Fear and Choice
Question:
Hi Ellen- I’ve had panic attacks like that since I was very young. I HATE the fact that I can’t control everything in my life… just a few days ago, I did the same thing, woke up at 5am stressing over what a mess I’d made of my life, my bills, my jobs… EVERYTHING! Well, what I did, was get out of bed (because depression get worse when I lay down) and began to write everything I was afraid of down. Then I took a look at the list. I went through and figured out what I could do about each thing, whether it be something I could physically do (like actually paying my bills) or something I could mentally do (a positive though which I could hang onto to contradict the negative fear) I love lists, so this was very helpful. Even if you can’t do this, it helps to get out of bed and do something, like take a walk or play with a pet or take a shower or bath. Just laying there (I believe) just gives the attack fuel. Hope I’ve helped! -Vanessa
Response:
ASED, Can we choose to avoid fear just as we can depression. I wonder, because I am going through a panic like atatch this morning. I awoke thinking of all of the things I cannot control in my life right now. A huge gushing sense of started to seize and dominate my thoughts. It was only 5 a.m, I wanted very much to go back to sleep. The fears, however, started to beat up on me. I want to tell you what I fear. Maybe if just throw these fears out on the table, they will seem less threatening. I AM AFRAID OF BEING ALONE FOREVER. WITH THE RIGHT PERSON, I WOULD LIKE TO REMARRY AND EVEN HAVE CHILDREN. BUT I FEAR THIS WILL NEVER BE AN OPITION FOR ME. I AM UTTERLY AFRAID OF BEING HURT, AGAIN, BY SOMEONE NEW. I FEEL THAT ANYTIME I FINALLY ALLOW MYSELF TO LET A MAN INTO MY LIFE JUST A TINY BIT, HE VANISHES. I MUST GIVE OFF SOME SORT OF NEEDY VIBES MEN SENSE WHEN I FINALLY LET THEM IN. THIS IS REALLY STUPID, BUT I AM PETRIFIED ABOUT SPENDING THE NNEW YEAR ALONE. I AM AFRAID I WILL ALWAYS STRUGGLE WITH THIS DISEASE AND I WILL STRUGGLE ALL ALONE. I FEAR I WILL NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO BE THERE FOR MY FAMILY MEMBERS WHEN THEY LEAVE ME. I FEAR HAVING NOTHING MEANINGFUL IN MY LIFE.MY WORK TRULY DOES NOT REWARD ME. AND I SO DESPERATELY WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. BUT I AM AFRAID I CANNOT HANDLE THE CHALLENGE. I AM AFRAID TO CONTINUE TO TRY AS HARD AS I DO AND TO FAIL. I FEAR THE GUY I AM DATING, WHO IS NOW ON VACATION, WILL NEVER CALL ME AGAIN AND JUST FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. Can you tell how fearful I am this morning? I want to choose peace of mind instead of all of this anxiety. I would love some diretion on getting past this place. Wishes of wellness, Ellen p.s. No intentions of turning to food.
