My therapist's driving me mad
Question:
hi, I don’t post here v often but I really could use some advice right now. I have a therapist who i’ve seen for four years. During most of this time I kept working in the job that was driving me mad so that’s why I saw him in the first place – or rather it was one of the people at the job that triggered panic attacks etc so that’s why I found therapy. Anyway after three years I decided to get out of that job & go back to school to do social work, so I studied hard part-time for a year to get the marks to get in. Lo and behold who should turn out to run the course I am now enrolled in but my therapist’s partner. She’s head of dept. That’s okay, she’s nice. Now the background to this though is that she actually was the person who gave me the name of the therapist in the first place over the telephone, it was originally her name I’d been given by an agency but she turned out not to be working with clients that year – she was teaching. So I had remembered her name for all that time and I couldn’t help when I met her wanting to say thankyou to her – so I did. I was pretty nervous about it and she didn’t respnd the way I wanted her to but that’s okay too, I think she was just being cool and professional. Now the extra background to this is that when she originally gave me his name to go and see him, I happened to find out that both these people live in a house I once rented many years ago. So they had bought a house I used to live in. And I told my therapist this when I first started seeing him four years ago because it was a significant fact to me, but he forgot, it turns out, because at the start of this year as I enrolled in his partner’s course and met her for the first time, he also moved his consulting rooms away from the place in the business section of town where I’ve seen him for four years, and set up his rooms in the house opposite the one they now live in – their home which used to be my home. So I am this man’s client, while I’m a student in his partner’s course, I used to live in their house – which he repressed because he felt threatened by it – and now I’m trying to do therapy in the house directly opposite. I should say this house is on a crossroads that I have of course not belonged at since I moved out and especially not belonged anywhere near since I realised it was my therapist’s house. My therapist doesn’t understand why I should be finding this situation difficult. Or rather he does and he’s expressed total willingness to sit there so I can ‘work through’ how much pain it’s causing me for just as long as I like, it seems, but he shows no inclination to arranging another room that he could see me at. Does anybody have any thoughts? Are therapists often this dumb? It’s ruining the relationship and I’m just going to have to stop seeing him. So I’m really quite upset. Thommidog.
Response:
hi, I don’t post here v often but I really could use some advice right now. I have a therapist who i’ve seen for four years. During most of this time I
I’ve been seeing my therapist for that long too… kept working in the job that was driving me mad so that’s why I saw him in the first place – or rather it was one of the people at the job that triggered panic attacks etc so that’s why I found therapy. Anyway after three years I decided to get out of that job & go back to school to do
GOOD FOR YOU. Something I should do, go back to school so I can leave my present job. social work, so I studied hard part-time for a year to get the marks to get in. Lo and behold who should turn out to run the course I am now enrolled in but my therapist’s partner. She’s head of dept. That’s okay, she’s nice.
glad she’s nice. I met my shrinks wife twice, just in passing. I always thought it would be neat to get to know her. In fact I had a dream once that that happened and that she was so nice. I analyzed the dream to say that I wanted to adopt my shrink and his wife as parents. I think its kinda cool of a dream. Now the background to this though is that she actually was the person who gave me the name of the therapist in the first place over the telephone, it was originally her name I’d been given by an agency but she turned out not to be working with clients that year – she was teaching. So I had remembered her name for all that time and I couldn’t help when I met her wanting to say thankyou to her – so I did. I was pretty nervous about it and she didn’t respnd the way I wanted her to but that’s okay too, I think she was just being cool and professional.
these two have the same last names, right? anyways, I think you have a good attitude about how she responded to you. I know I would feel a little taken by surprise and would want to change the subject or something. Now the extra background to this is that when she originally gave me his name to go and see him, I happened to find out that both these people live in a house I once rented many years ago. So they had bought a house I used to live in.
a couple I know went to couple couselling and their therapist had similar social circles. it was an uncomfortable for a while. Do you have any bad memories living in that house? I can’t imagine being in the same situation…Hopefully they made some drastic changes to the house 
And I told my therapist this when I first started seeing him four years ago because it was a significant fact to me, but he forgot, it turns out, because at the start of this year as I enrolled in his partner’s course and met her for the first time, he also moved his consulting rooms away from the place in the business section of town where I’ve seen him for four years, and set up his rooms in the house opposite the one they now live in – their home which used to be my home. So I am this man’s client, while I’m a student in his partner’s course, I used to live in their house – which he repressed because he felt threatened by it – and now I’m trying to do therapy in the house directly opposite. I
do you think he really forgot or repressed it? or is threatened by it? why? should say this house is on a crossroads that I have of course not belonged at since I moved out and especially not belonged anywhere near since I realised it was my therapist’s house. My therapist doesn’t understand why I should be finding this situation difficult. Or rather he does and he’s expressed total willingness to sit there so I can ‘work through’ how much pain it’s causing me for just as long as I like, it seems, but he shows no inclination to arranging another room that he could see me at. Does anybody have any thoughts? Are therapists
how could he arrange another room that he could see me at? I mean, if he is moving is office to his home, what else can he do? rent an office? My thoughts are that I know this would be just as difficult for me if not more so, but I also thing that this good for YOU. You said the reason you started therapy in the first place was because people at the job triggered panic attacks. Well, it seems like this situation is causing you to panic or have anxiety. I don’t know what your therapist was referring to when he said work through the pain? I would say, after reading this post, work through the fear… often this dumb? It’s ruining the relationship and I’m just going to have to stop seeing him. So I’m really quite upset. Thommidog.
hope this was helpful, uncanny — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
[...] – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -So I am this man’s client, while I’m a student in his partner’s course, I used to live in their house – which he repressed because he felt threatened by it – and now I’m trying to do therapy in the house directly opposite. I should say this house is on a crossroads that I have of course not belonged at since I moved out and especially not belonged anywhere near since I realised it was my therapist’s house. My therapist doesn’t understand why I should be finding this situation difficult. Or rather he does and he’s expressed total willingness to sit there so I can ‘work through’ how much pain it’s causing me for just as long as I like, it seems, but he shows no inclination to arranging another room that he could see me at. Does anybody have any thoughts? Are therapists often this dumb? It’s ruining the relationship and I’m just going to have to stop seeing him. So I’m really quite upset. Thommidog.
hi. I’m sorry you’re finding this change so difficult. I do think, tho, that you are asking too much of your therapist to want him to see you someplace other than his current office. what that would mean for him is that he would lose the opportunity to see clients during either of the hours before or after you saw him, because he would need to travel to some other office. he would also need to pay some sort of hourly fee to rent another office for the time he was seeing you. you told him about the house several years ago, I gather? did you spend a long time talking about it? even so, he may well not have anticipated that being across from it would be problematic for you. he also probably had all sorts of reasons for his move. I don’t think therapists generally ask permission of their clients when they need to change offices. in my experience, they usually tell them about it in advance, and just kind of try to help them adjust as best they can (which is what it sounds like your therapist is trying to do). I don’t think you’ll like this reply, and I don’t really want to upset you, but I guess I wanted to give you a different perspective. and, if you’ve had a good relationship with this therapist until the move, I also hope that maybe you can stick with it and work thru how and why this bothers you. it might actually be useful to do, and lead to some healing. astri
Response:
Hi uncanny – I dunno how you respond to make these things look neat and readable so I’ve responded below with big arrows – Thommidog. hi, I don’t post here v often but I really could use some advice right now. I have a therapist who i’ve seen for four years. During most of this time I I’ve been seeing my therapist for that long too…
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -kept working in the job that was driving me mad so that’s why I saw him in the first place – or rather it was one of the people at the job that triggered panic attacks etc so that’s why I found therapy. Anyway after three years I decided to get out of that job & go back to school to do GOOD FOR YOU. Something I should do, go back to school so I can leave my present job. social work, so I studied hard part-time for a year to get the marks to get in. Lo and behold who should turn out to run the course I am now enrolled in but my therapist’s partner. She’s head of dept. That’s okay, she’s nice. glad she’s nice. I met my shrinks wife twice, just in passing. I always thought it would be neat to get to know her. In fact I had a dream once that that happened and that she was so nice. I analyzed the dream to say that I wanted to adopt my shrink and his wife as parents. I think its kinda cool of a dream. Now the background to this though is that she actually was the person who gave me the name of the therapist in the first place over the telephone, it was originally her name I’d been given by an agency but she turned out not to be working with clients that year – she was teaching. So I had remembered her name for all that time and I couldn’t help when I met her wanting to say thankyou to her – so I did. I was pretty nervous about it and she didn’t respnd the way I wanted her to but that’s okay too, I think she was just being cool and professional. these two have the same last names, right?
anyways, I think you have a good attitude about how she responded to you. I know I would feel a little taken by surprise and would want to change the subject or something. Now the extra background to this is that when she originally gave me his name to go and see him, I happened to find out that both these people live in a house I once rented many years ago. So they had bought a house I used to live in. a couple I know went to couple couselling and their therapist had similar social circles. it was an uncomfortable for a while. Do you have any bad memories living in that house? I can’t imagine being in the same situation…Hopefully they made some drastic changes to the house
And I told my therapist this when I first started seeing him four years ago because it was a significant fact to me, but he forgot, it turns out, because at the start of this year as I enrolled in his partner’s course and met her for the first time, he also moved his consulting rooms away from the place in the business section of town where I’ve seen him for four years, and set up his rooms in the house opposite the one they now live in – their home which used to be my home. So I am this man’s client, while I’m a student in his partner’s course, I used to live in their house – which he repressed because he felt threatened by it – and now I’m trying to do therapy in the house directly opposite. I do you think he really forgot or repressed it? or is threatened by it? why?
it. I was trying to cover over his gaffe and say ‘forgot’ but he said no, he repressed it because he felt threatened. should say this house is on a crossroads that I have of course not belonged at since I moved out and especially not belonged anywhere near since I realised it was my therapist’s house. My therapist doesn’t understand why I should be finding this situation difficult. Or rather he does and he’s expressed total willingness to sit there so I can ‘work through’ how much pain it’s causing me for just as long as I like, it seems, but he shows no inclination to arranging another room that he could see me at. Does anybody have any thoughts? Are therapists how could he arrange another room that he could see me at? I mean, if he is moving is office to his home, what else can he do?
blocks away where you can rent rooms for weekly meetings I think so I’d hope he will do that for me. rent an office? My thoughts are that I know this would be just as difficult for me if not more so, but I also thing that this good for YOU. You said the reason you started therapy in the first place was because people at the job triggered panic attacks. Well, it seems like this situation is causing you to panic or have anxiety. I don’t know what your therapist was referring to when he said work through the pain? I would say, after reading this post, work through the fear…
months. I had to have a nightmare to even raise the issue of the house with him, I’ve really colluded in allowing him to forget for the sake of the therapy because at the old office it didn’t matter. I’ll see how I go. often this dumb? It’s ruining the relationship and I’m just going to have to stop seeing him. So I’m really quite upset. Thommidog. hope this was helpful, uncanny
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
