I hate him
Question:
Bill in CO pondered a bit and then came up with… <snip PS. I’m only replying to this one, not the duplicate post you sent. (Need some help?) Hope u don’t mind!
Bill, once again, I can see you having trouble debating without acting like an ass. (Need some help?) Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
LoriMc pondered a bit and then came up with… <snip I guess I wouldn’t give up that easily – at least I would *try*. I’d be pissed off enough to try that (I think). That’s it you think, I have actually been in a similar situation, having a big fit and being pissed doesn’t solve anything. And it isn’t giving up it is facing reality! Sad as it may be.
Reality? Whatever may that be? You may want to give Webster’s definition. Some may get confused here. Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
Bill in CO pondered a bit and then came up with… You’re missing the point. The jerk doesn’t want to contact her. So at your rate, there will be no contact. That’s brilliant. Beck and call? He doesn’t respond, *at all*. Did you even read her post? She’s out on a limb here! Hello???? How about some solutions, rather than the typical, "it will all work out", 2 cent advice, bullshit.
Bill, with all due respect, I think it’s you that’s missing the point. What freakin’ good is it doing her to call him, or text message him, if he isn’t going to respond? He doesn’t want to talk to her! He doesn’t want to spend time with her child, apparently. In the meantime, it’s tearing her up! Roger did give her constructive advice! For all intents and purposes, this man isn’t her husband anymore. Why should he answer her every time she expects him to? It may hurt her, but that’s the way some men choose to handle a separation. They SEPARATE. Not everyone still has Sunday dinners together, Bill. Join the 2000’s. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sorry, but no matter how lousy this guy has treated you or the kids, its unreasonable and unrealistic to think that he should be at your beck and call, no matter how important or trivial the matter may be. If I were to get these messages, I say: "G-ddamn, its the weekend, and I’ll get back to you when I choose. Chill-out." My 2 cents: Let him initiate contact. Then, if you want, you can cold-shoulder him. [R] Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his.
– Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
Bill in CO pondered a bit and then came up with… Bill, with all due respect, I think it’s you that’s missing the point. What freakin’ good is it doing her to call him, or text message him, if he isn’t going to respond? He doesn’t want to talk to her! He doesn’t want to spend time with her child, apparently. In the meantime, it’s tearing her up! Roger did give her constructive advice! She can over to his house and plant herself on their front door and make a pest out of herself (if necessary) and DEMAND some accountability – right in his face. The way you make it sound, he’s totally free to do whatever the hell his (selfish) self wants, and the kids get shafted.
Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t recall saying that. As usual, you have taken what you *think* I’ve said, out of context. For all the good people here, quote me where I’ve said that I think he should be "totally free to do whatever the hell his (selfish) self wants". Hello! I think I’ve been where she is! I think I’m there NOW. What I said, is that he isn’t responding to her and she can call and text message him until she’s blue in the face, but he doesn’t have to respond to her and all it’s doing is stressing her out. She isn’t getting anywhere with him. In times like these, you have to take care of yourself and save your battles for when they’re needed the most and they’re the most effective. I guess I wouldn’t give up that easily – at least I would *try*. I’d be pissed off enough to try that (I think).
If I’m reading correctly, she HAS tried. She IS pissed. It ISN’T working. — Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
She can [go] over to his house and plant herself on their front door and make a pest out of herself (if necessary) and DEMAND some accountability – right in his face. The way you make it sound, he’s totally free to do whatever the hell his (selfish) self wants, and the kids get shafted. I guess I wouldn’t give up that easily – at least I would *try*. I’d be pissed off enough to try that (I think). You’re right, she could… if she wants to get arrested for trespass, disorderly conduct (disturbing the peace), or stalking.
Sorry, I’m not going to live like that, in such fear that I’m afraid to do something like that. You’ve been brainwashed and beaten down by the system, I think. Might as well live in a closet. And yes, he is free to behave like a cad in this respect. There is no rule which says that we have to answer our phones or respond to e-mails (yet). I see nothing so urgent here that it can’t wait. I think that the problem here is that the OP is depending upon him to meet some unspoken need. She is still too enmeshed in their relationship.
He is doing NOTHING. She MIGHT, just MIGHT be able to get him off of his ass. But one thing is for sure – if you don’t try, NOTHING will change. Of course, that’s a safer route to pursue, and maybe she needs to do it for her sanity (I don’t know). Isn’t this something you value about the 50’s, Bill… no cell phones and nothing so urgent that it couldn’t wait (for cooler heads to prevail. [R]
How long is she supposed to wait, and take care of her kids (who are having some problems) all by herself, while jerkoff is screwing fluffy? One month? Would you? She said she’s got a kid with a disability, and is getting no help from dippy. What has she got to lose? He’s getting away with murder. PS. I’m only replying to this one, not the duplicate post you sent. (Need some help?) Hope u don’t mind!
Response:
Bill in CO pondered a bit and then came up with… You’re missing the point. The jerk doesn’t want to contact her. So at your rate, there will be no contact. That’s brilliant. Beck and call? He doesn’t respond, *at all*. Did you even read her post? She’s out on a limb here! Hello???? How about some solutions, rather than the typical, "it will all work out", 2 cent advice, bullshit.
That was uncalled for she asked for advice this may be how the ex is feeling about her messages? Bill, with all due respect, I think it’s you that’s missing the point. What freakin’ good is it doing her to call him, or text message him, if he isn’t going to respond?
Ditto He doesn’t want to talk to her! He doesn’t want to spend time with her child, apparently. In the meantime, it’s tearing her up! Roger did give her constructive advice! She can over to his house and plant herself on their front door and make a pest out of herself (if necessary) and DEMAND some accountability – right in his face.
Oh Yeah, that’s a bright solution, then he has her arrested for harassment. The point is Bill No one can *make* any one do anything. Never go to someone’s home and make an ass of yourself what good is that? The way you make it sound, he’s totally free to do whatever the hell his (selfish) self wants, and the kids get shafted.
Well yes, happens all the time! I guess I wouldn’t give up that easily – at least I would *try*. I’d be pissed off enough to try that (I think).
That’s it you think, I have actually been in a similar situation, having a big fit and being pissed doesn’t solve anything. And it isn’t giving up it is facing reality! Sad as it may be. Lori Mc
Response:
She can [go] over to his house and plant herself on their front door and make a pest out of herself (if necessary) and DEMAND some accountability – right in his face. The way you make it sound, he’s totally free to do whatever the hell his (selfish) self wants, and the kids get shafted. I guess I wouldn’t give up that easily – at least I would *try*. I’d be pissed off enough to try that (I think).
You’re right, she could… if she wants to get arrested for trespass, disorderly conduct (disturbing the peace), or stalking. And yes, he is free to behave like a cad in this respect. There is no rule which says that we have to answer our phones or respond to e-mails (yet). I see nothing so urgent here that it can’t wait. I think that the problem here is that the OP is depending upon him to meet some unspoken need. She is still too enmeshed in their relationship. Isn’t this something you value about the 50’s, Bill… no cell phones and nothing so urgent that it couldn’t wait (for cooler heads to prevail. [R]
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Bill in CO pondered a bit and then came up with… You’re missing the point. The jerk doesn’t want to contact her. So at your rate, there will be no contact. That’s brilliant. Beck and call? He doesn’t respond, *at all*. Did you even read her post? She’s out on a limb here! Hello???? How about some solutions, rather than the typical, "it will all work out", 2 cent advice, bullshit. Bill, with all due respect, I think it’s you that’s missing the point. What freakin’ good is it doing her to call him, or text message him, if he isn’t going to respond? He doesn’t want to talk to her! He doesn’t want to spend time with her child, apparently. In the meantime, it’s tearing her up! Roger did give her constructive advice!
She can over to his house and plant herself on their front door and make a pest out of herself (if necessary) and DEMAND some accountability – right in his face. The way you make it sound, he’s totally free to do whatever the hell his (selfish) self wants, and the kids get shafted. I guess I wouldn’t give up that easily – at least I would *try*. I’d be pissed off enough to try that (I think). – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – For all intents and purposes, this man isn’t her husband anymore. Why should he answer her every time she expects him to? It may hurt her, but that’s the way some men choose to handle a separation. They SEPARATE. Not everyone still has Sunday dinners together, Bill. Join the 2000’s. Sorry, but no matter how lousy this guy has treated you or the kids, its unreasonable and unrealistic to think that he should be at your beck and call, no matter how important or trivial the matter may be. If I were to get these messages, I say: "G-ddamn, its the weekend, and I’ll get back to you when I choose. Chill-out." My 2 cents: Let him initiate contact. Then, if you want, you can cold-shoulder him. [R] Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his. — Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
Suzanne said for all posterity… Bill in CO pondered a bit and then came up with… You’re missing the point. The jerk doesn’t want to contact her. So at your rate, there will be no contact. That’s brilliant. Beck and call? He doesn’t respond, *at all*. Did you even read her post? She’s out on a limb here! Hello???? How about some solutions, rather than the typical, "it will all work out", 2 cent advice, bullshit. Bill, with all due respect, I think it’s you that’s missing the point.
Gee, what are the odds? He doesn’t want to talk to her! He doesn’t want to spend time with her child, apparently. In the meantime, it’s tearing her up! Roger did give her constructive advice!
I also thought Roger’s advice was appropriate. He had a good idea. She needs to get the upper hand. Casey If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Response:
Ok tell her to call the police and tell them he’s a piece of shit. Also, get a restraining order to make him look bad. Hey, while we’re at it…let’s call the local newspaper about it, too. Aside from that, there’s not much advice I could give… There are no answers, sometimes. I think being bitter about that fact is worse than the people that are at least taking time to respond to the OP. YMMV – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – You’re missing the point. The jerk doesn’t want to contact her. So at your rate, there will be no contact. That’s brilliant. Beck and call? He doesn’t respond, *at all*. Did you even read her post? She’s out on a limb here! Hello???? How about some solutions, rather than the typical, "it will all work out", 2 cent advice, bullshit. Sorry, but no matter how lousy this guy has treated you or the kids, its unreasonable and unrealistic to think that he should be at your beck and call, no matter how important or trivial the matter may be. If I were to get these messages, I say: "G-ddamn, its the weekend, and I’ll get back to you when I choose. Chill-out." My 2 cents: Let him initiate contact. Then, if you want, you can cold-shoulder him. [R] Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his.
Response:
You’re missing the point. The jerk doesn’t want to contact her. So at your rate, there will be no contact. That’s brilliant. Beck and call? He doesn’t respond, *at all*. Did you even read her post? She’s out on a limb here! Hello???? How about some solutions, rather than the typical, "it will all work out", 2 cent advice, bullshit. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sorry, but no matter how lousy this guy has treated you or the kids, its unreasonable and unrealistic to think that he should be at your beck and call, no matter how important or trivial the matter may be. If I were to get these messages, I say: "G-ddamn, its the weekend, and I’ll get back to you when I choose. Chill-out." My 2 cents: Let him initiate contact. Then, if you want, you can cold-shoulder him. [R] Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his.
Response:
Bill in CO pondered a bit and then came up with… But it looks like she needs some information and support(?) from him re: the children, so just *how* is she supposed to go about getting it, if she follows y’all’s advice, and doesn’t attempt to make any contact with him whatsoever? I don’t see a solution being proposed here – just avoidance, for peace of mind. That’s NOT really solving the problems that were mentioned here, is it?
Is she getting what she needs from him? Is he answering her? How many messages does she have to leave him, before she realizes that he’s ignoring her? Is it doing her any good? Look at her. She’s miserable! Just like everyone has been telling ML, she needs to start looking out for her own welfare. To hell with him right now. She needs to take care of herself and her children. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Denise F. Hayden pondered a bit and then came up with… Okay….wait a minute here…you wish he would disappear out of your life but you are angry that he isn’t calling you back? If he doesn’t call or contact you isn’t that disappearing? I think you are just having some problems right now with being lonely, angry and just generally miserable. Believe me, he isn’t the answer. Talking to him isn’t the answer. Finding out the name of his solicitor isn’t important information it is an excuse for you to contact him. So, can you get out for a bit? Get out and ride a bike, walk around a park or mall….take the kids for a picnic…something but get out and move around. Staying inside and agonizing won’t help. Believe me, we have all been where you are and talking ot him won’t give you any measure of peace or satisfaction. That has to come from you. Try to find something fun to do. I agree with Denise on this one. If you know how he’s going to react, don’t give yourself the chance to see it. Do you have any other family, or a friend, that can watch your daughter (girl, right?) for awhile? You really need some time to re-group. In the meantime, try not to contact him, unless it’s an emergency. He’s already proven to you that he’s not being a good father, so I wouldn’t even go to him right now. When things cool down, maybe then you can have a heart to heart with him about your children. They way I see it, you’re causing yourself undue stress and that’s the last thing you need at this time. ((((Mandy)))) Denise Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his. Mandy — Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
– Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
Sorry, but no matter how lousy this guy has treated you or the kids, its unreasonable and unrealistic to think that he should be at your beck and call, no matter how important or trivial the matter may be. If I were to get these messages, I say: "G-ddamn, its the weekend, and I’ll get back to you when I choose. Chill-out." My 2 cents: Let him initiate contact. Then, if you want, you can cold-shoulder him. [R] – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his.
Response:
But it looks like she needs some information and support(?) from him re: the children, so just *how* is she supposed to go about getting it, if she follows y’all’s advice, and doesn’t attempt to make any contact with him whatsoever? I don’t see a solution being proposed here – just avoidance, for peace of mind. That’s NOT really solving the problems that were mentioned here, is it?
Bill it is pretty obvious she isn’t going to get any information/support from him, and beating her head against a wall trying to get him to respond is not helpful. So yes I agree with the others Mandy, your on your own here and every time you ask for his assistance you are setting yourself up for more stress when he doesn’t respond they way he should or you would like. Try to deal with things on your own or with the help of any friends or family you may have. Ask your friends for help it doesn’t make you look weak, I bet you’d be surprised how much they care. Also, I do understand it is his responsibility but you can’t make a person do what is right. Take care Lori Mc
Response:
If someone had all the answers, this group would not exist. It would probably be a best-selling book. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – But it looks like she needs some information and support(?) from him re: the children, so just *how* is she supposed to go about getting it, if she follows y’all’s advice, and doesn’t attempt to make any contact with him whatsoever? I don’t see a solution being proposed here – just avoidance, for peace of mind. That’s NOT really solving the problems that were mentioned here, is it? Denise F. Hayden pondered a bit and then came up with… Okay….wait a minute here…you wish he would disappear out of your life but you are angry that he isn’t calling you back? If he doesn’t call or contact you isn’t that disappearing? I think you are just having some problems right now with being lonely, angry and just generally miserable. Believe me, he isn’t the answer. Talking to him isn’t the answer. Finding out the name of his solicitor isn’t important information it is an excuse for you to contact him. So, can you get out for a bit? Get out and ride a bike, walk around a park or mall….take the kids for a picnic…something but get out and move around. Staying inside and agonizing won’t help. Believe me, we have all been where you are and talking ot him won’t give you any measure of peace or satisfaction. That has to come from you. Try to find something fun to do. I agree with Denise on this one. If you know how he’s going to react, don’t give yourself the chance to see it. Do you have any other family, or a friend, that can watch your daughter (girl, right?) for awhile? You really need some time to re-group. In the meantime, try not to contact him, unless it’s an emergency. He’s already proven to you that he’s not being a good father, so I wouldn’t even go to him right now. When things cool down, maybe then you can have a heart to heart with him about your children. They way I see it, you’re causing yourself undue stress and that’s the last thing you need at this time. ((((Mandy)))) Denise Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his. Mandy — Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
I choose to ‘believe’ 
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Karma doesn’t exist, Storn–for prrof see the Baltimore Browns, I mean Ravens, Super Bowl win. Thanks, Mike — To reply via email remove the (SPAM_BLOCKER) from my email address: That stinks. Don’t worry Amanda. Karma exists. He’ll get his. You just get used to the idea that you are the only one those kids can count on. I think they got a good deal, there. And, maybe check out some counseling or AD’s to help. We can’t be ’superpeople’. Once again I asked for his support last night and once again he turned me down because he was seeing his woman. I hate him. I’ve been having a really hard time this week coping with my feelings and my kids at the same time and it got really bad last night. My daughter who is disabled was really getting to me, she has severe autism which makes for behavioural problems in the extreme. I sent him a text message, can he have her for a while because we were having real difficulties. I got ‘No sorry’. That was it. I was so angry I just cried and cried for an hour. I know he’s all cosy with her in the pub with his friends having a great time and I’m trying to cope with HIS kids without any support from him. Then he has the cheek to say that he doesn’t like me criticising his parenting and it was just me that he walked away from. I sent him another message this morning telling him just what I think of him, his priorities are so messed up it’s unbelieveable. He’s selfish and arrogant and I don’t even recognise him any more. He looks like the man I loved for so long but his attitude has changed dramatically and it stinks. He’s trying to get me to miss out naming her on the divorce but he hasn’t got a hope in hell, she is the reason I have no husband and my kids have lost their dad. He says he sees them as much as possible but it is only when it suits him. He says we can be flexible about which nights he has them but when I ask he’s busy. I can’t even have a night out because of him, I have panic attacks if I even think about going out. He is a low life and not worthy of my love or my children. I will allow him to see them but my 12 year old has all but cut him off already and my daughter is so severely disabled she doesn’t understand what is going on. That saddens me greatly that Daddy is such a hero to her when he comes round to take her out but he can’t be there when she is ill or when we are having difficulties. He has become the most selfish, ignorant, uncaring bastard (sorry for swearing) who doesn’t care for anyone unless it suits him. I hate him. Mandy
Response:
Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his. Mandy
Response:
Okay….wait a minute here…you wish he would disappear out of your life but you are angry that he isn’t calling you back? If he doesn’t call or contact you isn’t that disappearing? I think you are just having some problems right now with being lonely, angry and just generally miserable. Believe me, he isn’t the answer. Talking to him isn’t the answer. Finding out the name of his solicitor isn’t important information it is an excuse for you to contact him. So, can you get out for a bit? Get out and ride a bike, walk around a park or mall….take the kids for a picnic…something but get out and move around. Staying inside and agonizing won’t help. Believe me, we have all been where you are and talking ot him won’t give you any measure of peace or satisfaction. That has to come from you. Try to find something fun to do. Denise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his. Mandy
Response:
Denise F. Hayden pondered a bit and then came up with… Okay….wait a minute here…you wish he would disappear out of your life but you are angry that he isn’t calling you back? If he doesn’t call or contact you isn’t that disappearing? I think you are just having some problems right now with being lonely, angry and just generally miserable. Believe me, he isn’t the answer. Talking to him isn’t the answer. Finding out the name of his solicitor isn’t important information it is an excuse for you to contact him. So, can you get out for a bit? Get out and ride a bike, walk around a park or mall….take the kids for a picnic…something but get out and move around. Staying inside and agonizing won’t help. Believe me, we have all been where you are and talking ot him won’t give you any measure of peace or satisfaction. That has to come from you. Try to find something fun to do.
I agree with Denise on this one. If you know how he’s going to react, don’t give yourself the chance to see it. Do you have any other family, or a friend, that can watch your daughter (girl, right?) for awhile? You really need some time to re-group. In the meantime, try not to contact him, unless it’s an emergency. He’s already proven to you that he’s not being a good father, so I wouldn’t even go to him right now. When things cool down, maybe then you can have a heart to heart with him about your children. They way I see it, you’re causing yourself undue stress and that’s the last thing you need at this time. ((((Mandy)))) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Denise Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his. Mandy
– Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
But it looks like she needs some information and support(?) from him re: the children, so just *how* is she supposed to go about getting it, if she follows y’all’s advice, and doesn’t attempt to make any contact with him whatsoever? I don’t see a solution being proposed here – just avoidance, for peace of mind. That’s NOT really solving the problems that were mentioned here, is it? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Denise F. Hayden pondered a bit and then came up with… Okay….wait a minute here…you wish he would disappear out of your life but you are angry that he isn’t calling you back? If he doesn’t call or contact you isn’t that disappearing? I think you are just having some problems right now with being lonely, angry and just generally miserable. Believe me, he isn’t the answer. Talking to him isn’t the answer. Finding out the name of his solicitor isn’t important information it is an excuse for you to contact him. So, can you get out for a bit? Get out and ride a bike, walk around a park or mall….take the kids for a picnic…something but get out and move around. Staying inside and agonizing won’t help. Believe me, we have all been where you are and talking ot him won’t give you any measure of peace or satisfaction. That has to come from you. Try to find something fun to do. I agree with Denise on this one. If you know how he’s going to react, don’t give yourself the chance to see it. Do you have any other family, or a friend, that can watch your daughter (girl, right?) for awhile? You really need some time to re-group. In the meantime, try not to contact him, unless it’s an emergency. He’s already proven to you that he’s not being a good father, so I wouldn’t even go to him right now. When things cool down, maybe then you can have a heart to heart with him about your children. They way I see it, you’re causing yourself undue stress and that’s the last thing you need at this time. ((((Mandy)))) Denise Things are just as bad today, I tried to contact him via text message about 8 times today but got no response at all. I wanted to know who his solicitor was so that I can chase up the letter that was supposed to have been sent to me a fortnight ago. No response. I asked if he could come and collect our daughter earlier than 2pm tomorrow because of the difficulties we are having. No response. I asked if he was ignoring me or was it that he was lying about the solicitors letter. No response again. So I sent one saying that I can only assume that he a liar and that he couldn’t give a shit about his kids and if he didn’t respond it must be true. Still no response. Bastard. I know I could have gone to his house or rang him up but that would have meant involving the children in what could have ended up as a huge row. I didn’t want my elder child hearing what we said. It happens every time he’s with her, he switches his phone off and blocks out his responsibilities to his children. If I do get a response it is nasty and uncaring, along the lines of ’so what, you deal with whatever it is’. Then he tries to tell me that he is a good dad and resents me saying otherwise. If he wants to be a good dad it means giving a shit about his own kids more than whatever woman is distracting him. That is what I have always believed parenthood is about and any decent parent would agree, our childrens needs are paramount until they are at an age where they can live independently. He is winding me up again and I am finding it so hard to cope right now, I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose so that he can throw it in my face when he’s playing Good Dad. Everything he does is making it harder for himself as well as me because the longer this crap carries on the more acrimonious the divorce will be and he won’t know what’s hit him when I let rip. I am so tired and I’ve been aching for days now, I know it’s stress related more than anything. I just wish he would disappear out of my life but I can’t cut him off from his children and I am only allowing that for their sakes, not his. Mandy — Suzanne Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. –Groucho Marx (1890 – 1977)
Response:
Sounds like he would get along well with my stbx. Maybe we should set them up, I could hardly think of a better way to get back at each of them. Im sorry for what you are having to go through. Just keep loving those kid’s and everything else will come together for you.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Once again I asked for his support last night and once again he turned me down because he was seeing his woman. I hate him. I’ve been having a really hard time this week coping with my feelings and my kids at the same time and it got really bad last night. My daughter who is disabled was really getting to me, she has severe autism which makes for behavioural problems in the extreme. I sent him a text message, can he have her for a while because we were having real difficulties. I got ‘No sorry’. That was it. I was so angry I just cried and cried for an hour. I know he’s all cosy with her in the pub with his friends having a great time and I’m trying to cope with HIS kids without any support from him. Then he has the cheek to say that he doesn’t like me criticising his parenting and it was just me that he walked away from. I sent him another message this morning telling him just what I think of him, his priorities are so messed up it’s unbelieveable. He’s selfish and arrogant and I don’t even recognise him any more. He looks like the man I loved for so long but his attitude has changed dramatically and it stinks. He’s trying to get me to miss out naming her on the divorce but he hasn’t got a hope in hell, she is the reason I have no husband and my kids have lost their dad. He says he sees them as much as possible but it is only when it suits him. He says we can be flexible about which nights he has them but when I ask he’s busy. I can’t even have a night out because of him, I have panic attacks if I even think about going out. He is a low life and not worthy of my love or my children. I will allow him to see them but my 12 year old has all but cut him off already and my daughter is so severely disabled she doesn’t understand what is going on. That saddens me greatly that Daddy is such a hero to her when he comes round to take her out but he can’t be there when she is ill or when we are having difficulties. He has become the most selfish, ignorant, uncaring bastard (sorry for swearing) who doesn’t care for anyone unless it suits him. I hate him. Mandy
Response:
Karma doesn’t exist, Storn–for prrof see the Baltimore Browns, I mean Ravens, Super Bowl win. Thanks, Mike — To reply via email remove the (SPAM_BLOCKER) from my email address:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – That stinks. Don’t worry Amanda. Karma exists. He’ll get his. You just get used to the idea that you are the only one those kids can count on. I think they got a good deal, there. And, maybe check out some counseling or AD’s to help. We can’t be ’superpeople’. Once again I asked for his support last night and once again he turned me down because he was seeing his woman. I hate him. I’ve been having a really hard time this week coping with my feelings and my kids at the same time and it got really bad last night. My daughter who is disabled was really getting to me, she has severe autism which makes for behavioural problems in the extreme. I sent him a text message, can he have her for a while because we were having real difficulties. I got ‘No sorry’. That was it. I was so angry I just cried and cried for an hour. I know he’s all cosy with her in the pub with his friends having a great time and I’m trying to cope with HIS kids without any support from him. Then he has the cheek to say that he doesn’t like me criticising his parenting and it was just me that he walked away from. I sent him another message this morning telling him just what I think of him, his priorities are so messed up it’s unbelieveable. He’s selfish and arrogant and I don’t even recognise him any more. He looks like the man I loved for so long but his attitude has changed dramatically and it stinks. He’s trying to get me to miss out naming her on the divorce but he hasn’t got a hope in hell, she is the reason I have no husband and my kids have lost their dad. He says he sees them as much as possible but it is only when it suits him. He says we can be flexible about which nights he has them but when I ask he’s busy. I can’t even have a night out because of him, I have panic attacks if I even think about going out. He is a low life and not worthy of my love or my children. I will allow him to see them but my 12 year old has all but cut him off already and my daughter is so severely disabled she doesn’t understand what is going on. That saddens me greatly that Daddy is such a hero to her when he comes round to take her out but he can’t be there when she is ill or when we are having difficulties. He has become the most selfish, ignorant, uncaring bastard (sorry for swearing) who doesn’t care for anyone unless it suits him. I hate him. Mandy
Response:
Once again I asked for his support last night and once again he turned me down because he was seeing his woman. I hate him. I’ve been having a really hard time this week coping with my feelings and my kids at the same time and it got really bad last night. My daughter who is disabled was really getting to me, she has severe autism which makes for behavioural problems in the extreme. I sent him a text message, can he have her for a while because we were having real difficulties. I got ‘No sorry’. That was it. I was so angry I just cried and cried for an hour. I know he’s all cosy with her in the pub with his friends having a great time and I’m trying to cope with HIS kids without any support from him. Then he has the cheek to say that he doesn’t like me criticising his parenting and it was just me that he walked away from. I sent him another message this morning telling him just what I think of him, his priorities are so messed up it’s unbelieveable. He’s selfish and arrogant and I don’t even recognise him any more. He looks like the man I loved for so long but his attitude has changed dramatically and it stinks. He’s trying to get me to miss out naming her on the divorce but he hasn’t got a hope in hell, she is the reason I have no husband and my kids have lost their dad. He says he sees them as much as possible but it is only when it suits him. He says we can be flexible about which nights he has them but when I ask he’s busy. I can’t even have a night out because of him, I have panic attacks if I even think about going out. He is a low life and not worthy of my love or my children. I will allow him to see them but my 12 year old has all but cut him off already and my daughter is so severely disabled she doesn’t understand what is going on. That saddens me greatly that Daddy is such a hero to her when he comes round to take her out but he can’t be there when she is ill or when we are having difficulties. He has become the most selfish, ignorant, uncaring bastard (sorry for swearing) who doesn’t care for anyone unless it suits him. I hate him. Mandy
Response:
That stinks. Don’t worry Amanda. Karma exists. He’ll get his. You just get used to the idea that you are the only one those kids can count on. I think they got a good deal, there. And, maybe check out some counseling or AD’s to help. We can’t be ’superpeople’.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Once again I asked for his support last night and once again he turned me down because he was seeing his woman. I hate him. I’ve been having a really hard time this week coping with my feelings and my kids at the same time and it got really bad last night. My daughter who is disabled was really getting to me, she has severe autism which makes for behavioural problems in the extreme. I sent him a text message, can he have her for a while because we were having real difficulties. I got ‘No sorry’. That was it. I was so angry I just cried and cried for an hour. I know he’s all cosy with her in the pub with his friends having a great time and I’m trying to cope with HIS kids without any support from him. Then he has the cheek to say that he doesn’t like me criticising his parenting and it was just me that he walked away from. I sent him another message this morning telling him just what I think of him, his priorities are so messed up it’s unbelieveable. He’s selfish and arrogant and I don’t even recognise him any more. He looks like the man I loved for so long but his attitude has changed dramatically and it stinks. He’s trying to get me to miss out naming her on the divorce but he hasn’t got a hope in hell, she is the reason I have no husband and my kids have lost their dad. He says he sees them as much as possible but it is only when it suits him. He says we can be flexible about which nights he has them but when I ask he’s busy. I can’t even have a night out because of him, I have panic attacks if I even think about going out. He is a low life and not worthy of my love or my children. I will allow him to see them but my 12 year old has all but cut him off already and my daughter is so severely disabled she doesn’t understand what is going on. That saddens me greatly that Daddy is such a hero to her when he comes round to take her out but he can’t be there when she is ill or when we are having difficulties. He has become the most selfish, ignorant, uncaring bastard (sorry for swearing) who doesn’t care for anyone unless it suits him. I hate him. Mandy
Response:
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