First Therapist Appointment
Question:
You’re going to feel better…you really will. Don’t EVER give up hope. I’ve found (for me) that when these attacks start (and I have the exact same feeling you described) that I have to get up and go do something constructive, even if it’s vacuuming or something. Once I get my mind on to something else (anything other than TV), it passes. It’s a small accomplishment, but hey, it’s still an accomplishment. I look back and am able to pat myself on the back for getting through another one. Over the past couple of months, i’ve noticed that doing something instead of thinking about it really has helped. I’m med-free and therapist free. I tried Paxil for a short 4 days and it didn’t agree with me. I was worse than ever, but that’s a whole other story in itself. I’m glad to hear your appointment was good. Do you think the attack could have been triggered because you knew you had an appointment the next day? When I know I have to "go somewhere", mine kick in. I tell myself all the time "oh cut it out"! After 10+ years of this, I’ve had enough. I may have lost one battle but I’m sure as hell going to win the war, and so will you!
Response:
Am having very BAD day, triggered by very BAD night and I guess I sorta need to vent. My appointment w/ the therapist was today. Since I had the worst panic attacks ever last night, which…lingered on until this morning…I was real reluctant to go but knew I had to so…went. Turned out not to be so bad actually, although found out therapist was a guy and was about ready to turn around and leave cuz the idea of talking to a guy was a bit scary for me. But…yea, he was nice and easy to talk to and was actually a lot more helpful than my last therapist, in the respect that he wanted to discuss my problems with my mum (which my last therapist, oddly, didn’t) and had her schedule an another appointment as well as an appointment w/ a psychiatrist. And…yea, was a lot better than I had thought. So I left feeling quite decent and relaxed and optimistic. But a little peeved cuz we couldn’t get the psychiatrist appointment before June 20th and I feel myself sorta…degenerating really quickly and I dunno what state I’ll be in by then. I know its cliche, but I feel myself going crazy more and more by the day. I had a scary thought last night soooo….that spiraled into a really bad panic attack in which I just felt like I was swimming in this nightmarish, bad feeling. I got dizzy and my stomach got upset…I got over it after a bit and got a good night’s sleep. But it returned in the morning and has kept going on and off through the day. It is…goddawful and at times I feel so bad I wanna shoot myself cuz I keep wondering "How long is this gonna last? Is this EVER going to go away?" The nausea and general…sick feeling has kept on, for the most part. And its fucking frustrating cuz I’ll get sick if I eat, and sick if I don’t eat. Mehhh….I just wanna sleep tonite but I can’t cuz I cannot relax or get these nightmare feelings/thoughts out of my head and they spiral out of control and become real to me so I just can’t….feel paralyzed, sick, and can’t function. Gah. Does this shit ever really end? It’s utterly depressing just feeling like I’m gonna have to keep going through this forever or just keep myself afloat between school and sleep and doctor’s appointments. I’m getting frustrated waiting for the school year to end but anxious over that cuz…I’ll have nothing to do this summer and the thought of being idle for 3 monthes just going online and watching tv depresses me beyond belief. Am I ever gonna feel good again? Sorry for ‘nother stupid rant.
