not much
Question:
spoilered for pain and emptiness. no splats * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * the lies are deflating and we are understanding that the idea called love died early in this one. months ago flashes of the tunnels and cement and hard walled spirals that drew us in and kept us from knowing the truth haunted us. now it no longer matters. whatever happened was born in the death of love. beyond that knowledge all truths become shadows and all lies stroke the path we move onto. this is the vacuum where we were going when the world interrupted and dragged us into the dance of insanity. it doesn’t matter if you understand. we are declaring our dance over and our walk out of this madhouse begun. our truth is our beginning. we are going alone. take care on your path. all of us, b. betsy Elizabeth Rachel KAT Susie Us Someothers wherever you are hiding Jess if you hear or see Sarah and all the small ones who huddle in the back of the cave waiting for love. this journey goes alone. — You think you are innocent if you say, ‘I love this woman and I want to act in accordance with my love,’ but you are beginning the revolution… You will be driven back: to claim the right to a human act is to attack the forces responsible for all the misery in the world. - Paul Nizan
Response:
Dear all of you, who are dear to me – because my understanding cannot be complete, and maybe is entirely wrong, I will simply respond with a recent quote I found which seemed powerful to me. This is not at all because I think it pertains to what you have written – and yet – maybe it does – ? I wish you light and power – The quote is from Nelson Mandela: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of G*d. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of G*d that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people perimission do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
I am not saying that I think this is a thing you should believe – but it spoke to me, and I hope you are not offended that I place it here. You have given me much light – you really have – and much power. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – spoilered for pain and emptiness. no splats * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * the lies are deflating and we are understanding that the idea called love died early in this one. months ago flashes of the tunnels and cement and hard walled spirals that drew us in and kept us from knowing the truth haunted us. now it no longer matters. whatever happened was born in the death of love. beyond that knowledge all truths become shadows and all lies stroke the path we move onto. this is the vacuum where we were going when the world interrupted and dragged us into the dance of insanity. it doesn’t matter if you understand. we are declaring our dance over and our walk out of this madhouse begun. our truth is our beginning. we are going alone. take care on your path. all of us, b. betsy Elizabeth Rachel KAT Susie Us Someothers wherever you are hiding Jess if you hear or see Sarah and all the small ones who huddle in the back of the cave waiting for love. this journey goes alone. — You think you are innocent if you say, ‘I love this woman and I want to act in accordance with my love,’ but you are beginning the revolution… You will be driven back: to claim the right to a human act is to attack the forces responsible for all the misery in the world. - Paul Nizan
Response:
to all of yous, if you must go alone, i send along for yous some beautiful yellow light. within the light are wonderful rainbow sparklies that rain down gently and softly on your head. honestly, i don’t know what the sparklies do, but they be needed. please stick the yellow light in your pocket and take it out if yous get scared or lonely or just need a tiny smile. we send all our caring to yous for your journey. domino (who is now going on vacation–back in a week) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – spoilered for pain and emptiness. no splats * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * the lies are deflating and we are understanding that the idea called love died early in this one. months ago flashes of the tunnels and cement and hard walled spirals that drew us in and kept us from knowing the truth haunted us. now it no longer matters. whatever happened was born in the death of love. beyond that knowledge all truths become shadows and all lies stroke the path we move onto. this is the vacuum where we were going when the world interrupted and dragged us into the dance of insanity. it doesn’t matter if you understand. we are declaring our dance over and our walk out of this madhouse begun. our truth is our beginning. we are going alone. take care on your path. all of us, b. betsy Elizabeth Rachel KAT Susie Us Someothers wherever you are hiding Jess if you hear or see Sarah and all the small ones who huddle in the back of the cave waiting for love. this journey goes alone. — You think you are innocent if you say, ‘I love this woman and I want to act in accordance with my love,’ but you are beginning the revolution… You will be driven back: to claim the right to a human act is to attack the forces responsible for all the misery in the world. - Paul Nizan
Response:
and i will walk alone on my path from where i can also watch yours as you so devotedly watch mine and from each others experiences on our seperate journies we can share stories and perhaps, maybe have the possibility of a chance that their might could be something or other that we can learn from and/or help each other with at various possible times in what is, in all likelihood, anything but a linear route, but is most probably in reality of fact (something that could exist around the jabberwocky over there in wonderland but only on the other side of the mirror) a path in multiple curvalinear and mobius dimensions spun together by the cyclones of o[z] like the sound of modulating trills coming from the throat of a warbling song bird or the tie between electricity, magnetic fields, gravity, time, and distance in both the dark and light and also in both the vacuum and density of space. may you emerge sometime(s) from the protective yet binding cocoon of pain and emptiness into the splendor of flight given in the self-expression of art. i look at you and listen to you and i see and hear an artist whose canvass is the rest of life. thank you, trill – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – spoilered for pain and emptiness. no splats * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * the lies are deflating and we are understanding that the idea called love died early in this one. months ago flashes of the tunnels and cement and hard walled spirals that drew us in and kept us from knowing the truth haunted us. now it no longer matters. whatever happened was born in the death of love. beyond that knowledge all truths become shadows and all lies stroke the path we move onto. this is the vacuum where we were going when the world interrupted and dragged us into the dance of insanity. it doesn’t matter if you understand. we are declaring our dance over and our walk out of this madhouse begun. our truth is our beginning. we are going alone. take care on your path. all of us, b. betsy Elizabeth Rachel KAT Susie Us Someothers wherever you are hiding Jess if you hear or see Sarah and all the small ones who huddle in the back of the cave waiting for love. this journey goes alone. — You think you are innocent if you say, ‘I love this woman and I want to act in accordance with my love,’ but you are beginning the revolution… You will be driven back: to claim the right to a human act is to attack the forces responsible for all the misery in the world. - Paul Nizan
Response:
I been having dreams like you wouldn’t believe. Horrible horrible dreams. You’d think I’ve lived a life in h*ll. Oh yea, I have. Sometimes I really think I’m having the dddreams of other insiders. And that the nightmares of the dreams reflect the nightmares they lived in. These awaful awful dreams seem to be triggered only by the fact that I’m daring to associate with people, daring to work on friendships. Jeezs. If being part of a community reminds those inside of the stuff that goes on in these dreams, no wonder I stayed isolated my owhole life. I know this is all vague and doesn’t say much. I can’t tell the dreams cause they’d just freak you all out. I guess what I really want to say is that there appears to be good reasons whythe only safe way to be for me was alone. Especially with no women friends. sighin and wishin there were more people posting more stuff lately. Lionheart — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
Hello, Lionheart, I have often wondered if some of my others are doing the dreaming. I am finally sleeping enough to have dreams again, and sometimes the awful ones, too. I know what you mean about those. last night in a dream, I was a child. I am thinking that maybe one of my childselves dreamed it. I used to work with a t who had Jungi*n training, and he didn’t think that I dreamed the right way. This was before my dx, and since then, my dreams usually make sense to me. He thought that they were strange and somehow not the way they were supposed to be. Send him back to Switzerl*nd! I dream the way I dream. Sorry if it isn’t like the humans do! It is difficult to be where people are, isn’t it? It takes a huge effort for me. How about you? Even when it is something that I want to do, and like doing, like my pottery class, I have to fight to make it happen.It is a struggle every time, to go out the door and drive there, and then to walk into the studio. There are times when things get too unreal if I am alone, and I will go to where there are people, but no demands. WalM*art is a fave place to go. I go and just look at things, and the presence of people seems to ground me. They don’t want to talk, so I don’t have to do that other hugely difficult thing. Places like the library work, too. Weird? I haven’t been writing here much, or even reading regularly. Somehow it has been too much to do.couldn’t handle it. There are very few posts here, though, and I wonder if there is a problem again with the tech part of things? I know someone who said that he had posted to asd, and it has still not shown up. I will check through another source to see if it is there. I am suspecting difficulties with messages, rather than lack of posters. What do you think? I am sorry that you are having such a hard time with the mares and all. I understand first hand (or should that be hands?) how tiring and frightening that can be. Sometimes it feels to me like I get one thing settled somewhat and the badstuff leaks out some other way. Will this ever ever end? My t says that there is an end to this, and that it will take time. I understand the words, but don’t know the certainty that should go with them. Tired of living this strange life, and at the same time afraid that it will be taken away and that the new one will be terribly unfamiliar, and in that way just as frightening. Sorry for the rambling. I think that I am bouncing from topic to topic again. I will go back and read the beginning posts about friendships with wom*n. I don’t have any. Maybe I will learn something about why I don’t. I did read these posts the other day, but they are gone from my filing system, somewhere into the mire inside! Nice talking to you, Lionheart. I understood your post well. I wish you some peaceful nights. It will help if you have some. Jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I been having dreams like you wouldn’t believe. Horrible horrible dreams. You’d think I’ve lived a life in h*ll. Oh yea, I have. Sometimes I really think I’m having the dddreams of other insiders. And that the nightmares of the dreams reflect the nightmares they lived in. These awaful awful dreams seem to be triggered only by the fact that I’m daring to associate with people, daring to work on friendships. Jeezs. If being part of a community reminds those inside of the stuff that goes on in these dreams, no wonder I stayed isolated my owhole life. I know this is all vague and doesn’t say much. I can’t tell the dreams cause they’d just freak you all out. I guess what I really want to say is that there appears to be good reasons whythe only safe way to be for me was alone. Especially with no women friends. sighin and wishin there were more people posting more stuff lately. Lionheart — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e- mail:
Before you buy.
Response:
hi Lionheart!
hi saub amd clara 
clara wants to say something but she doesn’t want to come to the front, so i’m going to type it, ok? (communication, cooperation! yay!) you mean much much much to me, Lionheart. (from saub)
oh, thanks, that’s nice. Amazing how much safer that feels from a distance 
here’s clara’s part. "It makes a lot of sense that you would have these kinds of dreams. we hav ok we’re arguing.
Lol sorry, Lionheart, i can’t do it right. clara just wanted to let you know that we have them too, and she isolates, and she cares.
thanks clara. It’s hard to stop isolating isn’t it? And hard to continue when you’ve begun to feel how nice it is to be cared about. And hard to continue de-isolating when you get all triggered. and i’m going to leave all the stuff above where it is and clara can not like it all she wants.
Well, I’m glad you respsonded. I hope it’s okay with clara. take care, -saub and clara
Yous too Lionheart – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I been having dreams like you wouldn’t believe. Horrible horrible dreams. You’d think I’ve lived a life in h*ll. Oh yea, I have. Sometimes I really think I’m having the dddreams of other insiders. And that the nightmares of the dreams reflect the nightmares they lived in. These awaful awful dreams seem to be triggered only by the fact that I’m daring to associate with people, daring to work on friendships. Jeezs. If being part of a community reminds those inside of the stuff that goes on in these dreams, no wonder I stayed isolated my owhole life. I know this is all vague and doesn’t say much. I can’t tell the dreams cause they’d just freak you all out. I guess what I really want to say is that there appears to be good reasons whythe only safe way to be for me was alone. Especially with no women friends. sighin and wishin there were more people posting more stuff lately. Lionheart — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
– For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
To Lionheart; I too feel that the only safe way to be is to be alone. Whenever I do try to reach out to someone or try to let someone close to me, we end up having nightmares, panic attacks, and tons of chaos.
really??? You too??? Hmmm. This is one of those experiences where you realize you’re not the only one. We end up reliving (thru nightmares) all the times we were hurt whenever someone was in our life. And the nightmares are sooooo vivid!
I guess I’m worried that that’s what’s happening here. Except I don’t remember the real hurts from the past. I mean, I’ve uncocvered memories about being part of lots of group-type abuse (ra), but the dreams are all about lots of abuse and domination type stuff by the kids to the other kids. And in the dreams I appear to live in some kind of a group home where this stuff is a regular part of life. And I don’t remember anything like that. And yes, the nightmares are vivid. Thanks for replying Stormy. I hope what I’ve written doesn’t freak you out. take care, Lionheart Stormy * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
– For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
Dear Lionhart Once I asked this man that has written a book about dreams because I had such terrible dreams. He told me dreams were good even nightmares because it is your unconsciousness way to work on and handle things you cant do when you are awake. Does that sound reasonable to you?
Yup, it does sound reasonable. And I’m not freaking out about the dreams, even though they’re really really bad. It’s just that usually I ccan interpret my dreams, or see how they relate to something I’m going through in present time, and these dreams just seem way out of line. Like stubbing your toe, and then having a dream that you’ve been m*rdered. Take care up there in northern lightss country Lionheart – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Bluebell I been having dreams like you wouldn’t believe. Horrible horrible dreams. You’d think I’ve lived a life in h*ll. Oh yea, I have. Sometimes I really think I’m having the dddreams of other insiders. And that the nightmares of the dreams reflect the nightmares they lived in. These awaful awful dreams seem to be triggered only by the fact that I’m daring to associate with people, daring to work on friendships. Jeezs. If being part of a community reminds those inside of the stuff that goes on in these dreams, no wonder I stayed isolated my owhole life. I know this is all vague and doesn’t say much. I can’t tell the dreams cause they’d just freak you all out. I guess what I really want to say is that there appears to be good reasons whythe only safe way to be for me was alone. Especially with no women friends. sighin and wishin there were more people posting more stuff lately. Lionheart — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
– For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
Dear Lionhart I think that dreams that is difficult to interpret might be things you dont really want to look at. That they are sort of hidden to you for that reason. Dreams are reflections of your inner and outher world so they come out as metaforse. Dont know if you got that, I am not even sure I did.. ;o) Bluebell P.S. I will take care, thank you..
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear Lionhart Once I asked this man that has written a book about dreams because I had such terrible dreams. He told me dreams were good even nightmares because it is your unconsciousness way to work on and handle things you cant do when you are awake. Does that sound reasonable to you? Yup, it does sound reasonable. And I’m not freaking out about the dreams, even though they’re really really bad. It’s just that usually I can interpret my dreams, or see how they relate to something I’m going through in present time, and these dreams just seem way out of line. Like stubbing your toe, and then having a dream that you’ve been m*rdered. Take care up there in northern lights country Lionheart Bluebell I been having dreams like you wouldn’t believe. Horrible horrible dreams. You’d think I’ve lived a life in h*ll. Oh yea, I have. Sometimes I really think I’m having the dddreams of other insiders. And that the nightmares of the dreams reflect the nightmares they lived in. These awaful awful dreams seem to be triggered only by the fact that I’m daring to associate with people, daring to work on friendships. Jeezs. If being part of a community reminds those inside of the stuff that goes on in these dreams, no wonder I stayed isolated my owhole life. I know this is all vague and doesn’t say much. I can’t tell the dreams cause they’d just freak you all out. I guess what I really want to say is that there appears to be good reasons whythe only safe way to be for me was alone. Especially with no women friends. sighin and wishin there were more people posting more stuff lately. Lionheart — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail: — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
