Flashbacks
Question:
0000000000 Silverleaf, that was a very thoughtful answer to Sandy’s post. I am especially impressed with what works for you. Do you think you could come up with a list of things that get you through the bad times…ie flashbacks?
hiya mary. well, i listed my main ones. but i’ll cheerfully put ‘em in list form for you. 
-tactile objects; jewelry with a distinctive feel, stuffed animals, fuzzy clothing, anything that is very specifically *now*. often when i’m having a flashback my visuals seem to get kind of cut off. it helps to use my other senses to bring me back to the present. -good smells; perfume, incense, pot-pourri. i actually use this more as a preventative, because when i’m under high stress i sometimes get very bad flashbacks and panic from smells. so i wear perfume when i’m likely to have a rough time. -visual cues; i wear bright colored nailpolish (which was absolutely forbidden when i was little), i compare the size of my hand to my husband’s so i can *see* i’m an adult and safe. -safe places and things; i have a blanket with pictures of wolves woven into it, and it is my magic protection blanket. sometimes flashbacks feel like black magic, and i can get lost in that childhood feeling that there is no white magic. so i have things that i have designated ‘white magic’. my rocking chair, my blanket, my cats, my studio. these are things i retreat to when i’m feeling overwhelmed. ermmmm if i think of more i’ll let you know. ‘leafs — http://www.softworksconsulting.com/mcs/ I’m not tense, i’m just terribly, terribly alert.
Response:
0000000000 Silverleaf, that was a very thoughtful answer to Sandy’s post. I am especially impressed with what works for you. Do you think you could come up with a list of things that get you through the bad times…ie flashbacks? I hope others will read this and add their ways of dealing with the fears that can overwhelm them. I would very, very, much appreciate this. I plan to use it with clients and no better experts are available than the ones right here. Mary W.
Response:
, so when i’m having
trouble i have a few things to remind me. i wear an amber pendant on a chain long enough that i can just hold it. the shape and texture of it are very ‘now’ things for me. i wear perfume, because sometimes smells can be my worst triggers. i compare my hand to my husband’s hand. i know it sounds silly, but just to *see* that my hands are as big as an adult’s helps ground me. music helps me sometimes, or a cat in my arms.< This is so smart : ) And it lets me know more about you……how are you doing, leafs? Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
Silverleaf, that was a very thoughtful answer to Sandy’s post. I am
especially impressed with what works for you. < I was very impressed, and touched as well. How is the volunteering going? Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
Hi Sandy I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Medication like everything else has its place and time. Take care of you and if you can keep posting Ruth – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This is my first time posting here. I’m having some horrible flashbacks right now. My hands are shaking and I can hardly type. It seems like they just get worse instead of easier. Sometimes I feel so helpless. It sucks! How do you deal with these things without drugging yourself up?? I’m on 3 different meds and I still feel out of control. I don’t want to need them…but I am scared of what will happen if I don’t take them. I’ve read that you shouldn’t medicate because it keeps you from feeling all the ‘feelings’ you need to feel to get better. I feel plenty. More than I want to. I want to make it all go away but it won’t. How do you keep facing this stuff? feeling crappy… thanks for letting me vent… Sandy
Response:
Hi marrisa Nice to meet you Ruth – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This is my first time posting to any newsgroup really, so please bear with me! It’s been about two years for me, since I got out of an abusive relationship, and I still have flashbacks. Surpisingly, they do become easier to handle. The come less in frequency, and diminish in intensity. I can still remember the little things that would set me off, make me tremble, leave me paranoid. The only thing I can think of to say, is to fight back with everything you’ve got. Remember how special you are, and how strong, kind and worthy of love you are. It can be hard to remember, there’s no doubting that, but keep in mind..there’s so many people here, online, that are willing to help you through it.
Response:
I havent opened up to anyone but my husband and my therapist. I have told my mother but she freaked out and is not exactly a source of support. I find that I’m having to comfort her. I feel as though I am ready to reach out-maybe writing in here is experimenting to see the reactions I will get. It’s hard to decide who is safe…I thought my mother was 
I’m hanging in…Thanks Sandy
Response:
I’m hoping that someday I can voice the details of my abuse but I am not there yet. I get overwhelmed with fear when I think about sharing it. But I wiil keep your ‘ear’ in mind! Thanks so much< Oh, I’m glad to see you again : ) Ok,. so don’t talk about it now. Talk about something else….relate to someone else…or just shoot the breeze and soak up support. Best, Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
I used to be where you are. Then I got pregnant and everything came pouring out uncontrollably. I think it just happens when you are ready for it inside. Although I still don’t feel ready!! I am learning that my body is a pretty good gauge for itself most of the time. You’ll get there just be patient with yourself. Sandy
Response:
I havent opened up to anyone but my husband and my therapist. I have told my
mother but she freaked out and is not exactly a source of support. I find that I’m having to comfort her. I feel as though I am ready to reach out-maybe writing in here is experimenting to see the reactions I will get. It’s hard to decide who is safe…I thought my mother was < It would make me REALLY angry if the person I turned to for support twisted it so I ended up having to tell THEM it was ok, instead of the other way around : ( Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
I havent opened up to anyone but my husband and my therapist. I have told my mother but she freaked out and is not exactly a source of support. I find that I’m having to comfort her. I feel as though I am ready to reach out-maybe writing in here is experimenting to see the reactions I will get. It’s hard to decide who is safe…I thought my mother was
0000000000 Hi Sandy, you came to the right place for getting heard. A lot goes on here but there are always someone around who will listen and support you. I finally got enough nerve to tell my mom about abuse and she was horrified and told me "I certainly don’t understand that and I wouldn’t do such a thing." That shut me up for years. Now it isn’t hard to talk about all the pain….especially since we are all doing recovery. Mary W. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m hanging in…Thanks Sandy
Response:
hiya sandy. silverleaf here. This is my first time posting here.
welcome to the group! i hope you can find what you need here. I’m having some horrible flashbacks right now. My hands are shaking and I can hardly type. It seems like they just get worse instead of easier.
*comfort* i know how those can be. Sometimes I feel so helpless. It sucks! How do you deal with these things without drugging yourself up?? I’m on 3 different meds and I still feel out of control. I don’t want to need them…but I am scared of what will happen if I don’t take them.
sometimes i just haven’t been able to deal with them unless i was medicated. but i’ve found some things that help me get through them. a really important thing for me has been to remind myself that i am now and safe. it isn’t usually enough just to say so, so when i’m having trouble i have a few things to remind me. i wear an amber pendant on a chain long enough that i can just hold it. the shape and texture of it are very ‘now’ things for me. i wear perfume, because sometimes smells can be my worst triggers. i compare my hand to my husband’s hand. i know it sounds silly, but just to *see* that my hands are as big as an adult’s helps ground me. music helps me sometimes, or a cat in my arms. but i’ve also found that no matter how grounded i am, the things i flash to *hurt*. and that’s just the truth. being grounded just keeps me from being lost in the flash. I’ve read that you shouldn’t medicate because it keeps you from feeling all the ‘feelings’ you need to feel to get better. I feel plenty. More than I want to. I want to make it all go away but it won’t. How do you keep facing this stuff?
i dunno. i think that if you can’t handle it without medication, then you need the medication. i think there’s a point when just survival has to come before working through everything. there have been times when i just *could not* deal with my flashbacks, with the events of my abuse. i know it was hard for me to admit that i couldn’t deal with it myself, i felt (still feel) inadequate, like somehow i should be able to just get through this all myself. and how do i keep facing this stuff? by doing it when i can, and not doing it when i can’t. this is your recovery, it’s not up to anyone else to tell you how you should be, or that they know better than you what it’s all about. feeling crappy… thanks for letting me vent…
you’re very welcome. hope to see you more… silverleaf — http://www.softworksconsulting.com/mcs/ I’m not tense, i’m just terribly, terribly alert.
Response:
Well, whatever it is, is sounds lousy. I’m good today, thanks. I was hugely pissed off at my mother yesterday because she told the kids she would try to come over soon, when she has no intention of it. That goddamn c word woman….growl snarl spit. Other than that, everything is ok, except for something that happened last night. I am thinking of posting about it, but am unsure if this is exactly the right place. You? Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
hi sandy, the times when i have flashbacks are very hard & confusing to me. they can be very frightening. sometimes it can feel like the trauma is happening all over again. i found it necessary to be around safe people. people i could see and feel. do you have some people with whom you can spend some time? safe & loving people? i hope that you will hang in. polly wog – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This is my first time posting here. I’m having some horrible flashbacks right now. My hands are shaking and I can hardly type. It seems like they just get worse instead of easier. Sometimes I feel so helpless. It sucks! How do you deal with these things without drugging yourself up?? I’m on 3 different meds and I still feel out of control. I don’t want to need them…but I am scared of what will happen if I don’t take them. I’ve read that you shouldn’t medicate because it keeps you from feeling all the ‘feelings’ you need to feel to get better. I feel plenty. More than I want to. I want to make it all go away but it won’t. How do you keep facing this stuff? feeling crappy… thanks for letting me vent… Sandy
Response:
Hi Sandy, I’m glad to meet you, though I’m sorry that it has to be here. You’ll find this strange, but I almost envy you your feelings, though I know that they are terrifying and painful to you. Somewhere I think that I simply shut down a lot of my emotions because I was tired of feeling hurt and scared, and I think that if I could somehow manage to feel a little of what I locked away, I would be so much better. — ht — And if life is just a highway — then the soul is just a car, And objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are.
Response:
My husband actually showed me the newsgroups. He is wonderful! I’m on Prozac daily for depression and anxiety. I take Ambien every night so I can sleep, and I take Klonopin when I need it for panic attacks. I’m hoping that someday I can voice the details of my abuse but I am not there yet. I get overwhelmed with fear when I think about sharing it. But I wiil keep your ‘ear’ in mind! Thanks so much Sandy
Response:
Hi T, You said exactly what I was going to say!! Wonderful advise! Taking meds does not mean that you are just masking the problems, quite often people just simply cannot function *normally* without them. I am one of those people and I have a condition where I don’t have the proper fluid going to both sides of my brain (hey…I don’t I want any jokes on this you guys…cuz I know I just put myself in a position to receive a few!). What you said about getting the flashbacks or nightmares out in the open, very true, they do lose their power and the length that they stick around. Email anytime except for spam, which I have all of a sudden been getting a shit load of! Luv, Bikerbabe – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Sandy, Welcome : ) How’d you find us? Take a deep breath, and hang on. Tell me, are the meds you are taking designed to control the flashbacks or some medical problem? If so, don’t buy the populist psychobabble which says you need to ‘feel’ your pain. You don’t need the flashbacks and you don’t need a medical condition to get any worse, certainly not so you can feel psychic pain. If you are comfortable, why not tell us what your flashbacks are of? Sometimes in talking about it outright, they lose alot of their power to harm. It’s worth a try, and if you need an ear, I’m available via e mail. Take care, Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
I am one of those
people and I have a condition where I don’t have the proper fluid going to both sides of my brain < What condition is this, and how are they treating it? Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
Hi Marissa, What a pretty name : ) This was a smart post. I look forward to seeing more from you. Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
Hey Liz, You’re gonna ask me to remember the friggin’ name? I can’t..all I know is that the Doctors said that I don’t get enough fluid to one part of my brain. It’s not equal. I get really dizzy and I get a zinging through my head…it’s really weird. I also, cannot function throughout the day without crying if I don’t have the medication. It is hereditary. I dunno girl, I’ve just tried it both ways and I like myself better with the meds! Hey…how are ya anyway? Luv, Bikerbabe – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am one of those people and I have a condition where I don’t have the proper fluid going to both sides of my brain < What condition is this, and how are they treating it? Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
Thanks for the words of advice. Yes I was a ’stuffer’…according to my husband I still am. I do see a therapist once a week. She has said some of the same things you said…and her name is Rose. How weird is that? My therapist is wonderful but I guess it’s just different when it comes from someone who has been through it. I’m glad I found this place-I can’t do it all alone anymore. Maybe I will walk with you for a while…Thanks for making me feel welcome. Sandy
Response:
Hi Sandy, Welcome : ) How’d you find us? Take a deep breath, and hang on. Tell me, are the meds you are taking designed to control the flashbacks or some medical problem? If so, don’t buy the populist psychobabble which says you need to ‘feel’ your pain. You don’t need the flashbacks and you don’t need a medical condition to get any worse, certainly not so you can feel psychic pain. If you are comfortable, why not tell us what your flashbacks are of? Sometimes in talking about it outright, they lose alot of their power to harm. It’s worth a try, and if you need an ear, I’m available via e mail. Take care, Liz http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/7368 All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life, before we can be born to another.
Response:
This is my first time posting here. I’m having some horrible flashbacks right now. My hands are shaking and I can hardly type. It seems like they just get worse instead of easier. Sometimes I feel so helpless. It sucks! How do you deal with these things without drugging yourself up?? I’m on 3 different meds and I still feel out of control. I don’t want to need them…but I am scared of what will happen if I don’t take them. I’ve read that you shouldn’t medicate because it keeps you from feeling all the ‘feelings’ you need to feel to get better. I feel plenty. More than I want to. I want to make it all go away but it won’t. How do you keep facing this stuff? feeling crappy… thanks for letting me vent… Sandy
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – This is my first time posting here. I’m having some horrible flashbacks right now. My hands are shaking and I can hardly type. It seems like they just get worse instead of easier. Sometimes I feel so helpless. It sucks! How do you deal with these things without drugging yourself up?? I’m on 3 different meds and I still feel out of control. I don’t want to need them…but I am scared of what will happen if I don’t take them. I’ve read that you shouldn’t medicate because it keeps you from feeling all the ‘feelings’ you need to feel to get better. I feel plenty. More than I want to. I want to make it all go away but it won’t. How do you keep facing this stuff? feeling crappy… thanks for letting me vent… Sandy
Sandy, you need to keep in contact with someone so you have support all the time. Here is one place that has good people with a lot of the same experiences and expertise to see you through it. We care and we are here for you so don’t hesitate to write. Beyond this, please continue getting meds until you can get some stability back. People with a lot more knowledge than I will come on and tell you more. Welcome and please come back often. Mary W.
Response:
This is my first time posting to any newsgroup really, so please bear with me! It’s been about two years for me, since I got out of an abusive relationship, and I still have flashbacks. Surpisingly, they do become easier to handle. The come less in frequency, and diminish in intensity. I can still remember the little things that would set me off, make me tremble, leave me paranoid. The only thing I can think of to say, is to fight back with everything you’ve got. Remember how special you are, and how strong, kind and worthy of love you are. It can be hard to remember, there’s no doubting that, but keep in mind..there’s so many people here, online, that are willing to help you through it.
Response:
Thank you to everyone. I am really worn out, or i would reply to each of you individually. Stacy
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Today I realized that although I "said" it was not my fault, I never believed it. This happened at therapy today. My body still aches, and there is a weight in the centre of my back. Regards, Stacy
Response:
Today I realized that although I "said" it was not my fault, I never believed it. This happened at therapy today. My body still aches, and there is a weight in the centre of my back. Regards, Stacy
Response:
polly wog
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Today I realized that although I "said" it was not my fault, I never believed it. This happened at therapy today. My body still aches, and there is a weight in the centre of my back. Regards, Stacy
Response:
Today I realized that although I "said" it was not my fault, I never believed it. This happened at therapy today. My body still aches, and there is a weight in the centre of my back.
that sucks, turtle. i’ve found that realizing things, believing it, is a process rather than an event… kinda like soaking a blueberry pie stain in bleach and having it slowly lighten. azure
Response:
Embies, Thank you. It has been rough going for me. I went to the MD, and stayed for an hour with more of the same. I keep seeing the bastards face. Him asking, "Whats wrong? Is it because sarah kicked you?" I am not sure if I believe it was not my fault yet. But it is a start. Today I gave a speech, and started crying. I had been talking about residential school survivors. Again, Stacy
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Today I realized that although I "said" it was not my fault, I never believed it. This happened at therapy today. My body still aches, and there is a weight in the centre of my back. Regards, hi Stacy, how are you doing now? do you believe it now? it sounds like a very tough day. some very powerful therapy. gosh, I just have no clue how some people don’t complain like I do. if this happened to me there would be words all over the page, everywhere!!! you are in my thoughts. I really hope you feel better. peace from our pieces, embies Ask me about HOPE for kids. No, really, *ask* *me*!!!! http://www.hopeworldwide.org — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: http://asarian-host.net/emailform.html
