(fwd) Nothing happened to me.
Question:
So. My brother called me last night. I was feeling so icky that I came right out and asked him to help me think of *any* awful stuff that happened to us when we were little kids (he and I grew up side-by-side; I trust him more than anyone else in the world). So. This horriblehorriblehorrible "feeling" I keep getting, this sense that something inside is haunting me, is all a load of crap. sw
Dear Swiv; Have a warm cup of tea, put your feet up, and let it ride. That’s what I say. If you have something to follow up, then do it. If you feel the need to look into abuse in your past, then do it. If you feel that you should let this drop and find some other way to be healthy, then do it. I’ll offer you my own story: I thought for years that my parents raped me. I dunno, maybe they did, but what I know now is that my *uncle* did. All those years, I was sort of right, you know? And who knows what else I have yet to discover. *shrug* I think the best we can do if follow our heart. I think you know what is best for you, really I do. Might be hard, might be less hard. But I think you should follow it. Does this make any sense? Be safe, Eudora * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We lay down the road in the walking. Joan Halifax * * Tears can make a river to take you somewhere new. Eudora * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – So. My brother called me last night. I was feeling so icky that I came right out and asked him to help me think of *any* awful stuff that happened to us when we were little kids (he and I grew up side-by-side; I trust him more than anyone else in the world). So. This horriblehorriblehorrible "feeling" I keep getting, this sense that something inside is haunting me, is all a load of crap. sw Dear Swiv; Have a warm cup of tea, put your feet up, and let it ride. That’s what I say. If you have something to follow up, then do it. If you feel the need to look into abuse in your past, then do it. If you feel that you should let this drop and find some other way to be healthy, then do it. I’ll offer you my own story: I thought for years that my parents raped me. I dunno, maybe they did, but what I know now is that my *uncle* did. All those years, I was sort of right, you know? And who knows what else I have yet to discover. *shrug* I think the best we can do if follow our heart. I think you know what is best for you, really I do. Might be hard, might be less hard. But I think you should follow it. Does this make any sense? Be safe, Eudora * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We lay down the road in the walking. Joan Halifax * * Tears can make a river to take you somewhere new. Eudora * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hi swiv from Mick, And here’s my story on the same subject. For about a year and a half the ‘potential culprit’ who best fit my memories was a step-grandfather. I now know that the perpetrator was, in fact, an uncle. When I first started remembering the abuse I also remembered that my sister was, in some way, present at the same time. She remembered nothing and denied the possibility to any extent (both of my having been abused and of her having been present). I persisted working on my own problems and sorting out my own memories and every month or two we would have a conversation about it all. Over the next few years she started to remember things and have flashbacks and panic attacks. She drew a picture of a ‘bad man’ she remembered from childhood, although she had no idea who it was. About a year ago she picked out our uncle from about fifty faces in photographs after the sight of him ’sent a shiver down her spine’. She described him as slimy and revolting. This was a man she had only seen two or three times over twenty years ago when she was six. The difficult thing is that most of the way through this if I actually asked if she believed I had been abused or that anyone had done anything specific to me or if she agreed that she might have been around when anything happened to me the most she would agree to was that she believed ’something happened’ – she wanted to support me but she didn’t want to believe anything specific. And it was very important for her to keep saying that she remembered nothing. This is still sometimes the case now even though we have drawn and discussed the room it happened in, the knife we were threatened with, the way the perp was dressed etc; I finally realised that she’s going through what I went through and is still scared enough to not remember much as (what might you call it?) ‘integrated current memory’. BTW, neither of us has ever been hypnotised to recover memories or tried any other ‘techniques’ than sympathetic therapy, patience and the risk (and work) of self-expression. Maybe I should get a little rubber stamp with "All memories naturally recovered". I had a look at the FMSF homepage and couldn’t stop laughing at first. Then I realised how serious they are. GRRR! If all they were interested in was the welfare of the falsely accused (a worthy goal) they’d be the Falsely Accused Support Association or something, now wouldn’t they? So from all this, what am I telling you? Umm, look to your own healing is the best advice I can offer. Please be patient with your brother in case he’s in the same sort of situation as my sister; he may be as deeply wounded as you without having much conscious idea about it, and if he’s been scared as well then only security will allow him to open up about it. But let yourself come first; you wouldn’t be remembering stuff (whatever the exact accuracy quotient) if it wasn’t appropriate to your well-being one way or another, FWIW from Mick. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
