would be worth trying again as there is very effective treatment available and to lose ones family over it, seems tragic. Good luck. — Gary Cooper
Hi, and thanks for taking the time to read my post. I don’t know if that was the sole reason, but a great one it was. When I wrote my post yesterday, I was going through through the aftermath of Sundays little adventure. Some people can’t stand the thought to get out of their dwelling, meet other people or going to the doctor for example. In my case, being alone is the worst possible punishment, although I am a real introvert. I guess I need to feel surrounded by people. I don’t feel the urge to talk to everyone I meet or to "mingle", but just to feel part of life, I guess. What I enjoy doing most in life(at least at this stage) is taking roadtrips out of town. But (Isn’t there always a but) this summer is so bl**d* hot, I could fry an egg on the sidewalk at 10 am. So roadtrips are pretty much canceled until the fall I am afraid. As for treatment, I am currently under way. I haven’t taken any drugs for the past 5 years (recreational or other). I hope to keep it that way. A bit unusual, it seems. I like keeping in touch with my highs. /panicman
