Temper Tantrum or Real Problem?
Question:
I know it is not my medication ( I am on Trazodone to help me sleep and reduce anxiety, which it works wonders and I have no side effects whatsoever) because these things have occurred before . Although, never to the extreme that they have been happening now. Usually once a year I have a good cry for whatever reason and then I am good to go. What is happening? Does anyone know? Tara Missing Steve, Kristin and Bryan Moss Victims of Homicide April 23,1998
Hi Tara, I have read your post a few times, and will make a few comments. You have experienced a terrible loss in your life, and to say it has had a profound affect on you is a understatement. I have been following your posts for months now, and I feel from what you wrote today, you are in grieving. Your *temper tantrums* are part of the grieving process.Whenever we experience loss, whether its a physical death of someone, or a loss of a relationship, there are stages of grief we must go through, on our road to acceptance. I also notice the first year anniversary is not to far away, I always find the first year anniversaries the hardest. Grieving is a normal process after experiencing loss, and it happens in different stages. In each stage the emotion you might feel can be different from an emotion you feel in another stage. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no set order one will experience the stages……. Grieving can take up to two years, and sometimes longer depending on certain circumstances. You are mourning the death of three people, two of which were children and the way they died, was nightmarish…….this will affect how you grieve and for how long….IMO. One of the stages is *shock*, this is a protective mechanism, usually happens upon hearing that someone close to you has died. I know I experienced this upon hearing the news that my father who was 44 died, of a massive heart attack. I was in complete shock and felt numb. Another stage is anger, which I suspect is where you are at. Its okay to be angry, and hate what has happened, it really is. You have to let it out, when you turn anger in, it can become depression. Nothing is wrong with you, I really believe this is part of your grieving. And the intensity of your anger, although frightening to you, is really *ALL* your feelings you have been holding back. The more you let your anger out, you will see the intensity diminish. You even mention that you have been holding your feelings in. When one holds in their feelings, it can only be kept in for so long, and then it comes out in rage or sometimes panic attacks. Let it out, its worse to hold it in. Another stage is depression, which can be accompanied by feelings of incredible lonliness and despair. Denial is another stage, and this is when you don`t allow your feelings to surface, like you said you did. Fear is another stage, and this is a biggy for me.Being frightened of the grieving process. The grieving process can be scary, all those powerful emotions, and trying to deal with them. Wondering *Am I going crazy*, *Am I Without a doubt the biggest and one of the most painful stages to endure, is the sadness. That overwhelming feeling of loss, cry and do it as much as you need to, it has to come out. Anxiety is also very common in the grief process too….. Grief is a healer, and we must allow it to happen naturally. Grieving is a very painful process, one we all have experienced at one time or another. And if you feel that these anger outbursts are a problem then by all means talk to your doctor. IMO, I really believe this to be part of grief, and time will heal your wounds. Take care {{{Tara}}} Jackie 
No one’s death comes to pass without making some impression, and those close to the deceased inherit part of the liberated soul and become richer in their humanness.
Response:
Hi All, For awhile now I have noticed that when I lose something important, I literally freak out. I’m not talking that I just get angry, I am talking a screaming. kicking, crying rage that seems like it comes right from my soul. I get blinded by this (really) and I can’t see a thing. I throw things ( not at anyone, the anger seems directed at me) and I end up feeling completely exhausted. This doesn’t happen often, but it has happened three times since the new year and it’s scaring me. I start swearing up a blue streak (hubby was a sailor…taught me well) and I seem to forget that my kids are in the house. It’s like I don’t care. My husband has talked me through these things a couple of times and says there is no reasoning with me…however, he says I should do my best to control it since it is completely out of character for me. I am known by my friends and family as having the mildest temper of anyone they know. I am one of those people who draws the line but then continually moves it back so folks don’t have to cross it. I very rarely, if ever, get mad at anyone. This rage seems directed at me! On Friday morning I was talking on the phone to my friend who family was murdered and we were having one of our silly moments. I reached in my purse to grab a pen or something and that’s when I noticed that the diamond ring (heirloom from hubby’s mother) that I put in there to take to his folks was missing. I had placed it in a Ziploc bag ( a diamond in it had come loose) and put it in the zipper compartment so as not to lose it before I got it to them. It was gone. Normally, I would have just freaked right there. Instead, I told my friend that I couldn’t find the ring. She knows what has been happening with me so she immediatly told me to calm down and to retrace my steps. I did. I called my husband, he didn’t know where it was but I stayed calm. I called the restaurant we went to the night before…again no luck. I prayed…and felt comforted and was able to keep looking for it without having one of those "attacks." Last night, my husband’s mother called to remind me to bring the ring to lunch today so that they could get the diamond tightened in it’s setting. I WENT NUTS! I had held it in for so long that instead of kicking and screaming and cussing I was simply crying and puking. I haven’t cried like that in AGES. In fact the last time I cried so hard that I threw up was 4 years ago. The problem is, usually I "get over it" and feel like crap for acting like an idiot (although it seems I can’t control this) and moving on. This morning, there still is no ring…and I could simply curl up in a corner and cry all day. I know it is not my medication ( I am on Trazodone to help me sleep and reduce anxiety, which it works wonders and I have no side effects whatsoever) because these things have occurred before . Although, never to the extreme that they have been happening now. Usually once a year I have a good cry for whatever reason and then I am good to go. What is happening? Does anyone know? Tara Missing Steve, Kristin and Bryan Moss Victims of Homicide April 23,1998 "I’ve read the last page of the Bible. It’s all going to turn out all right."–Billy Graham
