nerves
Question:
Hi Dayzie…..see below please… It should not send me into an extreme state of anxiety just bc my otherwise very, very good 17 year old son came in 25 minutes past curfew tonight. He gave me the "I know I messed up, sorry, I deserve mild discipline" look. No anger. No rebellion. No hassles hardly ever. He’s a good kid. Even has a (nice) friend spending the night. But bc I have to ground him (says dad who’s away on business), my body is reacting negatively, shaking, dizzy, anxiety, adrenaline. That means my nerves are shot again. Panic attacks have returned slowly but steadily. My life is not this hard. I don’t wanna go back on med’s. I used to be the strongest most anti-psychobabble "stop dwelling on it!" individual you ever met. Then, "it" happened to me. Dayzie I "think" I know how you’re feeling. When you start getting anxious, just about anything….even small things…..can set you off. Your son sounds like a good kid, and grounding him for a bit probably won’t even bother him too much…. It’s *you* who is being bothered by it. I’ve been having a difficult summer, and it seem that *everything* that happens sends me into a tailspin. I don’t have good advice for you Dayzie, only want you to know that I understand…..it’s hard. I hope it’ll get easier. Nahanton
Response:
It should not send me into an extreme state of anxiety just bc my otherwise very, very good 17 year old son came in 25 minutes past curfew tonight. He gave me the "I know I messed up, sorry, I deserve mild discipline" look. No anger. No rebellion. No hassles hardly ever. He’s a good kid. Even has a (nice) friend spending the night. But bc I have to ground him (says dad who’s away on business), my body is reacting negatively, shaking, dizzy, anxiety, adrenaline. That means my nerves are shot again. Panic attacks have returned slowly but steadily. My life is not this hard. I don’t wanna go back on med’s. I used to be the strongest most anti-psychobabble "stop dwelling on it!" individual you ever met. Then, "it" happened to me. Dayzie
Response:
Dear Dayzie – I reacted to one thing in your post – the fact that it’s "dad" who says you have to do a certain thing regarding your son. It always bothers me when I feel as if I am being overruled or ignored in some decision, particularly regarding my son. I don’t know if that’s any part of what’s going on here, but if it is, I certainly can sympathize. With regards – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It should not send me into an extreme state of anxiety just bc my otherwise very, very good 17 year old son came in 25 minutes past curfew tonight. He gave me the "I know I messed up, sorry, I deserve mild discipline" look. No anger. No rebellion. No hassles hardly ever. He’s a good kid. Even has a (nice) friend spending the night. But bc I have to ground him (says dad who’s away on business), my body is reacting negatively, shaking, dizzy, anxiety, adrenaline. That means my nerves are shot again. Panic attacks have returned slowly but steadily. My life is not this hard. I don’t wanna go back on med’s. I used to be the strongest most anti-psychobabble "stop dwelling on it!" individual you ever met. Then, "it" happened to me. Dayzie
Response:
I don’t have good advice for you Dayzie, only want you to know that I understand…..it’s hard. I hope it’ll get easier.
Thank you Nahanton. I appreciate that so much. It really does help when you know others understand. Everyone in o/ur life is so together, so mentally stable, so wonderfully ordinary (with a few exceptions haha!) that I feel I have to work that much harder to appear together. It’s good to be able to admit I’m not so together and have others around me (here) honest enough to say they understand and allow me to be unstable if that’s what I am right now. Sometimes one just cannot stop the body from reacting negatively to stressful stimuli. Why should/does it feel so shameful out here? :( (rhetorical question) Dayzie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Dayzie…..see below please… It should not send me into an extreme state of anxiety just bc my otherwise very, very good 17 year old son came in 25 minutes past curfew tonight. He gave me the "I know I messed up, sorry, I deserve mild discipline" look. No anger. No rebellion. No hassles hardly ever. He’s a good kid. Even has a (nice) friend spending the night. But bc I have to ground him (says dad who’s away on business), my body is reacting negatively, shaking, dizzy, anxiety, adrenaline. That means my nerves are shot again. Panic attacks have returned slowly but steadily. My life is not this hard. I don’t wanna go back on med’s. I used to be the strongest most anti-psychobabble "stop dwelling on it!" individual you ever met. Then, "it" happened to me. Dayzie I "think" I know how you’re feeling. When you start getting anxious, just about anything….even small things…..can set you off. Your son sounds like a good kid, and grounding him for a bit probably won’t even bother him too much…. It’s *you* who is being bothered by it. I’ve been having a difficult summer, and it seem that *everything* that happens sends me into a tailspin. I don’t have good advice for you Dayzie, only want you to know that I understand…..it’s hard. I hope it’ll get easier. Nahanton
Response:
I reacted to one thing in your post – the fact that it’s "dad" who says you have to do a certain thing regarding your son. It always bothers me when I feel as if I am being overruled or ignored in some decision, particularly regarding my son. I don’t know if that’s any part of what’s going on here, but if it is, I certainly can sympathize. With regards – Beauty.
There is an issue here of hubby being involved in son’s curfew tardiness but not for the reason you mentioned but still it didn’t occur to me that his (hubby’s) involvement could have contributed to my anxiety. Let me explain… I am majorly pacifistic (is that a word?) with my son bc I am so all-over-the-board when it comes to dealing with him on a daily basis bc I have parts who are constantly interacting with him and his friends and w/e go from jamming the hir-raising emin*m (e) (very foul rap music which I have two parts that *love*) to the harsh, critical p’rent who will over p*nish for small indiscrepancies. And just when he thinks we/re buddies, *wham*, he gets hit with a week of grounding or dishes or no computer for somthing small. So…… what happens is, after some fight and extreme *nger and dignity-preserving resistance, hubby was finally able to show me how up and down w/e have been (and still are) with my son and how unfair it’s been to him (never, ever on an ab*sive level, just extreme ends of the relationship field with him). And so now I have come to rely on hubby to sort of reality-check my interactions with our son. It’s not fair to son. It never was. And I’ve learned that one of my parts (16 yr old male) has "hung out with" my son and some of his friends now and then. Not gone anywhere, just here at the house. Son has told me in the past that’s why he doesn’t bring friends around, "Because you act so WEIRD m*m!" and he preceeded to mimic my behavior which angered me bc I knew I *never ever* behaved that way *especially* in front of any of his friends! That was the wake-up call. My heart was busted wide open when my hubby confirmed what son told me and I felt like a fre*k and a d*sgust. I am extremely hyper-aware of myself when his friends do come around now. If I feel a switch coming I either go to my room or leave the house all together. Better to blast N*rv*na (i,a) thru the corn fields than in my driveway. 
…… Just as recent as last week son came home w/friend from school to record a CD for warm ups for the football team for coach. As I helped him record the music, I started switching and made fun of the marching band music and told him and his friend "This sh*t sux! Why do you have to listen to this! Please, borrow my em*nem CD! HAHAHAAA!!!" and his friend burst into laughter and disbelief and I knew we had switched and I switched back in and the music being recorded suddenly seemed really pep-rallyish and I knew exactly why coach wanted them to listen to it and, and, and. I have problems. I am multpl. My husband helps. I need him to. My son does bring friends around a lot more now but, we still switch out accidently once in awhile. My son doesn’t even know about me. He just says I’m a strange but cool m*m and I work very hard at doing the best by him that I know how during the 95% of the time that "I’m" out and able. (% quoted isn’t precise. I don’t know what that number is for sure.) But it (dx) sure explains all the years of raising him and his sister in the most difficult attempt at staying consistant with them. It’s been h*ll (e). Maybe one day I will feel safe enough to tell them why it was so difficult for me. But they turned out really well despite having a weird m*m. 
Dayzie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear Dayzie – I reacted to one thing in your post – the fact that it’s "dad" who says you have to do a certain thing regarding your son. It always bothers me when I feel as if I am being overruled or ignored in some decision, particularly regarding my son. I don’t know if that’s any part of what’s going on here, but if it is, I certainly can sympathize. With regards – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. It should not send me into an extreme state of anxiety just bc my otherwise very, very good 17 year old son came in 25 minutes past curfew tonight. He gave me the "I know I messed up, sorry, I deserve mild discipline" look. No anger. No rebellion. No hassles hardly ever. He’s a good kid. Even has a (nice) friend spending the night. But bc I have to ground him (says dad who’s away on business), my body is reacting negatively, shaking, dizzy, anxiety, adrenaline. That means my nerves are shot again. Panic attacks have returned slowly but steadily. My life is not this hard. I don’t wanna go back on med’s. I used to be the strongest most anti-psychobabble "stop dwelling on it!" individual you ever met. Then, "it" happened to me. Dayzie
Response:
I forgot to say in my last post that bc I do rely on hubby to confirm that i’m "out" and grounded or *not* out or grounded, I always allow and now even invite his participation in my interaction with son. I’ve only known for about two years now that I am mltpl so not always knowing had caused confusing child-rearing friction between hubby and I pre-dx years. Now he also recognizes and knows how to deal with other parts who happen "out" and cause disruption with the son and other areas of sensitivity in life such as in social settings. He’s very good about helping me "back" bc he’s learned how to do it w/o insulting any ot/hers in the process. The strict part who is overly controlling seems also to know to back down, that she’s invading "my" territory (as a p’rent) and I just wish I knew about the DID a long, long time ago. It would have made raising kids a lot smoother. The very most difficult part is when "I" have made a decision and hubby wants to play referee. That can get hairy bc he’s not always positive it’s "me" and sound logic/reality he’s dealing with. I understand that too but when it is me and logic/reality, and that gets questioned, yow! That hurts. That reminds me that I’m not like other moms. It also encourages "running to d*dd* (a, y)" when my son’s temper flares which can *nger me when I’m already fussing at him justifiably. Does anyone else live like this? For the most part this is the groove we’ve worked into and it does work overall. For us, anyway. Dayzie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I reacted to one thing in your post – the fact that it’s "dad" who says you have to do a certain thing regarding your son. It always bothers me when I feel as if I am being overruled or ignored in some decision, particularly regarding my son. I don’t know if that’s any part of what’s going on here, but if it is, I certainly can sympathize. With regards – Beauty. There is an issue here of hubby being involved in son’s curfew tardiness but not for the reason you mentioned but still it didn’t occur to me that his (hubby’s) involvement could have contributed to my anxiety. Let me explain… I am majorly pacifistic (is that a word?) with my son bc I am so all-over-the-board when it comes to dealing with him on a daily basis bc I have parts who are constantly interacting with him and his friends and w/e go from jamming the hir-raising emin*m (e) (very foul rap music which I have two parts that *love*) to the harsh, critical p’rent who will over p*nish for small indiscrepancies. And just when he thinks we/re buddies, *wham*, he gets hit with a week of grounding or dishes or no computer for somthing small. So…… what happens is, after some fight and extreme *nger and dignity-preserving resistance, hubby was finally able to show me how up and down w/e have been (and still are) with my son and how unfair it’s been to him (never, ever on an ab*sive level, just extreme ends of the relationship field with him). And so now I have come to rely on hubby to sort of reality-check my interactions with our son. It’s not fair to son. It never was. And I’ve learned that one of my parts (16 yr old male) has "hung out with" my son and some of his friends now and then. Not gone anywhere, just here at the house. Son has told me in the past that’s why he doesn’t bring friends around, "Because you act so WEIRD m*m!" and he preceeded to mimic my behavior which angered me bc I knew I *never ever* behaved that way *especially* in front of any of his friends! That was the wake-up call. My heart was busted wide open when my hubby confirmed what son told me and I felt like a fre*k and a d*sgust. I am extremely hyper-aware of myself when his friends do come around now. If I feel a switch coming I either go to my room or leave the house all together. Better to blast N*rv*na (i,a) thru the corn fields than in my driveway. …… Just as recent as last week son came home w/friend from school to record a CD for warm ups for the football team for coach. As I helped him record the music, I started switching and made fun of the marching band music and told him and his friend "This sh*t sux! Why do you have to listen to this! Please, borrow my em*nem CD! HAHAHAAA!!!" and his friend burst into laughter and disbelief and I knew we had switched and I switched back in and the music being recorded suddenly seemed really pep-rallyish and I knew exactly why coach wanted them to listen to it and, and, and. I have problems. I am multpl. My husband helps. I need him to. My son does bring friends around a lot more now but, we still switch out accidently once in awhile. My son doesn’t even know about me. He just says I’m a strange but cool m*m and I work very hard at doing the best by him that I know how during the 95% of the time that "I’m" out and able. (% quoted isn’t precise. I don’t know what that number is for sure.) But it (dx) sure explains all the years of raising him and his sister in the most difficult attempt at staying consistant with them. It’s been h*ll (e). Maybe one day I will feel safe enough to tell them why it was so difficult for me. But they turned out really well despite having a weird m*m. Dayzie Dear Dayzie – I reacted to one thing in your post – the fact that it’s "dad" who says you have to do a certain thing regarding your son. It always bothers me when I feel as if I am being overruled or ignored in some decision, particularly regarding my son. I don’t know if that’s any part of what’s going on here, but if it is, I certainly can sympathize. With regards – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. It should not send me into an extreme state of anxiety just bc my otherwise very, very good 17 year old son came in 25 minutes past curfew tonight. He gave me the "I know I messed up, sorry, I deserve mild discipline" look. No anger. No rebellion. No hassles hardly ever. He’s a good kid. Even has a (nice) friend spending the night. But bc I have to ground him (says dad who’s away on business), my body is reacting negatively, shaking, dizzy, anxiety, adrenaline. That means my nerves are shot again. Panic attacks have returned slowly but steadily. My life is not this hard. I don’t wanna go back on med’s. I used to be the strongest most anti-psychobabble "stop dwelling on it!" individual you ever met. Then, "it" happened to me. Dayzie
